The Son of a Cop

[gone_to_pa (gone_to_pa)]

Hello,
You might know me as GTP. I thought at this time it might be a good time as any to tell you my story. Not my GGWO story. A story that will give you some background on where I have come from. At two weeks of age my biological mother decided that she couldn't take care of me, so I was signed over to Catholic Charities to be adopted out. I was adopted at about 5 mos of age by a policeman and his wife. My adopted mother was a sweetheart, and it is because of her that I am alive today to tell this story. Everything was normal until around the age of 6 or 7. It is when I began first grade. First my dad wanted to have me in Parochial School. After two days of that, I was thrown out for giving the nun a hard time. When my dad came to pick me up from school that day, I knew from then on things were going to be different. As soon as I sat in the car, front seat, my dad took his hand and backhanded me across the mouth. This put my two front teeth through my lip. As the blood ran down my chin, he started to scream obscenities at the top of his lungs right in my face. He told me I was a nothing and was never going to amount to nothing. When I arrived at home he told me to go clean myself up and get ready for dinner. My mother ask what had happened and when I went to explain, he told me I'd better shut up and mind my own bussiness and told my mom the same. At around the age of 8 the beatings began to progress. Now he was using his belt and making me stand at attention while being beat. If I flinched, I would get one more.Sometimes he beat me so many times that he wore himself out. These beatings were not just on my butt, but also my back and my legs. Knocking my teeth through my lip was an everyday thing by now.And the screaming in my face never stopped throughout my life with him. Please don't think bad about my mom. She took my dad to court on more than one occasion, but because of my dad being a big time Lieutenant, the cases were always thrown out before we even got into the courtroom. Around the age of 10 I started to sprout up, but my dad was a short man, 5ft7" and now I was starting to be taller than him. He hated this. He would take me to the police station and the guys would tease him about the milkman being my dad and it would infuriate him. At 10 was when the real beatings started. He would pick me up by my ears and pound my head into the wall until sometimes he would put a hole in the sheetrock. My mother would try to defend me by putting her hands behind my head, and she got her fingers broke on more than one occasion. By this time going from 10-11-12 were like I was living in a horror story. I would watch out the side window for my dad to come home and I could tell by the look on his face as to whether or not I was going to get it. His methods advanced also. By now the belt had broke and so he came up with a little number I like to call the strap. It consisted of a broom handle sawed off about 3/4 long and then he nailed two pieces of leather belt onto the broom, and tore the end to make strips. At this time my dad was Head of the Narcotics Squad in Balt Cnty. Now this is back in the late 60's and the 70's. You were not to popular if your dad was busting everyone's older brother or sister you went to school with. I remember walking down the hall in school and getting sucker punched in the face and then jumped on by 3, 4, sometimes up to 12 guys. This was because my dad was the Narc, so I was considered one too. When I would ride the school bus they put cigarettes out on my head and neck. I eventually couldn't ride the bus, and then I would get home and tell my dad what happened, and he told me I had to learn to be a man. Then I was made to stand at attention and whipped with the strap, and as always, everytime I flinched, I got another. I couldn't even take a shower after gym class because I had welt marks, many which drew blood, from the middle of my back all the way down to the back of my knee's.I was thrown down flights of stairs.Punched in the face , the stomach and wherever else he could get a shot in while I was covering up. Then as a young teen I started to run away from home. I was between the ages of 12 to 15 now.First time I made it to FLA and guess who drove down to pick me up. Well let's just put it like this. I had to get my front tooth removed after the journey. I couldn't win. Go to school, get jumped by a gang, go home and get the strap until I bled. I still have flat spots on the back of my head where he put my head through the wall all the way until I was about 15 or 16. It was a vicious cycle. I couldn't understand this man. he beat me half to death 6 days a week and then took me to church on Sundays. I reportd his actions to the parish priest, he said it was just a little discipline. I told the police that would pick me up in various states for running away and they ignored me. Once I made it to Vegas always hitchhiking, and this time he flew me back. I talked to my mom on the phone from the police station in Nevada and she promised she would come get me at the airport. Guess who showed up. I have so many scars on the insides of my lips.Eventually at the age of 17 I was put in a home for kids who are encourageble and incontrollable by their parents. I started drugs when I was 12 so no one would think I was a narc. I didn't stop until I was 39 yrs old. Spent 5 1/2 yrs of my life behind bars. And now the Lord by His grace has delivered me from all of that. My dad died last year, and my mom lives in Vegas. If you knew me, I mean really knew me, then you would know that sometimes I speak harshly, sometimes I don't quite get out the things I want to say the way I want to say them. That is why sometimes I quote different authors because I used to have a speech impediment, I guess from being so nervous all the time. I hope this will give you some insight into me. I am a Big Teddy Bear, and if your my friend, I will go into the darkest alley in the worst neighborhood, if i think I can help you or yours in any way. That's All GTP

[angelathisfeet (angelathisfeet)]

That was hard to read, can't imagine living it. You just never know the hell some have lived through! Thank you for taking the time to share your story and enduring the pain of reliving it while doing so. You're safe now deep in the arms of Jesus. Blessings upon you my brother.

