| Author | Message | ||
     gato (gato) New member Username: gato Post Number: 1 Registered: 7-2005 Posted From: 199.174.218.29 |
I was in a relationship(not romantic) that looking back is best described as cult-like. I feel like I was completely brainwashed and I can't get over how on earth I allowed that to happen, how I didn't see what was happening. I wasted 9 or 10 years of my life, captive to somebody's psychotic reality. Part of what hurts me and makes me feel like I was so screwed is that I realize that this person is incapable of seeing what he did. All those times I tried to argue with him to make him see how his reasoning was wrong, and I thought sometimes, maybe I just am not smart enough to explain. He simply changed his reasoning, his arguments to fit whatever he was trying to say. Or he would twist words around and insist they made sense. It's so pathetic, because it wasn't even a romantic relationship. I have never had any boyfriend, I am a 29 year old virgin. I don't understnad why this happened to me. It's been almost a year since I got out and I still feel like this. I'm a college dropout and unemployed. My life is in the most shocking mess. I literally feel as if somebody picked me up from the time that it started 10 years ago and dropped me here in 2005, I am in SHOCK. How could this have happened, how could God let this happen to me and how could I have betrayed myself this way. I feel such grief that 10 years of my life is gone, it's horrible. He used me so badly and he's so screwed up he'll never know, and I can't do anything to revenge myself. And even now, I continue to be abused, by people who've judged me to be worthless because of how I've spent my life so far and because of my affiliation with this thing. I don't understand what is the point even of going on. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to hurt myself basically because I would hurt my family but if there was an easy way out without hurting anyone else, I'd probably take it. And I'm sure this sounds whiny, but I feel violated. And this person is occasionally emailing me little things, because in his head, "you'll always be the best friend I ever had." In his delusional drama, I am now on this pedestal as this great friend who he can't come in contact with me anymore for my own good. I don't know if I should email him back, and tell him? It would be useless, he would interpret it anyway he needed to so why bother. I just can't seem to get over the fact that this actually happened, that here I am, 10 years older, unemployed, dropout,virgin, suffering from depression and social phobia. This is a sick joke. | ||
| nikita (nikita) Intermediate Member Username: nikita Post Number: 238 Registered: 11-2004 Posted From: 67.173.120.177 |
gato, you dont say what kind of relationship it was. You just say what it was not. How did he use you? In what way? It does not sound like you should be hurt. Sounds like you should thank God that you are out of whatever this was! I understand that 10 years is a long time, but you are still young. Can you explain how it is this person used you?? What do you mean you got out? Were you employed by this person? Explain, maybe someone can help. | ||
| nikita (nikita) Intermediate Member Username: nikita Post Number: 241 Registered: 11-2004 Posted From: 67.173.120.177 |
Ya know, you sound very much like someone that I know. Someone that I used to work with. So, if you are not that person,(the age is different) at least you know that there was another person going through something very simalar. As far as I know, this person is still there. At least you got away from the mess you were in. I think she is still there. I pray for her. I know it seems bad, but from what you say, you are so much better off. I hope you respond, maybe I, or someone else can help God Bless | ||
| godslight (godslight) New member Username: godslight Post Number: 1 Registered: 8-2005 Posted From: 152.163.101.12 |
i understand your want for revenge and your felling of being violated but instead of focusing on the past focus on the fuututre think of all you have come thorugh for everyseason theoper is a pourpose i know yuo can make it through this just pray and seek God and forgive him and let go i know its not easy ive been through rough times myself but i know no matter what that god loves me and the reason thier is pain in this world is because god gave us free choice and some people decide to do evil things and people get hurt for all the pain god will give you twuce as much love just forgive hate the sin not the man God loves you and God blesss movinig ons not easy when i was 7 i was raped by my stepbrother and i never told my mom til last year and im still in the process of over coming but im not giving up cuz i dont want the devil to win in god we concoure all and by his strips we are healed declare that you arew free and you will be for we are made in the image of God there for we also have power to what we say im maY BE ONLY 14 BUT GOD HAS BLESSED ME WITH KNOLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING WE ALL HAVE A POURPOSE ON EARTH I SUGGEST THAT YOU GO TO A CHRISTIAN COUNCLER OR TALK TO A PASTOR THAT YOU KNOW WILL LISTEN if you have any questions plz email me at Godslight2world@aol,.com or we can aim my aim is Godslight2world may God bless u abundantly i am praying for you | ||
| henriettab (henriettab) New member Username: henriettab Post Number: 2 Registered: 8-2005 Posted From: 81.152.199.26 |
