dancer
09-21-2006, 05:50 PM
In the last 4 months my life changed in some unreal ways.
OK I still can't spell, and I type to fast. I might be stealth to the point of being called strange but as Boss put it the poster child of GGWO (It's ok Phil), the Village idiot, and the press hound I feel pretty good about what has changed and the decisions I made.
I ended up chasing somebody who I knew there was no hope for in a relationship, I gave up on God just coming through for me, or providing that miracle. Its not to be.
I put to much effort into exposing the sins of GGWO, and I have no regrets about the outcome.
For months I could not think straight, and everybody love to use me as an example of amental case.
Before my last son was born I thought about how terrible life had become, no family (lost a family of 5), I had turned into somebody I did not like. I was hurt, felt abandoned by God, and was sure I was not ever going to be loved again.
My son was born. People stood up for me, a family help me out in ways my family never would, when I wrote the truth even as painful as it was people stood with me. I got called crazy more times than anything I ever seen.
I went back to work, the relationship that was doomed produced a child under terrible circumstances, and while being in a fight like this is never fun, at least it didn't get weird like it did with the GGWO crowd involved. I hold him all the time, and know with all the strange things going on that there is not only reasons to stay alive there are reasons to LIVE.
Days after my son was born I read that piece in the Lang story where Alan contacts the mother of a man who killed himself before his child was born. I sat in tears knowing this has most likely played out several times from the experiance I have with the ministry.
I have a job, and my life is getting back together again. I don't know if there is a chance I will ever reconcile with Keri my wife of 10 years that produced 4 great kids. I know it will always be hard for me to give up what I have for something I do not have in Baltimore, a relationship with my child. But God does intervene. The miracle has already happened.
Look if the village idiot can get his. So can you. P&T, Dave M, Laura, Tom, and many more have prayed me out of storms, and often held me together when it seemed for sure I was gone. To many of you 4 months is like a bleep on a radar screen, to me its like forever.
To have not one but two courts side with you, and to see those who came against stand out as spoiled brats who lie about the evil they do to many may seem like a fun things to live with. Not really. Mike Marr and myself knew each other before GGWO. His argument with me one time over salvation was inspiriation for me to study the church fathers, and to start learning greek. Knowing justice will be done is bittersweet when it was people you loved. But there is hope in all of this. It is Christ.
OK I still can't spell, and I type to fast. I might be stealth to the point of being called strange but as Boss put it the poster child of GGWO (It's ok Phil), the Village idiot, and the press hound I feel pretty good about what has changed and the decisions I made.
I ended up chasing somebody who I knew there was no hope for in a relationship, I gave up on God just coming through for me, or providing that miracle. Its not to be.
I put to much effort into exposing the sins of GGWO, and I have no regrets about the outcome.
For months I could not think straight, and everybody love to use me as an example of amental case.
Before my last son was born I thought about how terrible life had become, no family (lost a family of 5), I had turned into somebody I did not like. I was hurt, felt abandoned by God, and was sure I was not ever going to be loved again.
My son was born. People stood up for me, a family help me out in ways my family never would, when I wrote the truth even as painful as it was people stood with me. I got called crazy more times than anything I ever seen.
I went back to work, the relationship that was doomed produced a child under terrible circumstances, and while being in a fight like this is never fun, at least it didn't get weird like it did with the GGWO crowd involved. I hold him all the time, and know with all the strange things going on that there is not only reasons to stay alive there are reasons to LIVE.
Days after my son was born I read that piece in the Lang story where Alan contacts the mother of a man who killed himself before his child was born. I sat in tears knowing this has most likely played out several times from the experiance I have with the ministry.
I have a job, and my life is getting back together again. I don't know if there is a chance I will ever reconcile with Keri my wife of 10 years that produced 4 great kids. I know it will always be hard for me to give up what I have for something I do not have in Baltimore, a relationship with my child. But God does intervene. The miracle has already happened.
Look if the village idiot can get his. So can you. P&T, Dave M, Laura, Tom, and many more have prayed me out of storms, and often held me together when it seemed for sure I was gone. To many of you 4 months is like a bleep on a radar screen, to me its like forever.
To have not one but two courts side with you, and to see those who came against stand out as spoiled brats who lie about the evil they do to many may seem like a fun things to live with. Not really. Mike Marr and myself knew each other before GGWO. His argument with me one time over salvation was inspiriation for me to study the church fathers, and to start learning greek. Knowing justice will be done is bittersweet when it was people you loved. But there is hope in all of this. It is Christ.