| Author | Message | ||
     confuzed (confuzed) New member Username: confuzed Post Number: 2 Registered: 11-2004 Posted From: 68.221.208.74 |
Sorry Yall for the blurred message that didnt tell you much of anything. My names Jordan Rae A. I've been in a serious relationship for a year now. Lately we've hit a few bumps in the road that have always been there but we normally just drove around them but now there is no way around them. These so-called "bumps" I feel like are completely and totally my fault, but in the heat of the moment I put all the pressure on my boyfriend. The majority of the time we hit those "bumps" when I'm PMSing (sorry guys) and then its like a never endin carosal... and we have to sort through all the crap again. For instance... He's cant "hoot with the owls" like the say.. you knwo? He likes to go to bed at like 930 every night cept on the weekends..and I can stay up late and get up early. I always thought I'd be serious with a guy that couldnt stop talking to me and always wanted to see me and just well basically totally adored me, and saying that sounds so harsh, but I think alot of girls feel that way, and that sounds so selfish for me to say and I never really thought thats how I was cause all I do is give to other people and do little thoughtful things all the time. He loves to hunt and when hunting season comes around, its all about hunting and he only wants to see me when its convenient for him. He doesnt like me to go with him alot either cause he says its his time to himself. I understand but yet it still kinda upsets me and I also have this really bad habit of asking really stupid "what if" questions that would never happen. For instance, He likes Sara Evans (the country singer) he likes the way she sings and thinks she's really pretty... thats fine, I know most likely they will never meet, but sometimes I ask (like an idiot) something like if sara evans asked you out on a date while we were together would you go? and he'll say yes.. and its like I know he's gonna say that but I hate to hear it.. and somewhere I'm hoping he would say what I want to hear. All of this makes me sound so selfish and unkind. That's really not my nature. I make him cookies, fudge, pies, give him little gifts for no reason, i put banners on my door sometimes when i know he's coming over, for valentines day i took him to his favorite country singers museum and cooked him a romantic dinner and rented his favorite movie, for his birthday i made him a home made cake, sewed him a camoflauge comforter for his bed and pillows for graduation i bought nascar tickets and one time i picked a day and made it "Griffin's Day" and I took HIM to lunch and PAID, I bought hima shirt, took him to the movies, made him cookies. I do little nic naks all the time, but I just have a few short comings. I need help. I know alot of it is insecurties. I wouldnt ask all those stupid questions if I felt beautiful enough or wanted enough by him. I know he loves me in the bottom of my heart but I'm the first girlfriend he's ever had. he doesnt know all the right things to do and I'm learning too. He doesnt show alot of affection around his friends, he doesnt say all the right things to tell me how he feels. Someone please help me out. Email me: JoRae86@bellsouth.net I have pictures. | ||
| webbieswork (webbieswork) New member Username: webbieswork Post Number: 13 Registered: 11-2004 Posted From: 68.220.177.145 |
Hi Sweetie. I think the reason you're not getting a lot of responses is because this board is mostly about control relationships. And that is simply not your problem. And, also you answered most of it yourself when you said you are feeling insecure. (Especially about THAT time!) I'm not sure how to help feeling insecure, other than to learn to value yourself. Stand in front of your mirror each day and pick out something good about yourself to concentrate on that day. You already started a pretty good list. You're obviously very giving and very thoughtful...what a great person you are! As for your boyfriend, especially since you are both obvously pretty young and this being his first real relationship, it's going to be a little harder. Men, in my experience, tho it applies to some more than others, just don't NEED the same kinds of contact that women do. Never have, never will. You can't change him. You can only change you. If he's Mr. Right, time will tell. If he's Mr. Wrong, even tho it hurts beyond belief, then you will eventually realize it and move on. In the meantime, figure out what you're good at. Find a hobby. Are you into sports? Join a gym, or a team! Are you creative? How about scrapbooking or crafting or painting or pottery? Are you dramatic? Is there playhouse in your area? Do you feel a ton of sympathy for someone less fortunate than you? Volunteer at a shelter, a hospital or a school. Spend time with your family and friends, reading books or just window shopping at the mall... The best advice I have for you is to GET INVOLVED with your life. You will find you have much less time to worry about your relationship. You'll feel better about yourself, so you won't depend on his opinion so much. And, he'll stop taking you for granted if you aren't always chasing him down. He too will realize what a power house Lady he has snagged...and might just try a little harder to hang on! In any event, the whole thing will be smoother for you. And whatever you do, don't lose heart. I didn't marry until I was in my mid-30's for just that reason! It's HARD to find someone just right for you and I wasn't going to settle for less ever again. So, I worked hard, built a beautiful home, made wonderful friends (both male and female) spent lots of time with my family (especially my nephew) and just decided I'd be perfectly happy alone if Mr. Right never came along. Of course, about the time I settled into that, he showed up! LOL! Best wishes to you Sweetie. It sounds as tho you have a lot of love to give, so start by giving it to yourself. | ||
