la_mariposa (la_mariposa)
07-13-2005, 11:42 PM
Hi all. New to the board. I recently left my childhood church and I'm going through a period of discovering that a lot of the things I was taught are just not so. I grew up with so many rules, making me feel like I would burn in the fires of hell if I wore pants, or make up, went to the movies, didn't tithe, etc. I have mixed feelings about these things because I once defended our teachings on it, without any biblical basis, just because it is what I had always been taught. When I got into my teens I did rebel and left the church, my mother also 'backslid' a couple of times, but we did go back. I wouldn't trade my youth experience in the Lord for the world and I look back at those years and I'm grateful for what I had.
I guess I started questioning things when my then-Pastor stood in front of the congregation and confessed that he'd been carrying on a 2 year affair with a a former member and she was pregnant. I was in utter disbelief and shock. I know that we're suppose to follow God and not man but I just never expected this and it really broke my heart. After he was removed, we got a new Pastor and this man was just the total opposite. He had older children and these kids would live off the tithe and offerings, they didn't work and they were always styling new clothes. The pastor was very materialistic and would praise the members who were 'professionals' cause he knew they were the ones giving the biggest tithes. I personally experience this man not speaking to me at a church function because I had not been able to tithe after losing my job. Not only did I begin to to be shunned by him but also by other members of the church. I would go to a service and feel like an outsider. I started making my way towards the back until finally I was sitting in the last pew and I felt like I didn't belong. My mother started picking up on these things too and decided to leave the church. She seeked the Lord to guide her to a church and He did. When she left, people started gossiping and making lies about why she had left, they concucted a story about how she had a fight with the Pastor's wife and had even pushed her. No one stood up and said it wasn't true, no one questioned it or thought "hey, I know so-and-so for 20+ years and never in those years has she ever done anything of the such so that just can't be true".
I had childhood friends turn on me, they wouldnt' talk to me. I'd cry in services and ask the Lord to give me strength. On one such occasion I went to the altar during a calling and had the pastor 'minister' to me and tell me that I was in sin and needed to repent. I had never felt my spirit reject something like that night. I decided then and there that I needed to leave that church. I just wanted my husband to feel the same way. Eventually he did, after he too began to see the alienation and suffer cuz of it.
We left and though we've tried to go to other churches, we just don't know where to start. We were both in that church since we were children and it's been very hard to all of a sudden not have a 'church life' - if that's a correct term.
I'm sorry for rambling on, there is still so much for me to say but I will leave it for another occassion. Thank you for letting me vent.
I guess I started questioning things when my then-Pastor stood in front of the congregation and confessed that he'd been carrying on a 2 year affair with a a former member and she was pregnant. I was in utter disbelief and shock. I know that we're suppose to follow God and not man but I just never expected this and it really broke my heart. After he was removed, we got a new Pastor and this man was just the total opposite. He had older children and these kids would live off the tithe and offerings, they didn't work and they were always styling new clothes. The pastor was very materialistic and would praise the members who were 'professionals' cause he knew they were the ones giving the biggest tithes. I personally experience this man not speaking to me at a church function because I had not been able to tithe after losing my job. Not only did I begin to to be shunned by him but also by other members of the church. I would go to a service and feel like an outsider. I started making my way towards the back until finally I was sitting in the last pew and I felt like I didn't belong. My mother started picking up on these things too and decided to leave the church. She seeked the Lord to guide her to a church and He did. When she left, people started gossiping and making lies about why she had left, they concucted a story about how she had a fight with the Pastor's wife and had even pushed her. No one stood up and said it wasn't true, no one questioned it or thought "hey, I know so-and-so for 20+ years and never in those years has she ever done anything of the such so that just can't be true".
I had childhood friends turn on me, they wouldnt' talk to me. I'd cry in services and ask the Lord to give me strength. On one such occasion I went to the altar during a calling and had the pastor 'minister' to me and tell me that I was in sin and needed to repent. I had never felt my spirit reject something like that night. I decided then and there that I needed to leave that church. I just wanted my husband to feel the same way. Eventually he did, after he too began to see the alienation and suffer cuz of it.
We left and though we've tried to go to other churches, we just don't know where to start. We were both in that church since we were children and it's been very hard to all of a sudden not have a 'church life' - if that's a correct term.
I'm sorry for rambling on, there is still so much for me to say but I will leave it for another occassion. Thank you for letting me vent.