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hurdygurdygurl (hurdygurdygurl)
09-16-2005, 09:40 PM
This is a poem I wrote last about one year ago, as I was travelling from Washington State to BC. Any comments and suggestions are appreciated as I consider all my poems a continual work in progress. I don't think a poem is ever actually a finished piece of work. It's dynamic.

And on a prophetic note, unbeknownst to me, Mount St. Helen's was just about to start billowing smoke, the most it had in years (while this was billowing inside of me!).

<u>My Primal Wound</u>

My primal wound,
gushes like a maddened volcano
Spilling and spewing forth red-hot lava
Like blood down the sides of it’s own mountaintop.

From far away,
What a wondrous, miraculous sight to behold!
This awesome manifesto of heart’s inner core
My life desires cresting waves of determined healing.

Fate cries out,
Freedom! Hope! Come now and birth yourself!
In glowing, flowing rivers of crusted, silvered molten rock.
Force your yearning self through this softened, ripened cervix

Of my heart,
I am tired, torn, beaten and almost completely worn-out.
Yet suddenly quickened, now bearing down on fiery eruptions
Of crowning heads held high in liquid golden-amber flame.

My voice screaming,
Urgent alarum in anguished sounds of smoldering, threshold pain.
“Can a country be brought forth in a day or a nation in a moment?”
And “Who will welcome the grand arrival of this newborn, emergent life?”

Come now Love,
Writhe your pulsating self through this groundswell birth canal.
Perforce with vigor through this raging, rimmed-hot Ring of Fire.
Thrust your meek and mighty self into hallowed, presaged destiny.

Mother’s womb is gone. Child now is born.
Breathing has begun. Angels sing their songs.
Victory swords are drawn. This battle will be won.
Time now has come. For we have seen the dawn.

Please tell me,
Would we die a certain death?
If we could feel the burning spot
In God’s own manifold soul?

- September 2004
- See Isaiah 66:8

lc_20 (lc_20)
09-17-2005, 01:05 PM
hurdygurdygurl,

Can you share a little background to help me understand this poem?

You posted on one of the older threads a list on which your points 12 and 13 showed some real fears.
Are you still in EN? Are points 12 and 13 emotions you are feeling now? Or, are you posting past experiences. If they are feelings you are having now, lets talk through it. Those are some unhealthy fears that need resolution. You should feel safer than that in a local church environment.

hurdygurdygurl (hurdygurdygurl)
09-17-2005, 07:22 PM
Well, some of the poem is referring to placing my son, Daniel, for adoption when I was 17 years old and some of it's about my hope and faith in God.

Yes, I am in EN. Well, the church I go to is part of ENCM which makes me part of ENCM. So yes, I am in ENCM and in some ways I can see how it looks like and smells like a church cult or chult (as someone aptly put it).

Simply put - I am allergic to anything controlling or abusive.

My experiences are about now and the past. And just so you know I have had some experiences with YWAM (1981 and 1987). My dad was involved with YWAM. I did a DTS in Goulburn, Australia in 1987. That was rough.

Does anyone know when the first message was posted and where it is now? I spent some time trying to follow the threads from the beginning and I couldn't find the beginning. Now that sounds funny!

pilgrim (pilgrim)
09-17-2005, 10:07 PM
Hi hurdygurdygurl,

I wrote this song in another language in 1984, well after I left the cult Maranatha.I did not found love in Maranatha either. There I found prosperity gospel which made people like me feel like hiding in shame because I was a teenager and very poor at that time I joined Maranatha, but I did not see love. I did not have a family to protect me. I felt alone in the world. I was alone, only God was with me.

This is the song

A long time ago I was looking for love,
I was seeking somebody to laugh with, someone to share with.
But I only found a struggle and pain,
rages, contentions, lies and bitternes.
There was not love, there was not love.
Until one day I found God
He was sad, much sadder than I
because in this world, there was not love
there was not love.

Jesus Christ looked into my eyes and told me to come.
He told me come and follow me, for together we would make a better world.
A better world.



hurdygurdygurl,

Did you read the Youth With A Mission (YWAM) thread on factnet? What do you think about it?

Blessings

pilgrim

lc_20 (lc_20)
09-17-2005, 10:17 PM
Hurdy, It sounds like you have been through some very tough times. I hope you are safe from abuses now. Even within EN, I hope you have found a supportive group which is not playing control games with you. I am also allergic to anything controlling or abusive. Peace and Freedom.

hurdygurdygurl (hurdygurdygurl)
09-17-2005, 10:21 PM
Thanks Pilgrim. I like your song. What language was it written in?

And yes, I did look at the YWAM thread. I checked it out and read a few posts. Maybe even posted there. I am so grateful for FACTNET. For a place to share my story with the lost, the last, the least and the lonely.

pilgrim (pilgrim)
09-17-2005, 10:23 PM
Hi again Hurdy,

If you wish to find the first message click on Maranatha Latter Rain in the factnet discussion board and then click on Maranatha Latter Rain Original Thread. I hope that you find this information useful.

pilgrim (pilgrim)
09-17-2005, 10:30 PM
Hi hurdy,

The song was written in spanish. I think that people will find my identity now. I have already written a lot about myself so I think that it will be difficult to be anonymous for ever.

Welcome to factnet.

God bless you

pilgrim

hurdygurdygurl (hurdygurdygurl)
09-17-2005, 10:36 PM
Thanks lc. I am not sure if I will ever be safe from abuses but I am safe in Christ, if that makes sense. It's the incorporating that truth into my life which is the hard part. And that's the work of the Holy Spirit in me.

And getting rid of my own religious-controlling mindset is also painful and difficult. I like the David Bowie song, "Changes". Somehow it says it all.

Changes by David Bowie

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/david-bowie/changes.html