| Author | Message | ||
     seven_years New member Username: seven_years Post Number: 1 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 74.104.81.138 |
I was there from 1981 to 1988, from 6th grade through to graduation. The recent publicity has been a bit overwhelming for me, because unlike many, I *did* speak up back in the day, but unfortunately, nobody listens to a kid. There was good in Grenville too, no question, but there were definitely some things that were over the top, things that have taken some effort to move past, and some that I'm still working to get past. I've made a good life for myself, with a few hiccups I won't get into since they're not that different from what others have been saying. My parents, on the other hand, are absolutely wrecked by the appearance of news articles confirming things they had brushed off as childish exaggeration, and they're not really young or healthy enough for that kind of shock. I'm worried about them. I don't want to say too much more about myself, I've been avoiding the limelight for a reason, but I would like to say hi to some of the many familiar names here. Even hidden under aliases, your stories gave you away, I know most of you and wish you well. Wagener84... you were several years ahead of me, and to my knowledge we never interacted even for a single conversation. However, I had to let you know that you played the best pirate king in the history of the universe, and when I saw it as a kid I wanted to grow up to be as bold, confident, and fearless as I perceived you to be. kathleen_millar... I felt so badly for the tour de canada folks when they were put through hell in front of the entire student body. It seemed like they were punishing you for being a success, and the rest of us were helpless to stop it because standing up would just put US in the hotseat instead. I'm glad you found the strength to get out, and that your family was there for you when you the time came. You always were an incredibly smart woman, and a survivor. I admired you greatly back in the day, I think I admire you even more now, seeing what you've come through to land on your feet. Survivor_1101... we were friends, of a sort, in the early years. That was before I was told you were a bad influence on me, and got informed point-blank who my new friends should be instead, and what the consequences would be if I didn't comply. I didn't do everything they asked, but you and I ended up fighting nonetheless, and I'm sorry for that. I'm glad to see you are doing well, and it seems you have a beautiful daughter now too? Congratulations. Staff_kid_survivor, I know you well, and am glad to see that you have gone on to create such a good life for yourself. I always admired you, and often worried for you, ever since that day in grade 6 when I saw the discipline you and the other staff girls were subjected to and convinced my parents to let you come over for the weekend. I was sickened when you were sent away in grade 11, and worried to death for you. You have always been a strong-willed, compassionate and intelligent woman, and it has done me a world of good to know you're doing well. I hope your dad is doing well too, he was one of the good ones, and inspired a love of music in me that persists to this day. Phlebas... I didn't know you all that well, but if you're who I think you are, then I spent several years in the student lounge playing chess with your younger brothers. Good times. "...and the GEEK shall inherit the earth!". | ||
| seven_years New member Username: seven_years Post Number: 2 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 74.104.81.138 |
breaker_19_girl... you were a few years ahead of me, but I remember your face, and wanted to let you know that you weren't the only one put on D for refusing the questionable honour of a pin. I spent my 17th birthday scrubbing pots in silence, the only reprieve being when my mom called to wish me happy birthday, and even then they informed me I was not to tell her I was being disciplined, and stood by me through the call to make sure I complied. ShielaC... you were a year or two ahead of me, strikingly beautiful, and I can only imagine the hard time they gave you about your looks, given that I was merely average and got hassled endlessly about mine. Forget telling me how to dress, smile, or do my hair, that's a given. When I asked to join the chess club they accused me of only wanting to join to pick up guys for "unnatural relations" (I was a virgin, and had a great time trying to imagine what they meant by that heh). They eventually relented, but still monitored most of my games since it was such an "unseemly" passtime for a lady. I also remember the lengthy 1 on 1s with FF about being careful "not to tempt boys who can't help themselves". One of which occurred after I had naively and fearfully confessed to a staff member that I had been overpowered, cornered, and groped in the dark by a group of boys who didn't think I'd recognize them. I'm lucky nothing worse happened, though I'm not sure how being asked to spell out every detail in a private taped confession fraught with unwanted hugs "freed my soul". Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you weren't alone in your experiences. Priest_of_satan... we were close in age, but I didn't know you very well, I remember a ready smile, lots of smart-••• comments, and a talent for scrubbing pots. <g> I'm glad you kept you sense of humour over the years. Tom Rossini... I almost didn't post here after seeing your name. I was scared of you for many years, even after I graduated, though I always did admire your kick-••• clarinet playing. It seems you have laid some of your ghosts to rest and made a good life for yourself. I'm happy for that. Last night I figured out the reason I was so scared of you, and much of it wasn't your fault, though I also have a feeling that we met during the time when you were actively trying to get expelled. I wouldn't mind laying some of my own ghosts to rest if you're up for talking sometime. david_thompson... what's to be said. You were the "chicken man", a crazy chess player, and I loved talking to you over the years. I think it may well be your fault that I'm drawn to the slightly eccentric as friends to this day. I hope you're enjoying Japan. Maybe someday I'll go visit. :p There are many others here I could shout out to, but this is getting long enough. I have surprisingly little malice over my time at Grenville. Some sadness, some fears, some lingering confusion, but little malice and definitely some good memories to go along with it. Good and bad, it was the way things were. And now things are different. | ||
