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View Full Version : Healing after CCBTC


roz (roz)
10-26-2005, 02:56 PM
I'm gonna speak off the top of my head here. I haven't spent any time formulating my thoughts, but want to attempt to throw them out there anyway.

Movinon said something to me last week that it sounded like I was doing good these days. I appreciate that comment, and am glad to give that impression. Life was difficult during the downfall of our church. Many people crashed and burned, and to this day, some have never truly recovered. I was young, impressionable, and had placed every bit of energy and zeal I had into my life inside CCBTC.

It wasn't easy putting my life back together after the church split. It took me one year to figure out which direction (literally and figuratively) I wanted to go. In a sense, I put everything, and I mean everything, on hold for 12 months. Looking back, that was a tremendously critical time for me. I didn't make any major decisions about church, ministry, my walk with God, etc. What a blessing it was to be able to sit back for a year like that.

Today, I still walk with Jesus, but it's different. My family walks with God, too, but church is not the end-all-be-all. In fact, we are trying to decide if the children's ministry on Wednesday nights is worthwhile to us. We are considering dropping it from our schedule since it's one more night to be running around.

In the Chapel days, this would have been heresy. I have to admit, I still feel a little guilty about cutting a church function from our schedule. This guilt is residual from the Chapel days. I wonder if I'll ever get over that.

I think one thing that helped me was I didn't fear being thrust out of church and back into the cruel world. It's cruel all right, but it is not something to be feared. Once you've tasted of the goodness of God in your life, what the world has to offer will pale in light of it.

However, in pretty short order, I had a TV back in my house with all the cable channels. I felt free to consume alcohol. I took secular college courses and opened my mind a little more. I did things I'm not proud of, but I didn't let them destroy me.

Today, I've found a church where I can be happy. Our family tries to live by Godly principles. We are involved in scouting and school programs that provide many service opportunities for kids. We are involved in ministries at church and share Jesus whenever we can. So, sometimes we do service under the church umbrella, and sometimes it's simply a community umbrella. (One thing the Chapel lacked was community service. It's so important to give of your time, talents, and finances to the less fortunate.)

We don't have alcohol in the house anymore and we only have the limited cable channels. I found I really didn't like alcohol and I didn't enjoy the "buzz" it gave me. I hated the feeling I got when I felt like I wasted a whole evening to mindless TV. So, I gave these things up not because a church told me I had to, but rather because it was a right decision for me.

This is key for me and I think it's one of the most important things I've learned along the way. It's amazing how liberating it is to do things simply because they are the right thing to do, and not because your pastor or church dictated you had to do them.

Now I can belong to a church without feeling threatened by rules and such. I make my own rules, but not in a defiant way, or in a way that would make you blush. Our rules are based on simply doing the right thing. If we accomplish avoiding the appearance of evil, and/or removing all stumbling blocks, all the better!

I think that's the heart of God for us. He doesn't give us rules to burden us, but rather to liberate us. There is nothing more satisfying that having positive and edifying results from good, solid decisions. I'm thankful the Bible is full of direction, heart, and love regarding such things.

I just love that I'm involved in church, yet am able to keep a healthy perspective about its place in my life. I just wanted to share, to be an encouragement, and I hope this strikes a chord with those reading.

Roz

calv (calv)
10-27-2005, 04:09 AM
Thanks Roz

You strike a cord with me! Church...not the end all to be all! I wonder how I got so religious? I dont think its all just because of chapel. A lot of things were ingrained in me long before I got there. My way of thinking made me a prime candidate to fall into a place like cc.

Community.... I think that says a lot to what I was looking for. I grew up in a community, a very religious community. I hated it... they were such hypocrites, still are. I though chapel was differnt.... it was, but not really.
I still long for a community, today Im in one, It just takes time to relize my place in that community but more important who I am and my role in it. Its a very differnt community than the ideal one of my imagionation... it is one of reality. Its been hard to accept.... because I couldnt accept myself. I didnt know who I was. The past had left its imprint on my life. It took a lot of work to understand the past. What parts I had control of and what I didnt. Shame and blame do a lot to a person. An unhealthy community full of shame and blame can raise some twisted beliefs.