[calv (calv)]

Gtp

Your one of those kids, nobody ever thinks about.
hidden away. Not to be remembered....
Keep it all inside, nobody knows,how hard that is.
Were only as sick as our secrets. I know youve come a long long way....from where youve been. I hope you find mercy on the road ahead. Your story matters...
more than you know. So many others afraid to come out
...what will it cost? what will you pay? for who you are inside......
I wish this to be a place, where the wounded can come and feel safe....from where ever or what ever it was that hurt them....
we get hit from so many directions....its hard to tell
who the good guys are and who the bad guys are.
we all look the same...
till we let down our guard...and cry for help...
let me put out my hand, I know I aint much but Im all ive got!

calv

[gone_to_pa (gone_to_pa)]

Thankyou angel,

After tonite on some other threads, it is nice to hear "blessings upon you my brother" Blessings to you and yours my sister. I remember one day I had stolen my dads service revolver and was sitting in my closet deciding whether to shoot myself or him. I know the Lord's hand was upon me that day, and even through it all, as I look back, His hand was upon me the whole time.
I blamed God for many years. I thank the Lord for all that he has done and all that He has been. I am among men, blessed.
In His Love
Gone to PA

[gone_to_pa (gone_to_pa)]

Calv,
You just blew me away. I'm sitting here crying, crying because of the truth you speak. The kind of truth that only one that's been there knows. That is why this place is double sided, that is why we are so double sided so many times. The things we've been through seem to surface no matter how much we have sworn to not let it out. Our true feelings, the cost is great. Greater than we could even know. But you know what, there is ONE who knows, He too has been there. I thank my God through Jesus Christ that my Substitute was the God-Man. He knows, He's been there. My brother, you have touched me so deeply, only you could know the depth. For the one who knows the depth you speak of is also you. Come out, there all gone now. If they are not, there are some people here from back in the Old School that were known as thorough. Your heart and hand has touched one of that rare breed of good people tonight. If there is anything, and I am not one to say that lightly, you know the depth of me, because you are the same, and there is a great depth in you. Again if there is anything I can do, you can find me on the e-mail list. Your brother, in Christ

[sojourner (sojourner)]

Dear GTP,
That does it...please tell your wife that I am collecting one more teddy bear- you. Now that I have you before I go to sleep I am giving you a very big hug....There did you feel it.
PS I couldn't find anyone to do the ice method, I am still not over it completely but I was so touched by the time you spent writing that post.
I would tell you some other things but I am not as fearless as others on this site.
I know you would relate.

I try not to focus on misunderstandings, I know complete understanding and compassion reside only in the heart of God. I don't get a kick out of complaining, but I will never deny someone else their felt need to vent pain,as I have not been denied.
I am so sorry you went through what you went through as a child GTP, it makes me see the beauty of loving kindness that we all long for.

Take care and keep praying for me, I will only say this to you: "I am not out of the woods yet."
Love to you and your family,
Patricia

[dragged_thru_mud (dragged_thru_mud)]

My Grandfather drank like a fish so he was abusive too. I am very lucky that my father made a huge effort not to duplicate any of his father's behavior.

[calv (calv)]

gtp

it cuts both ways
inside and out
time to heal

[sojourner (sojourner)]

Funny Calv,
Today I woke up and wept..I just wrote to you on the discourse thread...I told someone privately that I felt punctured and things were just pouring out, things I have never allowed myself to see, the child in me was running away, hidden in my brain somewhere, afraid to feel these things, afraid of not surviving. It cuts everyway, this planet is a battlefield, the war extends to the east and west and to the reaches of space and beyond...it takes time to heal and many feel that time is running out. I am trying to feel hope against hope as time marches by and still the questions abound. I wonder does it ever stop. It will, the question is what to do in the meantime. I have no clue.
Patricia

[calv (calv)]

in the meantime
we do the best we can
one day at a time
I too hope it will stop
I try to forget
but I can't
I get the message
in the usual way
trianglation
they get togetter
and decide
that there right
they have every reason
so why do they run
Im such a threat
others must be warned
to keep them from harm.

what direction to go
got all mixed up
did what they said
trusted them too
then i found out
things aint all they appear
the stuff thats hid
the way they control
its awfuly tricky
to know who to trust
but the more that we show
each other we care
over time we will find
a safe place
we can heal

[dave_drago (dave_drago)]

Thank you for your story. We all have a story to tell. We are so fragile. Sin is so destructive. Especially, when a parent is the abuser.