| seven_years New member Username: seven_years Post Number: 3 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 74.104.81.138 |
If I had any wish, it would be for the people who caused pain to realize what they've done, acknowledge it to themselves and to those they hurt, and then somehow find peace over it. I haven't yet stepped up to be counted in any of the media or investigations, and I'm not sure I will, since I am trying to look forward rather than back. If there comes a future time when I need some sort of additional closure, I may say something then. My only other wish is for the people who did good things there to know that they made a difference. I tried to do my part in letting them know, about 10 years ago I drove down for a day (the school is only an hour from where I now live) and quietly thanked a few of them. I didn't catch them all, but I was trying to dodge the scary ones, and I did what I could. I can't really put this stuff on a balance scale and come up with a final score about the place, it wasn't all good or all bad, it was what it was. I'm glad to hear confirmation that I wasn't alone in my negative experiences (pain shared is lessened, though I'm sorry that others had to go through such tough times as well), and I'm equally glad to have a place to reconnect with others to remember the good times as well. D. P.S. gay_at_gcc, you were after my time, but we're in the same town, want to get together for coffee sometime? | ||
| edgeandrea New member Username: edgeandrea Post Number: 5 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 74.103.3.94 |
Great post seven years...I think your sentiment regarding the good memories, and wishing for some accountability from those who were so misguided is great. It would be wonderful if everone could find some peace and closure with all of this. | ||
| gayatgcc Member Username: gayatgcc Post Number: 81 Registered: 7-2007 Posted From: 76.66.38.187 |
Seven-Years: tyty_65@hotmail.com | ||
| kathleen_millar New member Username: kathleen_millar Post Number: 8 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 70.66.192.203 |
Seven years, Thanks for the kind words. I'd forgotten that the 'weirdness' started with the whole Tour de Canada escapade. If you'd like to email me I'm at hollowbone33@yahoo.ca Kathleen | ||
| kathleen_millar New member Username: kathleen_millar Post Number: 9 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 70.66.192.203 |
Seven years, Thanks for the kind words. I'd forgotten that the 'weirdness' started with the whole Tour de Canada escapade. If you'd like to email me I'm at hollowbone33@yahoo.ca Kathleen | ||
| stephlivingston New member Username: stephlivingston Post Number: 2 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 72.143.203.122 |
seven_years I just wanted to thank you for saying that little bit of info about Tom Rossini I was a little bit shocked to see him on this too. He knows why I would be shocked to see him on this because I think I am one of the reasons he either left or got expelled I cannot remember but I see he has a good life and is happy and that is what is important | ||
| staff_kid_survivor New member Username: staff_kid_survivor Post Number: 14 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 67.71.95.167 |
Seven Years - who are you??? I'm sorry to be so obtuse - you seem to know who I am but my powers of deduction must be completely pathetic. You are so intuitive and I appreciate everything you said to me and about everything else. Now, if I could just figure out who you are....Could you please send me a message on facebook? (if you're on there) Thanks so much! | ||
| wrowe New member Username: wrowe Post Number: 8 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 69.55.41.190 |
Seven Years... I don't have the slightest who you are. I graduated in 1981. The posting here is more what I would expect in a forum that is supposedly dedicated to healing. Wayne | ||
| tomrossini Junior Member Username: tomrossini Post Number: 48 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 70.230.9.226 |
Hi Seven... Thanks for the posting... During the later years ( when you knew me ) I was actively trying to get expelled. What really blew me over the edge was when FF restricted me from playing my Clarinet. As you know I loved playing the clarinet, it was my passion and Jazz kicks azz... But, If you are you I think you are, (D.H.), then please know this... I always knew when you were around as you loved to hear me play, and it made me feel free, and wonderful knowing that someone enjoyed my own compositions. I wanted to perform one of my original composition with you and a few others during a talent show one year but FF made me do music from my Grade 8 Royal Conservatory of Music Exam and not from my own composition. I remember FF and CF were there when I was playing and FF chuckled and said we have another "Rossini" here trying to be a composer. Today I still play my clarinet and also play Keyboards, Bass guitar as well as alto and tenor sax and actually just ordered a soprano sax. My oldest daughter is almost 7 and I am teaching her how to play the piano as well as the theory and history of music. I do hope that you are playing your clarinet still and that you still have a passion for music. If you are who I think you are please understand that I am truly sorry for anything I may have done for you. I never meant you any harm and I only wanted the best for you. I would love to catch up with you. Sincerly the B# clarinetist | ||