We thought we HAD to send our kids to christian school! Public school was bad. So we did... till I got sick and couldnt work. We couldnt afford it so they went off too public school. Wow... were we ever wrong! OK its a long story but they are doing better than ever, and we are way more involved in our community than ever, and I see my kids light shine in a good way... not a religious way. Its just funny how God works and uses things we think are bad for good!

ct

steve (steve)
10-28-2005, 05:05 PM
Roz,

It's good to hear of things like this - of people finding restoration and balance. It does strike a chord. Thanks again for sharing your story.

roz (roz)
11-01-2005, 10:06 PM
Thanks for your feedback, guys. Calv, it sounds like we have some similar thoughts along these lines. I try not to get too discouraged when I think of how far I need to come and how far the body of Christ needs to come on being more like Christ. Thank the Lord it is He who is doing the work!

And, Steve, I don't mean any kind of offense when I mention I'm not into alcohol. I enjoyed the earlier banter on beer even though I've never ever liked the stuff. Far be it from me to be any kind of judge in the matter.

Thanks for sharing.

Roz

steve (steve)
11-01-2005, 10:28 PM
<font face="Georgia">Roz,

I knew in what spirit you meant your remarks about alcohol - I didn't take any offense. I have no concerns at all about anybody who has considered the question and has decided they'd really rather not drink. I have both Christian and non-Christian friends like that.

What I do have a concern about are churches that make it a rule that its members can't drink; and also about people who will tell you that you aren't a good Christian if you choose to drink. That is a legalistic, non-Biblical belief.</font>

roz (roz)
11-02-2005, 02:16 PM
Thanks, Steve. I agree regarding legalism; however, I think that many Christians base their decision not to drink on Biblical principal. You mentioned it is a non-Biblical belief. Care to clarify?

Of course, there are many, many things that Christians ought not to do. It's just that the approach churches primarily use seems to result in more bondage rather than freedom. Folks get tired of being hammered about what they can and cannot do. I think that's why so many people at CCBTC crashed and burned after they didn't have a church to tell them what they could or couldn't do!

Drinking alcohol, in my opinion, is a gray area, and I've never personally bothered to do a Bible study on the matter. My choice is not based on what the Bible does or doesn't say on the matter, nor is it based on what my church might tell me I need to do (which, by the way, my church teaches that Christians should not drink). I explained in my earlier post why I do not drink.

I've been reading through the Gospels this past week, and have been struck by how much Jesus told people what to do and what not to do. Yet, he blasts the Pharisees time after time for all the so-called "right" things they are doing. It all has to do with their false outward appearances which attempt to hide their evil hearts.

If there is evil in my heart, such as judging and condemning those who drink, I'm nothing better just because I don't drink. This is the message I really want to convey here.

Roz

roz (roz)
11-02-2005, 02:26 PM
Calv,

I meant to mention earlier that I wrestled with the Christian school thing about 3 years ago. I finally decided I honestly couldn't afford it, and that was the deal breaker. Things aren't perfect, but they are OK. Plus, I had a lot of other Christians telling me that Christian school wasn't everything it was cracked up to be. In fact, my pastor sacrificed to send his 3 kids there, and he told me he had some regret over the decision, citing that his youngest went to the public school her senior year and it was by far the best year ever. Interesting!

steve (steve)
11-02-2005, 03:31 PM
<font face="Georgia">Roz,

It took me a few years after leaving the Chapel to realize that there aren't in fact any scriptures against drinking alcohol. What there are scriptures against is drunkenness.

Jesus drank wine. He never told anybody that they ought not to drink. Instead, he turned water into wine for a wedding celebration, and he made it one of the elements we are instructed to partake of in the Lord's Supper.

As in everything, moderation is the key. Drinking can be a joy or it can be a curse depending on how we handle it. With friends, it is a pleasant way to relax. Alone and in depression, it can practically destroy a person.

On a broader note, although it doesn't sound as if you are in any real danger of this, be careful of reading the Bible as if it is primarily a source of rules for living the Christian life - of what we ought and ought not to do. The Christian life is not a matter of following rules. It is not moralism. The Christian life is one of faith in the Savior who was sent from heaven to redeem us. That faith is created and nourished through hearing the Word and, as I have come to believe, through the sacraments - through one's baptism and through participation in the Lord's Supper. The preaching of the Word by God's ministers, and also baptism and the Lord's Supper, are the means used by the Holy Spirit to impart the grace by which our faith is created and by which it grows.

