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Sarah
| | Posted on Sunday, October 13, 2002 - 1:26 am: | 
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Hello. From 1985--1987 and then agina in 1990, I (who suffer form chronic severe depression) met a man, a self-styled "healer" at a Rainbow Family Gathering (A very loosely organized New Age Lifestyle group). He acted very kind to me at first (I was unmedicated and suicidally depressed then) and he claimed he "loved children" (yeah, but NOT how i first thought). I had my then 9 year old somn with me. ANyeay this man, "L", used standard lvoe-bombing and other mind control methods to get me to trust him. It was not supposed to be a sexual relationship, but he manipulated me when I could not even take care of myself and he got me under his control and had me, him,. and my son HITCHIKE with him around the country, eatiing out of garbage dumpsters. If I refused to eat garbage food,he would accuse me of being "wasteful". He had me and my son do his charity scams to get gas money (he later had a ill-working old van instead of us hitch hiking). He used several New Age and EAstern philosophies, with some Scientology book methods thrown in to control me and he took all of my money. He would not take me to any established mental health practitioners (he was against psychiatry and medications for depression. HE did use "herbal remedies"). To make a long story short, he would tell me that he wished to have a "community" where he would control the finances, but where men and women would have "open relationships" (including group sex) and he wanted to get more than one woman pregnant and then he would take care of the children while the women and other men either worked at jobs, cotage industries of the "community", or collected welfare and food stamps and all resources would be held in common. He said he had a right to have sex with any woman and he wanted to impregnate more than one woman. He also told me that "incest is really natural but Western Religions banned the natural impulses of sexual relations among family members" (sic)..
He had claimed to be a "scholar of world religions" and he also read the New AGe books, like Ken Keyes' Handbook to Higher Consciousness (which he claimed worked better than mainstream psychiatry and he MADE me read it with him every day). I won't tellyou in detail how he "punished" my son for any "disobedience".
L kept on telling me how he wants to impregnate me (he did not believe in traditional marriage) and even though I was UNABLE to take care of myself or my son on my own, much less a baby, he PUSHED it on me all the time, and he told me more than once if HE could have a uterus and overies and bear children he would DO so.
No I didn't let him impregnate me.
He had no problem keeping me suuicidally depressed and preventing me form going to mainstream health care for help for my suicidaldepression and he would tell other Rainbow Family people how he "sacrifices" his own time and energy to "take care of me"--they didn't seem to care. Ironically, I found out recently that he left The Rainbow Family after some of them accused him of child molestation!
In fact, After he left me in 1990, he went to another depressed RF woman who had two girls from another RF man (who she claimed had abused her) and he had gotten her pregnant after that (his big wish) so he left me for her. They have a daughter.I think that was good now, that he LEFT me,but back then I felt so abandoned and hurt!
Anyway,after he left me, I went to the mainstream society (real) Mental Health Clinic and the psychiatrists and psychologists and psychiatric social workers tested me and diagnosed me with PTSD (I was physically abused by other men before L--in fact that is what led me to L in the first place--I wanted "alternative healing" then) and Major Depression-Recurrent (I had the depression for years undiagnosed. I did hang around the RF and other "alternative culture" people. I am OUT of the RF and that lifestyle now, who disliked Mainstream Health Care) and I was put on strong psychiatric medications for depression. Now I am NOT at all suicidal, although I have the anxiety and PTSD and I do get depressed and withdrawn from people and I avoid any groups(my trust was broken). I have read many books aobut cults since L left me, and believe me, he used classic mind control methods on me (Lifton, Singer,Lalich, Steven Hassan et. al.describe what L did to me)! In fact, L once TOLD me outright that he "studied mind control techniques". I didn't understand what he was talking about then. I doubt he ever was a Scientologist himself. I suspect he may have taken some of their courses and/or read their books (he used their terms and teachings)--that is about it, but he hated to submit to other people OVER him so he would not join a group with others controlling him--he was NOT an official Scientologist nor a member of their group. Anyone can read their books. He wanted to be in full control! He also had a fixation with MONEY--he would never just give away money to others (unless he paid for a course or a book)--he wanted to be in full control of all the money.He would hold lots of money and insist we eat out of garbage dumpsters when he COULD have fed us store bought food. He would take us to charities and claim we are out of money and if I had TOLD anywone we had any money, he would have HURT me emotionally (he didn't have to beat me--he controlled me fully mentally and emotionally).So the charities would give him--yes--HIM--money for gas for his old van, and sometimes motel rooms and food vouchers (which I prefered over the dumpster food). He would also take us to food banks and to the places that feed homeless