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sooconfused
New member
Username: sooconfused
Post Number: 1
Registered: 6-2006
Posted From: 62.255.32.17
| | Posted on Thursday, June 08, 2006 - 3:55 am: | 
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Can anyone give me advice?
I have been with my fiance for 3 and a half years and we have 2 kids,I have recently found out there is a possibility that my fiance has cheated on me.
I can't talk to my family or friends coz they gossip, so I didn't know what to do, Last weekend I found a strange txt message on his mobile and a few phone calls back and forth, I didn't recognise the number so I rang it and it was a woman! She told me that my fiance was stalking her,he kept sitting outside her house,ringing her, and driving passed to see if she was in! Then she admitted having sex with him a few weeks back,she met him in town,he went back to her house with a few of her friends,she had sex with him then he left in the morning, some of this doesn't make sense,like sitting outside her house and driving passed to see if she was in,he
works 5-6 days a week from 7am to 4pm and he is never any later than 4:15pm so if he was to drive passed her house or even sit outside he would be really late coz she lives on the other side of the city! But the fact that she met him a few weeks back in town went back to her house and stayed the night makes sense coz he went out to town a few weeks back and never returned home until 8:30am the next morning but he said he stayed at a mates house! He has finally admitted he never stayed at a mates house,he did meet her in town and went back to her house but he fell asleep and never did anything!! which sounds like him but everytime I want to talk to him about it to get some answers he says
"I dont wanna talk about it"
So I txt this girl to see if I could get some answers from her and she just said it was a one night stand and to get over it, but I can't coz I dunno whether it happened or not....Is she just annoyed that he didn't sleep with her and
getting her own back or did he sleep with her and he's denying it coz he don't want to lose me
and the kids?
If it did happen what do I do? I have given him the benefit of the doubt because we have soo much history and I really Love him and for the kids!! But am I ever gona find out?? Will I be able to handle the thoughts running through my head?? Are we gonna be able to pull through this?? Will I ever trust him again??!! I still have soo many questions....I'M SOOO CONFUSED HELP! |
sooconfused
New member
Username: sooconfused
Post Number: 3
Registered: 6-2006
Posted From: 62.255.32.17
| | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 4:18 am: |
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Is it my fault,I still don't understand if he has done this to me WHY? I have been faithful to him all this time and yet I get this in return, am I not giving him what he needs? I have ran around for him like a blue arsed fly doing everything for him maybe I am a mother figure to him and he wants fun so he goes out looking for it?! Is it because I have put on weight after having our children and I don't look like the same person he "PULLED" as he would say? All these thoughts keep running around in my head am I ever gona know the truth....Is it something I did? What do I do to change things? |
kuukimina
New member
Username: kuukimina
Post Number: 1
Registered: 4-2006
Posted From: 218.88.35.18
| | Posted on Friday, June 09, 2006 - 11:32 am: |
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I think u should have confidence with ur relationship! first, everyone may feel boring when they stay with their spouse long time.if someone have one night stand with other person it did't mean he/she didn't love their spouse anymore, they just wanna have fun and have something new happen to them! it doesn't matter when this happen, u just need keep ur confidence and give ur spouse some new look. make he feel u r amazing still! and he will come back to u! secondly I think ur children maybe took up ur time with ur spouse, if u have more time with ur partner and let he know that u r so care about him and ur relationship, that maybe better for u! And I think u have no need to know the truth about his one night stand, cuz that's only a little case between ur relationship,and that had already happend, even though u can know that clearly,that no help for u to make ur relationship better, so just try ur best to make ur lover love u again,more love ,less complain! |
sooconfused
New member
Username: sooconfused
Post Number: 4
Registered: 6-2006
Posted From: 62.255.32.17
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - 3:14 am: |
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Thank-you for your opinion KUUKIMINA!
I have never had any confidence within my self, I have a very low self-esteem! I try to make an effort with the way I look, but he never notices,even when I have my hair done, he seems to look straight through me! I'm not saying he don't love or care for me anymore,he does...I know he does! It's just is he still IN LOVE?? He has a great social life he always goes out with his mates and has fun,but in all the years that we have been together, I have never once gone out on my own...with the girls,so although I would never stoop that low, it would make more sense if it was me who wanted to have a one night stand for fun and something different!!