I am comforted to know that God in HIS grace and according to HIS plan has rescued us and is patient with us as we learn to make peace with our past (the good, bad and the ugly), looking to HIM for the understanding and love that HE supplies. Your Heavenly Father knows you by name and says that in Christ you are everything HE wants you to be.

And Old Indian Prayer:

"LORD,
Grant that I not criticize my neighbor,
until I have walked a mile in his moccasins."

[helenaofmass (helenaofmass)]

Dear GTP

Your story broke my heart. It seems that sometimes the people who are supposed to love us the most are the ones who inflict the most harm on us. Please know that I am praying for you and your family. I hope that you will learn to trust and put your faith in the people here.
Our innocence is the first thing to go and our trust the hardest thing to hold on to. But it is worth the struggle for HIS love.
You are very much cared about and prayed for.
IN HIS NAME

[sojourner (sojourner)]

Thanks for the poem calv.
Patricia

[gone_to_pa (gone_to_pa)]

I thank one and all for their prayers and concerns.
In His Love
GTP

[wj_hunt_big_bird (wj_hunt_big_bird)]

GTP , thank you for sharing your story, it also makes me cry, wondering how anyone could do that and also wondering how anyone ever makes it through it. I have been through some stuf but i was never abused like that. God Bless You in your efforts to overcome that terrible place in your life. and as calv said your story does matter and so do you. Just wanted you to know i read your story and am deeply touched by the intense feeling that you shared it with. It is always better to turn the bad things to a positve. thank you.
Bill

[gone_to_pa (gone_to_pa)]

Hey Bill,
Thanks, it was a lesson i learned early in life was how to be the opposite of the things you hate. I guess the most important thing for me was that, I never carried that to my kids. i promised myself when i was to young to even know anything, but this one thing, If I were ever to have a child, i would never do to him or her what my dad did to me. I guess that's why those who are incarcerated for child abuse usually don't last to long. I could tell you the story of a prisoner at City Jail who had his charges read aloud in front of a cell of about 90 men waiting to go to court. When the C.O. (corrections officer) finished saying what so and so did to 7 yr old little johnny and 8 yr old little Mickey, they had to move the guy out of the cell with the rest of us. The next morning on the way to breakfast ( feed-up) as they would call it, the child abuser was stabbed over 120 times. When they hit those bars to all open at the same time for an event like breakfast, everyone walks the teir to go eat. As they passed this guy they stuck him with a homemade knife ( a shank) He was dead well before the ambulance got there.i could tell you another 50 stories very similiar to that one, but it would serve no purpose. I guess I say all this to say, that even in a place where there are murderers and drug dealers and bank robbers, even among that society, there is not much room for those who would hurt a child.

[gone_to_pa]

TOday I turn 52; 1/24/55. You've come a long way baby!! only by the grace of God

[whatsup]

today is only the 23rd...no early celebrations

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[sybil]

GTP,
Just read your story.

I'm so sorry that you had to endure the abuse that you did as a child. Many thoughts ran through my head as I read your post. I spoke with a gentleman not long ago about his abusive childhood.
His dad was very well respected by all of the members at his church, as well as members of the community. Noone would ever believe the living hell that his wife and children endured on a daily basis.
My thoughts and prayers are with you this evening.
HAVE A GREAT, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! http://www.factnet.org/discus/clipart/happy.gif

[cordell]

Happy Birthday big guy! Praying for your healing.

[boss_martian]

Happy Birthday, Tom.

[dancer]

Happy Birthday Brother. Hope all is better!

[sister_mary]

Happy birthday Tom! Jesus will heal totally, from inside and outside!

Just be still and wait the Lord, as in the tune Jean Sibelius is making our hopes increase:

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/b/e/bestill.htm

[david_munson]

<font color="000000"><font face="arial,helvetica"></font>
OLD FART!!!!
LMAO
Don't feel bad I'm only a year behind you tomorrow.
1/25/56--51 years old.

Just another old fart.

</font>}

[sidethorn]

A big happy birthday Tom from another old fart!!!

