calv
04-23-2006, 07:56 PM
something I posted on ccg
where do thoughts come from?
Posted by calvin on 4/23/2006, 2:01 pm, in reply to "Erroneous self inflicted ideas, or bad advice...my personal torment continues"
71.112.210.128
John
I "failed" third grade.
That became my "role" in life....
Even today the imprint of the past has been burned into my brain.... I was branded.
So many things have such a profound impact on people.
Even one small incident that may seem harm less can leave a mark that last a life time.
Ouur pastor told a story how in third grade he road the bus to school. A kid stole a magazine from his Dad and opend it and showed him pornography for the first time.
He had never seen anything like it before.
To this day he cannot remember his teachers face....
but he can remember what he saw on the bus that day!
As ive gone thru life Ive looked for answers.... and belive me there where plenty given. I never belived in myself.... I belived what other people thought of me.
Funny how they do that in a subtle christian kind of way.
Now as I look back I ask what was it about me? What was it about them?
It is a tough search.... church has been the source of most of the things in my life that I call abuseive.
Its not what they "SAY"
Its what they "DO"
Christianity seems to be an act many people hide behind... myself included.
A few years ago I found I had become everything I dispized about "christians"..... I was the very epitomy of what I hated.
I look at everyone else and could see what was wrong with them... and that justified my behaviour.
It also isolated me from reality.
Of course I really thought I knew what reality was after all I had been thru... but the truth was all I knew was what had been imprited on my mind all these yrs.
The rest of the story is just beggining for me.
I starts by telling the truth! Acknowlaging my feelings
and not allowing what others say to define who I am.
It is very easy to lable people.... we do it all the time!!!
I belive cc did things to many people... yes there were things that seemed to be so good but in the end it left us all with a lot of pieces to pick up.
Have we really pick up all the pieces?
Do we really have all the answers to what happened there?
NO .... I don't think we have even begun!
There are those that would be labled backslidden or fallen or decived etc..... and there are those who only want to belive that what we went thru at cc was not as bad as it was, but it was actually good!
What Im sayin John is we all have a long way to go still!
The more honest people become the futher we can go twords the truth!
calvin triemstra
where do thoughts come from?
Posted by calvin on 4/23/2006, 2:01 pm, in reply to "Erroneous self inflicted ideas, or bad advice...my personal torment continues"
71.112.210.128
John
I "failed" third grade.
That became my "role" in life....
Even today the imprint of the past has been burned into my brain.... I was branded.
So many things have such a profound impact on people.
Even one small incident that may seem harm less can leave a mark that last a life time.
Ouur pastor told a story how in third grade he road the bus to school. A kid stole a magazine from his Dad and opend it and showed him pornography for the first time.
He had never seen anything like it before.
To this day he cannot remember his teachers face....
but he can remember what he saw on the bus that day!
As ive gone thru life Ive looked for answers.... and belive me there where plenty given. I never belived in myself.... I belived what other people thought of me.
Funny how they do that in a subtle christian kind of way.
Now as I look back I ask what was it about me? What was it about them?
It is a tough search.... church has been the source of most of the things in my life that I call abuseive.
Its not what they "SAY"
Its what they "DO"
Christianity seems to be an act many people hide behind... myself included.
A few years ago I found I had become everything I dispized about "christians"..... I was the very epitomy of what I hated.
I look at everyone else and could see what was wrong with them... and that justified my behaviour.
It also isolated me from reality.
Of course I really thought I knew what reality was after all I had been thru... but the truth was all I knew was what had been imprited on my mind all these yrs.
The rest of the story is just beggining for me.
I starts by telling the truth! Acknowlaging my feelings
and not allowing what others say to define who I am.
It is very easy to lable people.... we do it all the time!!!
I belive cc did things to many people... yes there were things that seemed to be so good but in the end it left us all with a lot of pieces to pick up.
Have we really pick up all the pieces?
Do we really have all the answers to what happened there?
NO .... I don't think we have even begun!
There are those that would be labled backslidden or fallen or decived etc..... and there are those who only want to belive that what we went thru at cc was not as bad as it was, but it was actually good!
What Im sayin John is we all have a long way to go still!
The more honest people become the futher we can go twords the truth!
calvin triemstra