The children have never come inbetween our relationship, I have always given him attention...but is it enough?? I have always done everthing for him and still do! Before I found out, our sex like was brilliant, now when we have sex (Very rarely) I wonder whether it is her he is picturing, or am I just being stupid?? I am sorry my head is so f***ed up at the minute, I don't know whether I am coming or going! I have always given him everything he wanted, but has never wanted to satisfy my needs!
I feel I need to know the truth, I need to know what really happened,coz if he didn't do it, I am going to lose him, I am being soo cold and emotionless,I feel him slipping further and further away from me! Don't get me wrong we still have love, hugs and kisses,but is it all an act, just to make ourselves feel a bit better?
Do I trust the man I am suposed to be marrying or a woman who may possibly be lying, but making so much sense? I keep asking myself is this going to work....well,is it? If we are both putting on a brave face, but really there are loads of things running round in our heads, is it going to work, can we put this in the past, go back to normal and get on with our lives or do I have to throw the best thing that has ever happened to me away coz of a stupid mistake I don't even know really happened? |
keenapperception
New member
Username: keenapperception
Post Number: 1
Registered: 6-2006
Posted From: 68.94.147.66
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 14, 2006 - 9:48 am: |
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I personally would want to know if my spouse cheated on me. But to me, it would not make a difference. If you love this man then you have to make the decision to forgive him or not.
To give you the answer "I don't want to talk about it" is not acceptable. You need to tell him that the relationship is suffering, you're suffering, and most importantly with all this going around: the children are suffering. Children are accutely aware of emotions in ways adults will never understand. So if you need to get a baby sitter and drag the man to a park where you two can talk(and shout if need be) then do so... for the sake of happiness, don't have the discussion in the house.
But honestly, you will not be able to feel closure on this until you have an answer one way or the other... I completly understand. To love is to trust, both in yourself and in your mate 100%. If trust is broken, you cannot fully love until it's repaired. Right now you're experiencing both. If you don't talk to him and continue to isolate yourself he will cheat again- and he may regardless- but you need to find out if he cheated, why he cheated(was it weakness or is he no longer in love), and if he can commit to the relationship and family the way he was before... it's a lot to take in, I know. I wish you the best of luck and the utmost strength. |
sooconfused
New member
Username: sooconfused
Post Number: 6
Registered: 6-2006
Posted From: 62.255.32.17
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 5:59 am: |
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Thank-you for your honesty Keenapperception!
I do love my man, I would find it hard not to love him we have been through so much together through out our relationship,it would be very difficult to give him up and it would break the kids hearts! I want to forgive him, but I don't know if I need to forgive him if you get my drift,not knowing whether he betrayed me has left me lost, I have no idea what to do about the whole situation!
I am getting little bits of the puzzle day by day, but I am still totally confused,coz it still doesn't make sense why this woman would want to break up a happy family,don't worry the children are not around when we have these discussions and they don't get heateed anyway as I said before I have gone cold, I really want to go back to normal I want this to all dissapear!!
When I am not thinking about it or the subject doesn't accidently pop up we get on great and have loadsa fun, just like old times! I read someone elses message on the same subject her man had messing her around and someone gave her some great advice she said something along the lines of "If your man is so great and you had a brilliant relationship before this, why give him up so someone else can have what you had!"
He will always be my man,I will never give him up, but how long are these thoughts going to be in the back of my mind?
I need to get this out of my mind coz we are to be wed in a few months and if this is still in my mind the day of the wedding I am not sure if it will happen!
He has told me he did kiss this woman,but regretted it soon after and also said he's not going to say the thought of having sex with her didn't enter his mind coz it probably did but when he got back to her house he fell asleep!He was very very drunk and he's soo soo sorry and wants to forget about it and get back to normal!
Why would he be so honest with me if he didn't love me? If he did do it,it was purely out of drunkeness although this is not good enough, I know it wouldn't have meant anything!!
I am going to be strong and get this out of my mind, forgive my man for what ever he did or didn't do and get on with our lives! So to do this I am going to have to say goodbye and thank-you to those of you who have given me advice! |
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