Church of Christ New York City LA [Archive]

Anonymous (66.42.128.149)

07-06-2004, 08:47 PM

Dear Friends,
This is directed toward all those who are still hurting from their experience at FHC. I was a member there for several years and had a position of leadership within the church. I left in 1995 once it became obvious to me that Robb had embraced erroneous doctrine and was not going to change course.

In addition to this experience, when I was a teenager my family joined a group that also turned out to be cultish. We left that group my junior year in high school and that began my “dark night of the soul” which ended up lasting through most of my college years. It is my hope that sharing some of the things that helped me will help some of you.

Reading through these messages I can see the pain and the anger that plagues many of you. I can’t tell you how many nights I cried myself to sleep begging God to let me die. I had considered suicide but decided against it out of fear of going to hell – I decided that as horrible as living with the pain for the rest of my life seemed at least it wasn’t eternal.

I was angry at the people who had hurt me – from the leaders who ran the show down to the “friends” who would no longer associate with me. But mostly, I think, I was angry at God. How could he allow this to go on? How could he have led me to that place? Why did it seem that every time I prayed my prayers seemed to bounce off the ceiling? Didn’t he care? What about the others who were still there? Why wasn’t he bringing them out?

And I was afraid. I began to doubt God’s love and grace and kindness. I’ve always been aware that I am simply not strong enough to get through life without God. If God wasn’t who I had believed him to be, how would I survive? Why would I want to? It sounds a bit melodramatic, I know, but that is how I felt.

Here are some of the things that got me through:

1. Know that God loves you and is with you even in the midst of your pain;
Isaiah 53 was a great source of comfort for me – Christ himself faced ultimate rejection and shame on the cross. He knows what it is to be betrayed and abandoned by those closest to him. Vs 3 says that he was a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief.

Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is close to the broken hearted; and those who are crushed in spirit He saves.”

Matthew 12:20 “The bruised reed he will not crush; the smoldering wick he will not quench”

2. God knows what is going on and HE is in control
Job 35:13-14 “But it is idle to say God does not hear or that the Almighty does not take notice. Even though you say that you see him not, the case is before him; with trembling should you wait upon him.”

2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord does not delay in keeping his promise – though some consider it ‘delay.’ Rather, he shows you generous patience, since he wants none to perish but all to come to repentance.”

And this leads right into what brought healing to me: For me, the key to healing was through forgiveness. It was a long process to get to that point but fortunately, God is patient. Holding unforgiveness in your heart is like picking a scab – it keeps the wound fresh, open and bleeding.

The gospels are full of parables and admonitions from Christ to forgive. The prayer he taught us to pray asks God to forgive us our trespasses AS WE FORGIVE those who trespass against us. The parable that struck me the hardest was Matthew 18:21-35; the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. The last two verses state “And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. SO MY HEAVENLY FATHER ALSO WILL DO TO YOU IF EACH OF YOU, FROM YOUR HEART, DOES NOT FORGIVE HIS BROTHER HIS TRESPASSES.”

These are hard words. On our own we are completely without hope – this seems to go against reason and our own human nature. It seems to be unjust – how can God expect us to forgive people who don’t deserve to be forgiven – people who not only are not sorry for what they have done but who refuse to acknowledge the damage and pain they have caused?

But we are not without hope or help. God doesn’t lay out what he requires of us and say good luck – let’s see how you do. He has given his Spirit to be our helper our guide and our paraclete (one who stands along side of us). When the Lord started dealing with me about the unforgiveness in my heart it was through the bible, through a couple of godly people He had brought into my life and through the prompting (nagging) of the Holy Spirit. I came to realize that if I wanted to continue being a Christian, I had to follow Christ and forgive those who had hurt me. I certainly didn’t want to forgive them for their own sakes, I didn’t even want to do it for my own sake, but I knew I HAD to do it for Christ’s sake.

Well, knowing you should do something and actually being able to do it are two different things. I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. I remember the day I couldn’t take it any more. I finally got on my face before God (literally – more melodrama) and told Him that I wanted to forgive them but couldn’t on my own and asked for God’s help in forgiving. Nothing seemed to happen – I didn’t feel any different – no bolts of lightning or angels singing – nothing. But I had placed it in God’s hands and I knew I had done all I could.

About three days later I was driving to school and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it seemed like a heavy weight had been lifted from me. It seemed I could even breathe better – and that was the moment the Holy Spirit did His thing. About a week went by when I realized that I hadn’t thought about those people all week long!! That was a first! The pain was gone and it has never returned. I still cry when I share this story, but the tears are tears of gratitude for the kindness and mercy of God. I had honestly thought that I was going to have to live the rest of my life with the pain of what had happened when I was a teenager. I’ve never been so glad to be wrong! I began to see that unforgiveness had been torment itself. The wound has healed over. There is still a scar but did you know that scar tissue is tougher than regular skin tissue? It’s no longer a bleeding festering wound.

I heard once that you know you’ve truly forgiven someone when you no longer want to see them punished for what they did to you. Matthew 5:43-48 is where Jesus instructs us to love our enemies. “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven…” (vs 44-45a).

And believe me, I know, without God it is impossible, but with God, all things are possible

I’m sorry this is so long, but I do hope it helps some of you. It takes time to heal and go through the process – just stay close to the Good Shepherd. Remember – we’re just the sheep. It’s the Shepherd’s job to care for, protect, guard, guide and feed the sheep. It’s even the Shepherd’s job to keep us all in the fold (“While I was with them in the world, I kept them in Your name. Those whom You gave Me I have kept..” John 17:12a). The shepherd knows that sheep aren’t all that bright. They have a tendency to wander off, to stray and to get into trouble. It’s His job to keep us.

I will remember you all in my prayers.

P.S. This book was a great help to me – I see it’s still available at amazon.
Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve by Lewis B. Smedes