For Child Survivors of the TLW amp Centers of Learning Only

[tlw_escapee]

Part One of Two

PLEASE NOTE: This post is not an invitation for a big debate about how good or bad the Church of the Living Word is or is not. It is merely a way for me to connect with other people who had similar experiences. Please don't post platitudes or scriptures to try and change my mind about my history in this cult. There are plenty of other threads here for those types of discussions. If you find yourself wondering why people are making up these “lies” about your fave church, ask yourself why children who have never met, who were in TLW churches in different parts of the country, have almost identical stories of the types of abuse they suffered? There is no reason to make up things like this. If you are in the Walk now and loving it, then great. Hopefully if has changed for the better.

I have seen posts in this category by a couple of ex-students who were sexually/physically abused at Shiloh and elsewhere, and wanted to try and connect with some of you, as I had similar experiences. I went to the Centers of Learning School in the Valley from the ages of 7 to 16, starting in 1975. I began at the school when it was less than a year old, before they built the building for it next to the main sanctuary. We started in a little house across the street. JRS married my parents when I was 7 (they had been separated for several years), my mother and I entered the church and the misery began.

Things I experienced that qualify as abuse and/or cult behavior:
1. Being repeatedly spanked in classes with a huge wooden paddle. Funny how Shiloh and the church in the Valley had the exact same paddle for beating their students. It was huge, thick, and it had holes in it so they could swing it faster and harder for greater impact. Students did not even have to misbehave to be spanked. I was very shy, well-behaved, and studious, but that did not save me. P, one of my teachers, especially had a temper and she loved that paddle.
2. Being frequently yanked out of class at any moment to participate in intercession. Children should not be involved in this bizarre activity. It is frightening to young people. We did not understand what was going on, but we had to participate in a believable way or we got into big trouble. It was exhausting and scary to see the adults get into a frenzy, yelling, with their eyes rolling back into their heads.
3. Watching teacher J.E. spend classes with a little girl on his lap, rubbing her legs the entire time. If he was doing that in full view of the class, then what was he doing to other children behind closed doors?
4. Killing animals. Along with other TLW kids, I was forced to kill a chicken with an axe when I was 7, then cut it open and disembowel it. I was terrified and sobbing. For the life of me I cannot figure out what the point of that church event was, but there were all these people at a church member’s house, and they were butchering lots of chickens. There were many kids and adults there. There was so much blood and carnage everywhere, yet these men were laughing and joking as they axed through the squawking, struggling chickens’ necks, then watched them run around the yard, headless, with blood gushing up out of their necks. The kids were horrified. This is not appropriate for little kids. Even on farms, small children are not forced to do the butchering; they simply help feed and care for the animals. People who study ritual abuse in cults note that children are often exposed to animal butchering, because the violence terrorizes them and reinforces fearful obedience to the perpetrators of the abuse.

(Continued next post)

[tlw_escapee]

5. Having parents whose actions were totally controlled by the “Brothers.” My father beat my mother and I, and was emotionally/verbally abusive as well. When my mother would go to the elders for support, they belittled her, said she was lying, commanded her to “submit” to my father. They were reinforcing battered wife syndrome, endorsing my father’s abuse. There was absolutely no support system she could turn to, because she had been cut off from her outside friends, her entire life took place in the church, and nobody would go against the Brothers. Our activities were closely monitored. When my mother finally divorced my father, the church kicked her out.
6. My family lived in true poverty, yet TLW demanded that we tithe more and more to show our commitment to the Walk. Plus, every available minute of our time was spent working at Fine Line, slaving away in the kitchen at “the Building”, doing bake sales after services, etc. I remember staying up really late on school nights regularly, because Fine Line needed booklets collated and we were not allowed to leave until the work was done.
7. Being sent to Shiloh one summer, although I prefer to call it the Child Labor Camp. Did anyone tell these folks that child labor is illegal? It was nonstop. I have long had the feeling that I was sexually abused while there, but I have some memory gaps (a common effect for those who survive abuse), so I cannot remember all that happened there. When I read xstudent’s posts about being abused/beaten there, I want to throw up. My dramatic changes in behavior/appearance after I returned from Shiloh also support the idea that something went down while I was there. I so hope I am wrong. But there were so many adults staying at the compound there, many downright scary and creepy, and they had unlimited access to all the kids, all the time.
8. There was simply a complete lack of boundaries and personal safety for students in the TLW school environment. Numerous personal experiences to back that up, many involving my physical safety.
9. Being dragged all over LA to go to three services on Sundays, starting at 7:30am. First the Valley, then Anaheim, then Southgate. If JRS was there and talking, we had to be there too. It was exhausting, and we usually did not get back home till late in the day. Whenever we were driving we had to listen to tapes of JRS talking. We were expected to read copious amounts of printed materials as well, memorizing things.

