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zudnic (zudnic)
New member
Username: zudnic
Post Number: 4
Registered: 11-2005
Posted From: 71.115.234.72
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 15, 2005 - 4:53 am: | 
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solopilot said:"As far as the "recruiting" issue, why would anyone NOT want to share their religion with their neighbors? If you have something good, and they are really your friends, you want them to have the good things too, right?"
I'm having a problem with some friends and religion is at the root of it. Not only have they decided to share their religion, but, they think we as their friends need it in their lifes and we the friends are not good people until we do! We have had a blow-up over this, one, my friends attitude ticked me off.
I was fixed-up with one of my friends wifes friends. We kind of hit it off, I really like this girl. I went out for lunch with the couple and we were joined by two of her friends. I had some things in common with one of those friends, but she is not my type, nothing romantic. After lunch and when this person was no longer around, I made the comment that she seems nice, my friend said: "you have to be real good to be with her" I was slightly offended, what I'm not good enough? His reply: "you have to be in full spirit with our Church for her" I let that slide, did not want to start anything, despite being a little offended, besides I like the friend that I've dated and have a "romantic" connection with. So I did'nt want wife thinking I'm a "bad" guy!
Long story short: They invited me to their Church and it's one of those stand-up and show how much spirit you have type of places, plus his wife is Mexican, so we attended Spanish services. I'm pretty conservative in most everything and a little private as a person. I don't dance or sing because I just don't feel comfortable doing that in public. Four hours of this in Spanish when you don't speak the language is a little boring! Despite respectfull hints, that this is not Church to me, just don't feel it. They continued almost every weekend to get me to go after that. One of the things that has made me pretty upset; the wife uses her friend that I like as bait for me to go! She's going to be there, so its worth it.
I had dinner alone with the friend and told her that I'm not against Church, but, I'm Catholic and that feels right for me, their Church just does not do it for me. She told me she likes what the Pastor say's, she speaks Spanish (Mexican), but its not Church for her either. She's also Catholic, and, does attend Mass. So I said, you know you can agree with who ever you like thats your choice. Her friend has been pushing her to go to this Church as well and they had a little spat about it. Her friend was thinking of giving up religion all together over it. I told her we can not discuss this, my advice as your friend, talk with another close friend who is not invovled with their Church, maybe even someone not invovled with religion.
A few days prior not wanting to directly blow up at my friend and his wife over their religion and pushing us non-believer friends into their Church. I phoned them and basicaly said I think it best if we are no longer remain friends. I explained a little of how I felt our friendship was going to the girl I like. Hoping that we can still be friends. She patched it up with the wife, but, we are still speaking, after I explained in a letter why I'm not friends with them anymore. I did'nt bash them as people, just, my views and theirs collided.
One of the things that really started to annoy me is my friends judgement of me. Just because I don't go to their church does not mean I can't be trusted as a "good" person. The other I'd tell him something about my "background" and suddenly he would have something simular in his. Or if I stated an opinion, he, would twist it to fit their Church and in turn kinda make it seem as if the Catholic Church would not accept that point. One of the things used was info on an associate gained from medical information from his wifes employer. This was almost daily he would bring religion into our talks in some form or another. Both the religion and his almost trying to be like me in personality, kinda not only got on my nerves, it was darn spooky. Plus I caught him in a couple of white lies and half truths about his background. I simply cant trust him as a friend.
The wife I was kinda feeling was interfering with my developing relationship with her friend, her opinion of my person became kind of low. This had alot to do with my not accepting their Church as right for me. Plus I did'nt like the fact she did not respect my person or her friends using her as a carrot for me to go to Church. My friend twisted it seems to imply that his wife was meddling against me. Via talking with the friend, she claims the wife wants to re-start our friendship, and, I believe her intentions were not meddling to wreck things, but, she was trying to help me in furthering the relationship between me and her friend. I'm sorta under the impression that my friend gave each of us bad impressions of one another. On the attempts of converting, he claims his wife had bad teachings because she was once a Mormon. I've discovered that yes she was a Mormon, but, her family stopped practicing when she was very young, like six or seven years old. So how much bad teaching could she have?
The other personality that bugs me about my friend. He thinks he must show his worth to you before you will like him; in a weird way thats how he views his religion. He try's hard to please you, by being what he thinks you want in him. He's very much a Chameleon but it annoy's the heck out of me, along with being a tad bit judgemental of others and their spirit in Christ.
So how do I explain this to the girl I like without sounding like I'm bashing her "friends". |
munchkin (munchkin)
Intermediate Member
Username: munchkin
Post Number: 169
Registered: 11-2005
Posted From: 62.255.32.17
| | Posted on Tuesday, November 15, 2005 - 6:38 am: |
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oh dear.
