Is it normal

[calv (calv)]

Is it normal
to be bitter and angry or resentful
or would that be unchristian
should we just forgive
and forget
get over it
get on with your life

why do we have to keep bringing up the past
is that wrong
cant you see the good
why can you only see the bad
how long should it take
what is normal
what is not

would Jesus get ****ed off
or just forgive
and say sin no more
come follow me
be fishers of men
peace be still

would we kill him if he made us mad
put him in a rich mans tomb
and gaurd it
what would we belive
would you say you knew him
or deny him three times

did we understand then
do I understand now
whats in it for me
whats in it for them
whats in it for you
is it really what you say it is
how do you know

[fallingup (fallingup)]

Calv,
I couldn't have said it any better. I can't help but feel guilty every time Community Chapel pops into my mind (which is quite frequently), I feel guilty that I have to spend so much time trying to rehash as part of the rebuilding/recovery process. I feel guilty when I need to talk about it with others, I feel guilty that my family won't talk about... But then I realize that guilt is from the enemy and that it is keeping me from rebuilding and recovery.
The other day I was frustrated and maybe even a little angry with G-d, but I felt so guilty (like being frustrated because I don't always understand G-d and His ways is the unpardonable sin or something). God alrady knows I'm frustrated and angry, it doesn't ruin Him if I'm upset about it He's much bigger than that. So... I decided I had to be honest not only with God (who already knows my heart anyway) but with myself even if I feel guilty...
But, I'm getting tired of this constant battle and I wish it would all go away. (Yes, I know that sounds childish and even "sappy" but I think we all feel this way at times.)

[calv (calv)]

Fallingup

Why feel guilty.... for something you had no control of??? You were born into cc (I belive?), and had no control over your family. You ARE a victum.... and that IS NOT a bad thing or your falt. Still the guilt message comes thru. Guilt and shame are the tools use to control people. What happens when IT is exposed? The one who exposes IT must be STOPED! It can seem so subtle and you cant quite put your finger on what it is. IT follows you thru your life, evry time you point IT out you will pay....more guilt and shame.
The key is not to let IT control your life. You are NOT nuts, but THEY will say you are. Why is that? It breaks your heart dosent it? What do you do with the pain? Try to pretend its not there? numb it out? Try to fit in with the rest of the world? What IS normal?
Our feelings are real. We need to feel them AND have them validated. If a person has been violated and then must keep that a secret what will it do to them?
Some have had these minor violations thier whole life...
they think its normal, they have known nothing else, life becomes a cycle of trying to keep up. It becomes preformance based. All that matters is that we make IT happey.... a responcability that was put on us by THEM.
THEY have control, we are the ones who cause thier pain when we dont obey or choose to stand up for what we know inside to be right.
WE are not alone! There are many others who are in the same boat. Telling the truth is what sets us free. Yes it is a battle , one not to fight alone! But where do you find back up? This is a starting place!
The constant battle WILL wear you out! I know it did me. WE have stories that must be told.... but there not easy to tell. It is complicated and confusing and painful to do. These stories have yet to really be told... but when they are they will help others eyes to open... to the reality of what God really was able to do thru the debacel that IS cc, and the power it STILL has over peoples lives.