Dear Gato I was very sad to read your message. You sound as though you have been through a terrible 10 years. This is obviously something that lives with you every day and is very painful for you. The good news for you is that you recognise the relationship as being a negative one, and you want to release yourself from a: the guilt that you feel for having allowed yourself to go through that, and b: the anger that you now feel for the person who abused you in this manner. You recognise that your life cannot move on until you have dealt with these issues, and you are right. I am a life coach and, if I may, I would like to help you. There would no point in me creating an email for you if you are no longer reading this entry or if you think that life coaching is not for you. Please respond to this, and when you do, I will explain ways in which you can liberate yourself from the shackles this person has imposed upon you. Thinking of you Hetty | ||
| mrsright New member Username: mrsright Post Number: 1 Registered: 6-2006 Posted From: 216.110.110.129 |
Wow this is so strange, on that day in 2005 i was going through the same thing and praise be to God im out i only got out in February 2006 and i can identify with most of the stuff that Gato said like the manipulation and the feeling of inferiority and the dependency on that person because i thought i couldnt stand by myself..but my bible says that God make everything beautiful in His time and He is..God great and there is not situation to big for him.... | ||
| christian_peper New member Username: christian_peper Post Number: 4 Registered: 6-2006 Posted From: 4.244.0.187 |
If you want you can email me at cbp429@hotmail.com i may be able to help | ||
| wayfaring_stranger Advanced Member Username: wayfaring_stranger Post Number: 617 Registered: 9-2005 Posted From: 172.144.63.176 |
Sometimes all a person really wants is to hear that someone is sorry. An apology. Because we are the only one's that can get our life back on track but an apology is priceless even if something is just a misunderstanding. Elton John: It's sad, so sad It's a sad, sad situation And it's getting more and more absurd It's sad, so sad Why can't we talk it over Oh it seems to me That sorry seems to be the hardest word | ||
| nina_s Intermediate Member Username: nina_s Post Number: 130 Registered: 4-2005 Posted From: 209.216.182.45 |
Dear Gato, There are givers and takers in the world, and I also allowed myself to give, give, give. PTL that you are now away from this friend---he may never see that he is a taker and manipulator---just as my friend doesn't see it. You are precious in God's sight! Get a decent Christian counselor (preferably a woman), and get the help to move on with your life. Pray for your friend, but move on! Unfortunately, he will find another giver to exploit. God bless! Nina | ||
| nolurkingonme New member Username: nolurkingonme Post Number: 12 Registered: 7-2006 Posted From: 69.85.147.110 |
THANK YOUR VERY LORD THAT YOU ARE STILL A VIRGIN, and BLOCK HIS E-MAIL ADDRESS. don't let that insidious apcray make a fool out of your for another 10 years. think of how bad that would make it??? do what the other posters tell you to do, and look up at the stars tonite, and thank the Lord on high that you had the common sense to not go to bed with this social freak. Also, there is a BBC program where a virgin waits for an idiot in fact they call him "Idiot Banes" to marry her. If you have nothing else try to treat it with self humor. The "Idiot Banes" black mailed into marrying her, but I wouldn't wait for that to happen. I'd just dump him quicker than I could step on a cats tail! | ||
| greekgaia15 Member Username: greekgaia15 Post Number: 63 Registered: 4-2006 Posted From: 70.123.169.178 |
Everyone has been used, it sucks, but it happened. Its not easy to get over but you have to try. You can't just lay down and die...pick your butt up and keep moving! The world doesn't stop because someone was hurt, people get hurt everyday. Maybe you should try to find a way to invest your time in some type of organazation that helps other people who have been hurt, such as a womens shelter.Trust me, I understand. For the past 14 years of my life I was abused and manipulated. I could never use logic because it would be turned on me. Just don't let the world get you down. | ||
| tony_australia New member Username: tony_australia Post Number: 1 Registered: 11-2006 Posted From: 203.59.172.191 |
Your predicament is so similar to mine, and I fully understand the absolute feelings of sadness. With me-add marriage separated by her, 3 children under 11 stolen by her, family and friends poisoned by her and it gets a lot worse, House gone, job gone...only wish I earned the abandonment I have as reality.landmark education has a lot to answer for, reforming my wife's thoughts and beliefs until she exists as her"self" - A totally unconscious machine who has 'Arrived' and righteously so! I am relying on time healing me, it's been 6 months now and not improving yet, faith in giving it less attention, and finding new people who are not users and abusers. We are generous giving flexible loving types and unfortunately prayed upon by the types we suffer from (zealots). Don't forget who you are, don't let them change you, don't let them win. They are evil and you are decent. They are the ones who will have to return from heaven to work out where they went wrong. You will have the choice in your destiny - they are left with cognitive confusion and lack of awareness. Good luck and get to acceptance soon. God knows I'm trying. | ||
| springflower New member Username: springflower Post Number: 24 Registered: 12-2006 Posted From: 69.203.148.239 |
Read my LH post. That man took a LOT from me. I relate. He was into mind control and some Scientolgy stuff, but I was NOT into Scientology so I cannot call myself an ex-Scientologist. I support you. |