This is a messy situation.
i don't know what the best advise is. Maybe talk face to face (if you can) and explain that while you like you freind, you find it really hard to handle that they push their church so much, and although they shoudl know that you aren't a bad person, you do after all live well and have faith, as you don't go to their church they judge you as being less trustworthy than before. Explain how this hurts you, as to you friends are there for each other no matter what. That it is because of this, feeling that you wish to havea nreak from them for a while so that all parties can look separatly into their priorities.
thats the best i can do. i hope you find a way to find a peacefull and as happy a solution as possible
love becca  |
zudnic (zudnic)
New member
Username: zudnic
Post Number: 5
Registered: 11-2005
Posted From: 71.115.234.72
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 16, 2005 - 7:48 pm: |
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Munchkin said: "thats the best i can do. i hope you find a way to find a peacefull and as happy a solution as possible"
Think part of the problem is my friend has beliefs that are borderline nuts. He's very judgemental and sort of decides if people are good enough for each other. I think I maybe the victim of his self-rightous judgemental character assessment.
This is a guy who will not go into local bars because he's afraid that his brother-in laws might see him. If they do he believes that will lesson his image of being better than them! I'm not sure how nuts or healthy this type of self righteous behaviour is.
The Brother-in laws are not really good people, they did trick their Mom into leasing a vehicle for them. Go to that extreme is over the top, I think. Little background; the husband and wife met on the net, emailed back and fourth for a couple of months, he came to meet in person and they married two weeks latter. Just because they show some low character, does not mean they can't show concern for their sister, under those circumstances I would be a little nervous of the guy and his intentions as well. But for someone to go sacrafice fun for this type of one upmanship is a big red flag over the guy. The other I've got him in a few semi-lies on his background. He told me his parents live on a ranch. We had business near his parents and the trip turned into an over-night stay. He first called some friends of his, they had been busy and could not do it on short notice. Near his parents house he says, oh I forgot to mention, Dad leased out the ranch, so they have moved into a small house. I've caught him with simular indiscretions, when added up turn into big red flags on him.
I think the situation is more messy than even I first realized. |
munchkin (munchkin)
Intermediate Member
Username: munchkin
Post Number: 201
Registered: 11-2005
Posted From: 62.255.32.17
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 16, 2005 - 8:11 pm: |
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all i can say is good luck you'll need it
love beccaxx |
daryl_payton_jr
Junior Member
Username: daryl_payton_jr
Post Number: 30
Registered: 8-2005
Posted From: 75.26.20.109
| | Posted on Saturday, January 20, 2007 - 9:06 pm: |
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I'm not sure what the deal is with the new boyfriend, however, if he considers himself a religious person or a Christian, he may be trying not to spoil his witness. I'm not exactly sure as I don't know, his personal characteristics. It would be a red flag with the lies, though, however, I wouldn't get out the hangman's noose until you knew for sure. In regard to whether or not, his parents home a ranch could be an indication that he is embarrassed about his parents, economic status. Right, wrong or indifferent, this is pretty common. I'm not saying it's the right thing to do and white lies usually lead up to be realize. However, I'm not sure if there's anyone in this forum that's never lied before. I would just be prayerful about it and see what happens.
DP |
fullofquestions
Intermediate Member
Username: fullofquestions
Post Number: 186
Registered: 1-2007
Posted From: 70.57.32.25
| | Posted on Saturday, January 27, 2007 - 1:04 am: |
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Ya go with Jesus. |
artwise_one
Advanced Member
Username: artwise_one
Post Number: 593
Registered: 7-2005
Posted From: 70.143.101.226
| | Posted on Wednesday, February 07, 2007 - 9:43 pm: |
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There is no such thing as Jesus. |
trashcanman
New member
Username: trashcanman
Post Number: 15
Registered: 12-2006
Posted From: 69.232.44.112
| | Posted on Thursday, February 08, 2007 - 8:06 pm: |
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What are you doing here? What do you know about relationships, religion, or families, sh*t-for-brains? Get a life!
The person asks for advice, and they get sh*t-for-brains answers.
Go figure. Only here, in the trashy world of factnet, I guess. |
trashcanman
New member
Username: trashcanman
Post Number: 16
Registered: 12-2006
Posted From: 69.232.44.112
| | Posted on Thursday, February 08, 2007 - 8:32 pm: |
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Hey, s-f-b=====
Maybe 'Jesus' is mowing your yard, or manning the window at Burger King========
Get the message?
Now get a life! |
artwise_one
Advanced Member
Username: artwise_one
Post Number: 598
Registered: 7-2005
Posted From: 70.143.68.222
| | Posted on Monday, February 19, 2007 - 6:39 am: |
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Jesus is an hallucination.
A1 |
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