Faith doesn't grow by our attempts to obey the law revealed in the Word. The law's purpose is to show us our ultimate inability to live righteously; therefore, to lead us to Christ, the one who did keep the law perfectly for us and who, in our stead, accepted the penalty we deserved for not keeping the law. The way of righteousness we now follow is apart from the law:<blockquote><font color="0000ff">Now we know that what things soever the law saith, it speaketh to them that are under the law; that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may be brought under the judgment of God: because by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified in his sight; for through the law cometh the knowledge of sin.

But now apart from the law a righteousness of God hath been manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets; even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ unto all them that believe; for there is no distinction; for all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God; being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.
(Romans 3:19-24)</font></blockquote></font>

(Edited for spelling and grammar by the author, who needs to learn to proofread before he posts, not after.)

(Message edited by steve on November 02, 2005)

calv (calv)
11-02-2005, 04:20 PM
Real christians
don't smoke
or drink
have bad thoughts
work on sunday

they dont eat pork
they tithe at least 10%
dont watch tv
or go to movies

they only dress aproprately
dont act like the world
never miss church
and always get there early
and stay late

if someone has a loss
they bring a coffee cake
thier kids are perfect
a reflection of themselfs
and they dont go to public school

movinon (movinon)
11-02-2005, 07:24 PM
Roz and Steve,

I agree with the fact that drinking is not prohibited in the Bible...but, drunkeness is definitely condemned.

Having grown up in a family where alcoholism was rampant and suffering much because of it, one would think that I would fall into the category of absolutely no alcoholic beverages whatsoever, but I do not. I think that being able to be moderate in this area allows us to participate in something that is and can be quite enjoyable. My spouse and I enjoy having a good wine with a meal, and we also also enjoy a good beer, but neither one of us has a problem with alcohol. In a way, I feel sorry for people that cannot allow themselves that freedom, but I certainly understand why they would make that choice.

Some health professionals speculate that the problem with our approach to alcohol in this country is that we are working off of an abstinence-based model, when in fact, the data seem to support that a "harm reduction model" (or controlled drinking) is a much more effective approach. Having seen both sides of the coin, I tend to think they are right. But that is another issue...

I simply appreciate the freedom that I now have...the freedom to choose and more importantly, to respect the right of others to choose as well. It's a heavy load trying to be everyone's conscience, and unfortunately, that is what legalism will do for you!

mo

roz (roz)
11-09-2005, 03:18 PM
Mo, thanks for enlightening me on this "harm reduction model." I had never heard of it and it makes sense. I don't see a problem with drinking in moderation for a person who isn't addicted to alcohol. A question: In the case of an alcoholic, I assume abstinence is the best approach?

Another question: On the topic of teen sex and the Christian, I assume abstinence is the best approach? A harm reduction model would no doubt advise the use of a condom and/or other modes of birth control. What's your opinion, if you don't mind my asking?

Thanks,
Roz

movinon (movinon)
11-10-2005, 07:38 PM
Hi Roz,

Well, actually, the harm reduction models are for those with drinking problems...those without a problem already have the ability to moderate that behavior. The whole heart of the issue, Roz, is that when people feel they are in control of their own lives and choices, they do much better at carrying out their plans and decisions. Many people who participate in a harm reduction model of drinking end up choosing, of their own volition, to be abstinent, and are more successful at being abstinent because THEY have made that choice, and it's not someone else telling them they cannot partake.

As to the teen sex issue, well, I'm a firm believer in abstinence until marriage...but that is simply not the reality out there. So, knowing that most teenagers are going to have sex, I would certainly encourage them to be safe and smart. BUT, my ultimate advice would be to simply wait until you are married...it is smarter and safer, and certainly reduces the harm that one might find themselves encountering. This world is a scary place, and the diseases that are rampant among promiscuous populations are very serious. But, I'm sure you know teenagers and young people have that sense of immortality that keeps them from taking these things as seriously as they should. So, we do and say what we can and pray that our words fall on ears that will hear.

mo