calv (calv)
09-11-2005, 05:43 PM
When I arrived at CC I was a very hurt young man. I was looking for truth. I had been raised in a Christian home, sent to Christan school my whole life. I don't remember ever not having a relationship with God. Still there was so many answers that had not been questioned. It didn't make sense to me, the way people treated each other, in spite of all I had been taught. I'd pray, God I know you are real, but what's up with this stuff all around me? If you were not a part of our denomination, you were not accepted. It was a very biased community. "If ya ain't Dutch, ya ain't much!" I got to know those outside of this community and yes, they had problems too, but they saw us for what we were, a proud, arrogant self sufficient, self righteous bunch of hippocrits.
I was a rebel.
When I got to chapel I was overwhelmed by what I saw and heard. I felt like it was the answer to my prayers, God show me what is real! I fully bought into all CC had to offer. The first five years in Seattle the only people I knew were chapelites. 24/7 chapel chapel chapel... It was a cure, an answer to my distress. I saw much of what I had grown up with... but I though what I was going thru was really God at work, and he was going to change us into this new creation. I really wanted to believe it was all possible and that someday I would be able to go out and help others that had gone thru the same stuff I had.
There was something comfortable at CC, it was what I was accustomed to. I believed it was more real than anything else on earth. Don and Barbara where these larger than life Bible characters. Who was I? I felt like such a loser...and now here I was called into this special move of God!
We were taught so much about cults, and even taught how although we had all the earmarks of a cult, why we were not. We were special. The enemy wanted to take us out, stay in the body, everyone outside is in darkness. Sure some have a little light but the enemey had them in his grip. We, however were on the frontlines battling darkness and there were those hidden away all over the world like us. A great revival was on its way... the end times were upon us! We needed to prepare for the great harvest.
My emotions were overwhelmed by so many things, it was so real -- better than drugs or booze or sex! This was so much better than what the world had to offer.
Chapel, in my rearveiw mirror, 17 years later....I see the road ahead, I know where I have been. I see what was done to me. I see what I did. I have had to do a fearless and thorough search of my life. Recovery is the name of the game. There are those in my past who despise that so much! Why is that? They cannot talk outside of the old ways of thinking. They use religion, etc. to hide behind and to try and control me. Shaming and guilt trips... round and round in circles they go. Today I am surrounded by hundreds of others on the same journey as me. We all come from different places and circumstances.Our concepts of God very greatly, yet the story is the same. We fell into a pit, a way of thinking that had us trapped. We have learned and are still learning how to live our lives beyond whatever had us in bondage. We share our storyies. We are committed to being there for others in need. We don't tell others what to do, we listen to their story, and offer suggestions based on our experience. There are those who are closed to this though, perhaps it is still too painful for them to take an honest look, they are incapable of doing so. I see that God is at work, much the way I wanted to believe at CC. Only He is so much greater than anything we could have ever imagined at CC. The old ways of thinking get us nowhere, still there are those that would say otherwise. I look at the fruit, is it all they say it is? Can they really see outside of the box they live in? There are a lot of boxes people live in, in this world, but more and more are opening the doors and seeing what God can do when we get our eyes off of these Idols.
Brainwashing works so many ways! The media, for example. I closed myself off to the rest of the world at CC. I allowed them to program me. Thank God he allowed us to mess up so badly, if that hadn't happened where would we be now? He pulled the covers off and exposed us, yet we still don't want to see. Yes, God worked in our lives thru all that, but it's not finished, we have to run the race .... there is much to be done.
Are we stalling or are we making progress?
I was a rebel.
When I got to chapel I was overwhelmed by what I saw and heard. I felt like it was the answer to my prayers, God show me what is real! I fully bought into all CC had to offer. The first five years in Seattle the only people I knew were chapelites. 24/7 chapel chapel chapel... It was a cure, an answer to my distress. I saw much of what I had grown up with... but I though what I was going thru was really God at work, and he was going to change us into this new creation. I really wanted to believe it was all possible and that someday I would be able to go out and help others that had gone thru the same stuff I had.
There was something comfortable at CC, it was what I was accustomed to. I believed it was more real than anything else on earth. Don and Barbara where these larger than life Bible characters. Who was I? I felt like such a loser...and now here I was called into this special move of God!
We were taught so much about cults, and even taught how although we had all the earmarks of a cult, why we were not. We were special. The enemy wanted to take us out, stay in the body, everyone outside is in darkness. Sure some have a little light but the enemey had them in his grip. We, however were on the frontlines battling darkness and there were those hidden away all over the world like us. A great revival was on its way... the end times were upon us! We needed to prepare for the great harvest.
My emotions were overwhelmed by so many things, it was so real -- better than drugs or booze or sex! This was so much better than what the world had to offer.
Chapel, in my rearveiw mirror, 17 years later....I see the road ahead, I know where I have been. I see what was done to me. I see what I did. I have had to do a fearless and thorough search of my life. Recovery is the name of the game. There are those in my past who despise that so much! Why is that? They cannot talk outside of the old ways of thinking. They use religion, etc. to hide behind and to try and control me. Shaming and guilt trips... round and round in circles they go. Today I am surrounded by hundreds of others on the same journey as me. We all come from different places and circumstances.Our concepts of God very greatly, yet the story is the same. We fell into a pit, a way of thinking that had us trapped. We have learned and are still learning how to live our lives beyond whatever had us in bondage. We share our storyies. We are committed to being there for others in need. We don't tell others what to do, we listen to their story, and offer suggestions based on our experience. There are those who are closed to this though, perhaps it is still too painful for them to take an honest look, they are incapable of doing so. I see that God is at work, much the way I wanted to believe at CC. Only He is so much greater than anything we could have ever imagined at CC. The old ways of thinking get us nowhere, still there are those that would say otherwise. I look at the fruit, is it all they say it is? Can they really see outside of the box they live in? There are a lot of boxes people live in, in this world, but more and more are opening the doors and seeing what God can do when we get our eyes off of these Idols.
Brainwashing works so many ways! The media, for example. I closed myself off to the rest of the world at CC. I allowed them to program me. Thank God he allowed us to mess up so badly, if that hadn't happened where would we be now? He pulled the covers off and exposed us, yet we still don't want to see. Yes, God worked in our lives thru all that, but it's not finished, we have to run the race .... there is much to be done.
Are we stalling or are we making progress?