I gave up my childhood to TLW and to my abusive home situation (which was supported and endorsed by them). Many other kids I went to school with were being beaten and abused at home just like I was, but the church exerted fierce control to keep their families together. Those who say that anyone can leave at any time do not understand the psychological control that is exerted in a cult environment.

I can only speak to the Walk in regards to my experiences with it in the 70s and 80s. People say it has changed, but when I read through their entire [new] website, I got chills at some of the language still used. I know the code words (I paid dearly for that decoder ring!). Yes, they paint a rosy picture of a healthy Christian environment. But control is obviously a focus, as it is alluded to in several subtle ways. And children still get sent to Shiloh where vast numbers of people have access to them and there are no parents to protect them, and there are still strange money issues being raised in these forums by folks who have recent involvement in the church.

I just would really like for some of the former kids of the Walk to contact me to discuss our shared experiences. I think it can help us.

[shiloh_survivor]

Hello. I grew up at the valley church, went to Centers of Learning thru 9th grade, then eventually moved to Shiloh, where I lived -- no slaved -- for three years. I left Shiloh during the Raba rule, almost destroyed as a person. I was 18 years old, and in a daze. It took me years and years to be able to function in the world afterwards. Years! I would love to hear more about your experiences. We likely know each other. I hope that you'll find my reply.

[georgieszendrey]

To tlw_escapee, How are you? How are your parents. I left the walk in 1977, as you I was scared for life. Yet I have learned that God is the God of love. He loves me, and understands my heart. Georgie

[truth_is_a_choice]

tlw-escapee
i'm so sorry to hear of your experiences & i believe you. I was not in the same area as you, but i was in the cult (living word fellowship) as a child from the early 80-s to the early 90-s, when i was a teenager i left. i was in a church in Gainesville Florida & later attended a living word fellowship church near Detroit Michigan. I can relate to the abuse from a more suddle standpoint since i only visited Shiloh when i was with my parents or a caring gardian. But my step father had some control issues &this cult only perpetuated (helped & added to the harm) that was going on at home. My best friend in church, who was the same age as I, had a physically abusive home environment. I don't remember her being beaten up. But her father who was extremely tall used to beat his wife up, his wife was very short & petite. I remember hearing them when i spent the night there once & my friend told me to stay there with her & be quiet, because its best if they didn't know we were up at that point. Very shortly after that the church knew he was beating his wife, so they set him in as a pastor (or leader -however you say it -he won the spot of authority). Like your situation, the church abused my mother & held my step father up over her & I. They had NO IDEA who my step father was or what he was. It looks like you haven't been on here in awhile. If you read this & even if you don't I hope you know that everybody isn't a blind follower of those lunatics & there are people who can relate to what you went through -& most people know only a lunatic would try to convert someone into an abusive cult.

You said:
"Having parents whose actions were totally controlled by the “Brothers.” My father beat my mother and I, and was emotionally/verbally abusive as well. When my mother would go to the elders for support, they belittled her, said she was lying, commanded her to “submit” to my father. They were reinforcing battered wife syndrome, endorsing my father’s abuse. There was absolutely no support system she could turn to, because she had been cut off from her outside friends, her entire life took place in the church, and nobody would go against the Brothers. Our activities were closely monitored. When my mother finally divorced my father, the church kicked her out."


With the exception of the physical abuse (but with the mental, emotional & phsycological abuse) My mother & I could TOTALLY relate to this statement, it is precisly true & accurate to what is very typical & common behavior of the authority figures in this church/cult.
If you ever want to chat -my email is bigbmogan@charter.net. take care.