SIDETHORN

[sister_mary]

Dear gone_to_pa: forgive to your father, the biological one and the stepfather and that offended nun, who caused your lifes misery. God will renew everything in your life, believe that! He will restore your life and turn everything for your best. Your stepfather may have experienced a same kind of physical torture by his own father and that is why he had a twisted vision of responsibility. Forgive him, because may be he was jealous about your mothers love towards you and felt a lack in his manhood because of these things. God knows. And that nun, she may have joined the sisterhood with wrong motives and lacked the fruit of the Spirit, which are with childraising and teaching love, tenderness and patience... and God will remind her one day because of that in your case, forgive her too!

Happy birthday to David too and if Jesus would be physically on the earth, he would have joined your birthday parties:

Luke 7:34:
The Son of man is come eating and drinking; and ye say, Behold, a gluttonous man, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners!

What a friend we have in Jesus!

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/w/a/f/wafwhij.htm


http://www.factnet.org/discus/clipart/happy.gif

[gone_to_pa]

WOW,

What a burn-out. I didn't even remeber posting that here. I have had so much on my mind. I truly apologize, ask your forgivness for not replying on my Birthday. I want to thank all of you also. Sister Mary, that stuff is behind me, but once in a while, when things seem to make the room smaller, the Devil loves to remind me of that, so as to get me to thinking, " This is the reason you are where you are in life." I don't know if that makes a bunch of sense, but I'll try.
Do you ever get the feeling that if some occurance hadn't happened in your life, you would be in a much "Better" place? Well, the devil always has this " If your adopted father had of been a friend, you wouldn't be out there killing yourself everyday to survive, paycheck to pay check is how it is. No check, it get's pretty miserable.
I don't know, it's just as if I question the Big Guy and want to know where He was through all this. I know many have had it way worse. I have seen miracles, some say I'm a miracle, but it doesn't feel like it too much. My health is what get's me thinking on this track, for my dad was retired at 45. Never had to work another day in his life. He took another job until he was the ripe old age of 52 and retired from that, taking 3/4 of his pay into some sort of retirement plan. Then here I am at the same age and know unless something happens realy, and I mean really big, I'll be working until I drop.
Sorry, but I just needed to ventilate a tad. I am blessed with a great wife, 3 great kids and I'm friends with all of them. If there is one consolation, it is that my kids are my friends.
My kids talk with me, aren't scared half to death of me. Don't dread me coming home. If they are doing something wrong, they just blurt it out like their talking to the guy up the street. Thats my blessing. The other day I came home and said, " it smells like herb in here" my daughter came straight out and said it was her. She had smoked some with some friends. I need to be quiet. Adios amigos......GTP Love all of you.

[sister_mary]

I hope to soon start jail-ministry again. When I was young, I was a member in a jail evangelising team and sang many songs and testified of Jesus- life to prisoners. Today I want to wish you a nice weekend with this sunbeam - song:

http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/i/l/l/illbeasb.htm

http://www.factnet.org/discus/clipart/happy.gif

[whatsup]

GTP, you are a sweet man, and your last post here really touched my heart. There is so much hurt in people's backgrounds that we don't know, we usually just see the surface and form our opinions. I remember one thing CHS always said and it was true (sorry but it was)..."be kind to people because you never know what they have been through". None of us, including him, always live by that, but its good to be reminded of it.

[sister_mary]

But what happened to this breast-queen Anna? She had a shallow end:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/arts/theshallowend/200702/s1843660.htm

Was her life meaningless, life in vanity? Did she ever hear a word of Jesus, who saves, fogives sins, purifies, sets free from vanity and gives purpose for life and eternal life?

http://cgi.ebay.com/The-Late-Gorgeous-Anna-Nicole-Smith-Photo-Picture-4x6_W0QQitemZ250082715862QQihZ015QQcategoryZ60329Q QrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ebayphotohosting

[sister_mary]

I am thnking about this world around us and how chaotic it is... When you told about about your childrens herbal experiments...

http://www.iltasanomat.fi/uutiset/kotimaa/uutinen.asp?id=1316752

Here in Finland last night two young lads died in a villa, where around ten-twenty young girls and lads were spending their evening. The police does not tell how the fire started. Seven of them had to go to medical checking because they have fireinjures and smokepoisoning. God spoke seriously to those young people. Drug problem is serious here in South Finland among youth from middle class to wealthy families. Their lives are so empty, so empty... Rock and roll cannot fill the gap, only Jesus does give satisfaction!

Many people, who listen to Christian preaching, maybe like Anna, do not understand a word, for example the meaning of "rapture" that means a happy metamorphosis to Christian believers when Jesus comes to call them to his big wedding feast in heaven. To non-Christians word rapture means something horrible, loosing your identity, loosing your physical life, dying, supernatural interference in human life, chaos, even the work of evil or experienence under religious suggestion or chemical drugs... I think this heavyrock band has very well turned their feelings into music and drawings what profan rapture may mean:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nn4kL8POF0U

But in Lukes gospel there is a strange thing:

"34. I say unto you, In that night there shall be two men on one bed; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left. 35. There shall be two women grinding together; the one shall be taken, and the other shall be left."