people for free. He sometimes chose to work in migrant labor farms and even though I could NOT work due to the severe depression, he would force me to "help" him, until I was exhausted. He mostly did not want me to send my son to any school, but when we stayed in one place for any length of time, I enrolled my son in school anyway, but L would then take us away and I would have to pull my son from school. He believed in something he called "homeschooling" but now I know it was really UNSCHOOLING! He had some OLD, used textbooks and he would tell my son to "go read them on your own" without offering much "teaching" and I could not teach my son. I wanted my son in school but L had total control over me and would win out. L also took us to different Rainbow Family people's homes around the country. He would tell them he (and he volunteered me and my son without asking for our permission first) would work their land and gardens and work cleaning their homes, but in reality guess WHO had to do as much work as (I) could while he sat around and read his "spiritual" books and "meditated. Well, they would soon TIRE of him and tell us to LEAVE their land/homes. They would complain to me about L, but L would make himself SCARCE (go off into the woods or something for most of the day) unless he was at THEIR dinner table, eating THEIR food. They quickly saw that I was in no shape to work for them (but they believed in alternative healing ONLY, so they never sent me to a real Mainstream doctor or clinic for help) so they didn't have room for me and my son,either. Then L would take their yearly publication, The Rainbow Guide, which lists people who have land/homes and want "community" (lus landless people like L who also wanted "community") and he would drive us (before he got his van,he would make us all hitch hike--mostly putting ME out on the road to attract the rides) across the country (USA) in search of "Rainbow Communities" (really individual's homes, but some were made up of unrelated people living together as groups). He got a repuation among the Rainbow People as a "user", but somehow he would charm abused and vulnerable women to sleep with him at the Rainbow Gatherings. He put on his "spiritual healing" front! In private (with me and my son) he called me bad NAMES and would yell at me and he verbally dominated me).
So it was a "cult" experience for me with L, as the cult leader. Now my son is an adult. He became a Born-Again Christian (He told me his decision has a lot to do with his love of God, but also he had seen "much immorality" with L and the Rainbow Family). I respect my son's choice.We have regular contact. He goes to a mainstream Christian church (not a cult). L called my son a "monster" because my son never liked L and didn't obey L. L for example, wanted to have sex with me and would send my son (when we camped out in national forests or on the side of the road while travelling) away (with my son crying and me trying to protect my son, but I was so very depressed, I couldn't do so) from us into the woods, L told my son that "The Nature Spirits will keep you company" which FRIGHTENED my son. I tried to argue with L but as I said, he had TOTAL CONTROL over me and I was like a CHILD with him (which other RF people witnessed, but only a few woman out of thousands of people, actually spoke up then to protect me and my son).L was sexually attracted to LITTLE GIRLS (not boys) I found out later. I guess because I was like a child emotionally and so severely depressed and he kept me from seeking mainstream mental health care that i was like a "proxy little girl" for him.
He had some Scientology training because he used their terms (engrams) and beliefs along with other groups' and New Age beliefs, mixed with the hippie free sex beliefs. So anyway, YES--a "cult" can be a relationship (although L was a would-be cult leader, but he really didn't find many others to join or to accept him as their leader) He lurked at Rainbow Gatherings looking for more people--mostly WOMEN with children and single young women and he called himself a "Healer". No other men wanted to join him. A few women almost did, but they left him after they must have seen though him. He seemed to pick women who had previously been abused in some way by their previous male partners. He would "rescue" them from their outright abusive male partners who beat them (L would act all "mellow" and "spiritual" at first, but later I saw his other very cruel side). He would then "father" their children and keep the ex-partners away from the women. He is now OUT of the Rainbow Family (THEY made him leave it). He hangs around the Anti-Globalization and anti-War Movements now. I guess he still wants his "community". |
springflower
New member
Username: springflower
Post Number: 10
Registered: 12-2006
Posted From: 69.203.148.239
| | Posted on Tuesday, December 26, 2006 - 2:03 am: |
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It's LH! You see he is going around picking up women out of the Rainbow Family and other New Age groups!I also left the Rainbow Family. He may or may not have left it. I lost contact with him. He goes to antiwar protests also looking for women and children or single women. He got me and other women at different times. He threatens to SUE women who write his real name. That is why I am afraid to post his name here. He is from a wealthy family. He can sue and loves to go to court. He uses intimidation and control. At least he has not gotten several women to live with him at once like he wants to, but he HAS impregnated different women over the years: when one leaves, he finds another. It is a sad and tragic situation. |
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