| path_walker (path_walker) New member Username: path_walker Post Number: 23 Registered: 1-2005 Posted From: 64.228.46.51 |
We men need time to ourselves. If you start interfering with his time with the guys, he'll feel trapped in the relationship and want to make an exit. Even married men go hunting, golfing and attend conventions. I also think you dote upon him too much. If you let him think that he's the only facet of your life, he'll be very tempted to take advantage of you. My advice is to loosen up and give him some space. And if things don't work out, remember that there's millions of guys out there that are just praying that they'll meet a young lady who would bake and sew for them, buy them gifts and make them an intricate part of your life. And don't ask stupid hypothetical questions about things that will never happen. All this does is irritate the relationship. Good luck and keep an open mind! | ||
| chephzibah (chephzibah) New member Username: chephzibah Post Number: 13 Registered: 2-2005 Posted From: 68.223.109.114 |
go to www.houseofyisrael.org | ||
| gglow999 Junior Member Username: gglow999 Post Number: 26 Registered: 5-2006 Posted From: 67.167.252.251 |
Men & women show emotions completely differently, we tend to give to other the things we would like in return as vice/versa, try & pick up on that. You will drive yourself nuts & never be happy if your looking for someone to fufill all the things you would like to have done/said, etc... Does not mean that he does not totally love you, just pick up on the special things that he does do for you & realize that is the way he shows love. If you spend your life waiting for someone else to make you happy, you'll spend an awful lonely life. Also, don't think what if's, life is far too short & you will drive a person away if too overbearing. Many people are loners, many have to have private tiem, etc... Love yourself first & give all you want, if it makes YOU feel good, but you just can't expect exact same in return, life just doesn't work that way. Count the good against the bad & if good outweighs the bad, you will learn & grow to be happy & always keep communication lines open, but open, not opinionated. Old saying, set a bird free, it will come back to you if there is love there, if not, not worth you time (not how saying goes, but that's the jist of it.) Also, as kind of stated before, never look for a man or anyone to fufill your life, you have to do that yourself & then anyone else who comes along should be a positive addition to your life, not a necessaty. Hope this helps? I used to be same way & learned to love self, fufill my own life & destiny & make the Lord the center of my life & then found a man who was a positive addition to my life & ended up/still am very happy. God Bless. | ||
| 2c2bmore Member Username: 2c2bmore Post Number: 58 Registered: 5-2006 Posted From: 66.170.157.240 |
The old question ... Can we ever really understand the differance between men and women? I would have liked to been able to find some old seminar notes which dealt with the break down of the (appearantly), five basic personality types in this world. (A bit oversimplified perhaps but) The basic outline suggests to suspend framework understanding of what sort of behavior(for us )constitutes a point of validation for the worth a relationship. We see it allthrough our eyes. It's in that "Prove that you love me!" mindset. An example of a misalignment is when the woman finds herself at peace with the relationship during those times when the man takes the time to remember details; things she's said that matter to her. He on the other hand might feel that the detail aspect of getting along in their journey of life is a small matter compared to the fact that he's proud of her and to see that they can overcome..."we're in this together", and "I'll protect you like my own self". [Old school chovanizm]He needs in this case to know what makes for a peace and get rid of the prejudise that prompts him to say... "We have this or that and we're doin ok! "What's the big deal?" That is not what IS important.What is important is that we respect the others view of perceived importance. There will always be variances. Both parties naturally need to be working with the program. It's finding out what aspect in the interaction fulfills the other ones emotional needs and faithfully maintaining positive responses. The bezier curve has men experiencing a greater reluctance to release his point of view than she. But we're all a work in progress and the amount of "baggage" we bring into a relationship is what we need to weigh and get before God that once in the open He can reshape and mould for the better. Youth has it's decided disadvantages but acruing experience is its greatest value. | ||
| 2c2bmore Member Username: 2c2bmore Post Number: 59 Registered: 5-2006 Posted From: 66.170.157.240 |
By the way JoRae that's a sweet personal profile you've painted. ('Love to be dotted over like your man is!) |