Does Luke talk that there are two gays lying in the bed and the other is a Christian and gets taken in rapture or does it mean that two men are in one bed for example in a other situation (jail, war, army etc.) where there is no room and the other is Christian? May gays look at this verse and immediately say, that gay and lesbian marriages are as Christian as hetero ones!

We know exatly what the Bible teaches about this if we want to read it as a whole...

[gone_to_pa]

Sister Mary,

John Gill's Exposition of the Bible

Matthew 24:41

Two women shall be grinding at the mill&amp;#65533;
Though the word women is not in the Greek text, yet it is rightly supplied by our translators, as it is in the Persic version; for the word rendered grinding, is in the feminine gender, and was the work of women, as appears both from the Scripture, (Exodus 11:5) (Isaiah 47:1,2) and from several passages in the Jewish writings, concerning which their canons run thus F16;

``These are the works which a woman is to do for her husband, (tnxwj) , "she must grind", and bake, and wash, and boil, and make his bed&amp;#65533;''
And elsewhere it is asked F17,
``how does she grind? she sits at the mill, and watches the flour, but she does not grind, or go after a beast, that so the mill may not stop; but if their custom is to grind at a hand mill, she may grind. The sanhedrim order this to poor people; for if she brings one handmaid, or money, or goods, sufficient to purchase, she is not obliged to grind&amp;#65533;''
Frequent mention is made, of women grinding together at the same mill: a case is put concerning two women grinding at an hand mill {r}, and various rules are given about it; as, that F19
``a woman may lend her neighbour that is suspected of eating the fruits of the seventh year after time, a meal sieve, a fan, a mill, or a furnace, but she may not winnow, nor "grind with her".''
Which it supposes she might do, if she was not suspected: again F20,
``the wife of a plebeian, (tnxwj) , "may grind" with the wife of a learned man, in the time that she is unclean, but not when she is clean.''
Nor was this the custom of the Jews only, for women to grind, but also of other countries, as of the Abyssines F21, and of both Greeks and Barbarians F23: the one shall be taken, and the other left;
as before, one shall be taken by the Romans, and either put to death, or carried captive; and the other shall escape their hands, through the singular providence of God. The Ethiopic version, and Munster's Hebrew Gospel add, "two shall be in one bed, one shall be taken, and the other left"; but these words are not in the copies of Matthew in common, but are taken out of (Luke 17:34) though they are in the Cambridge copy of Beza's, and in one of Stephens's.

I listened to a lecture by Johm Eldridge about heaven. After the Rapture. He was saying we Christains have it all wrong, I mean come on, us sitting around the altar singing " when we been here ten thousand years bright shining as the sun, we no less days to sing God's prayers then when we first begun." Sounds exciting right?? NO, and afternoon of the Ravens kicking the Boys butts is way more exciting. How about a day of "White Water Rafting" There will be a new heaven and a new earth. God is going to make all things new, not new all things. There will be time to do all kinds of neat stuff. Ever want to see the Grand Canyon, we'll have time. Ever want to go scuba diving in Hawaii? You'll have all the time you ever needed to do these things. Hvae we ever had the chance to see a Jewish celebration. The party and the singing and the dancing? I hear tell the Jewish nation can put on quite a shindig. Instrumnets and dancing all over, celebrating the New Kingdom, God makes His dwelling with us>!!! Now this sounds exciting top me. 10,000 years of singing Amazing Grace over and over wouldn't give me such a " looking forward too attitude" about our appearing on those sreeets of gold!!! What you think. Jesus said He wouldn't drink of the fruit of the vine until He seen us again in the Kingdom. I'll bet He's the first one to pop a cork and pass the wine! in His name, GTP

[cordell]

He is seated at the right hand of the Father and reigns even now. Hence the popping of the cork every Sunday in some churches...

[sister_mary]

One of the lads I told above was the son of actor and director Kai Lehtinen... I really feel sorry about his loss... may God give his family strenght in the time of sorrow and loss...

http://movies2.nytimes.com/gst/movies/filmography.html?p_id=357603http://www.factnet.org/discus/clipart/sad.gif

[sister_mary]

Hi gone_to_pa! Hope you are well! I would like to introduce You what happened to Steve Hill, a former drug addict who found Jesus Christ and healing and today is an evangelist:

http://www.stevehill.org/content/view/48/58/lang,en/ (http://www.stevehill.org/content/view/48/58/lang%2Cen/)