| stephenklein86 New member Username: stephenklein86 Post Number: 3 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 130.63.237.59 |
Hi to everyone I know and what happened to... It's great to hear (read) the voices from the distant past. I see your name and lots of fond memories surface that I had long forgotten. Kathleen - I remember you as a kind person. I'm glad you are doing well now. Wagoner - Wooger! I think I was grade 11 and you were 13 at the time. You were always down to earth and a good guy. Dave Thompson - remember your Hitler imitation! Get the comb... hilarious! Sheila - I still to this day remember your poem. I don't want to assume anything but it was a beautiful protest. I wanted to jump up and cheer when you finished. It was gutsy! Does anyone know where Pamela Warnica is now? If anyone knows her, please say Hi to her for me. She was a real friend. Steve | ||
| himalayan New member Username: himalayan Post Number: 10 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 68.52.59.60 |
Hey Stephen, Remember your G&S partner?!Anyway , that is me. I assume this is you, hopefully. | ||
| stephenklein86 New member Username: stephenklein86 Post Number: 10 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 130.63.237.59 |
Himalayan... are your initials AB?! email me at stephenk@yorku.ca. I'd love to talk to you! | ||
| mandatoryfun New member Username: mandatoryfun Post Number: 1 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 74.98.116.2 |
Well . . . wow. It’s kind of hard to know where to begin. Maybe I should start by following seven_years' great post and giving the shout-out and thanking everyone. I know of a lot of disparate people who are reading and not posting, people whose feelings about their experience I could only guess at. (What salutethis said about participation, I echo strongly.) That you guys have decided to participate and add your voice – even if it didn’t mean anything to the rest of the world – means something to me that is too big to really say. Pandersen: your contributions are so, so important. Dream_truth: it almost makes my skin crawl to use language like this – living at GCC has instilled a lifelong aversion to clichés into me – but, seriously, you are an inspiration. There, I said it. Bettyboop: Ha ha! Every time I see your username, I’m like “Sweet! This is gonna be really good . . .“ Spain and bluesman: Every time you post I feel like that tiny voice inside me that says I imagined all of this insanity gets a little bit smaller Exmonk: I always gave friaries such as yours the benefit of the doubt – to a fault. I was young and I never suspected that they would be run by anyone but the most wise, caring people in the world. Reading what you write makes me vow never to shut my brain off purposefully again. Amacneil, cryfreedom, dignityquest: I used to wonder a lot about you guys individually. Since we weren’t allowed to ask about you beyond the stock answer -- “S/he moved to this town, had two kids, and works as an office manager, etc.” – it’s a real load off to hear you’re thinking, breathing people. Did you know that one of the unwritten rules was that you weren’t to be discussed? When you’d visit, I’d think, “Well, how the hell does this work that they can come back and visit? What were the circumstances of their departure? I won’t find out because it’s inordinate curiosity.” There was such a constant squelching of regular thinking patterns. Such mundane events as your GCC visits and life outside the school were rife with secrecy, confusion and perceived shame. In my world, you’re just asking what someone’s up to. What utter crap it all was; humans are mental. And, cryfreedom, I used to have this recurring daydream while I was there where I would delineate in my mind all the staff that weren’t whacked and your mom was always on the list. It was a short list. Sheilac: you’re hilarious. Please keep it coming. Breaker_19_girl: your insight into this stuff is gold. I’ve seen you post elsewhere and your forbearance outstrips mine for sure. Papillon: I know this sounds weird, but the fact that you are, if I may, a bit angry helps me. Or at least it makes me feel better. I’d prefer if you didn’t hold your tongue. Tabby1979, tmw, wagener84: you guys offer some of the bread and butter of this site for me and along with others raise the bar of discussion and support. Purgatory, jes_noonan, mike_irvine and salutethis: since I also wasn’t a staff or community kid and I didn’t experience any egregious one-on-one abuse (that I can remember), sometimes I don’t think I deserve to be here, but with you guys here, I feel a bit more comfortable. My sister remembers you, salutethis, and says you were always an upstanding guy. Rozpriceenglish and kathleen_millar: I could actually relate to wanting to join the staff. Though I lost that desire pretty quickly, the promise of community and mission was compelling. They sucked you in and beat you down. Thanks for sharing; it helps. The validation you have all provided, I think, has changed my life a little bit. | ||
| cryfreedom Intermediate Member Username: cryfreedom Post Number: 152 Registered: 6-2006 Posted From: 24.226.27.60 |
HI MANDATORYFUN(great name by the way). Good to have you on board here. Trying for the life of me to figure out who you are. But thank you for all of your kind words to so many of us. God, didn't know questions regarding the "lost" staff kids were off limits. I totally agree with you. It would have been normal for anyone of you to come up to me and say HI and ask what I was up to. So crazy that they made it some big secret and that we were the bad example coming back to visit. My Mom left GCC a few years ago and lives on her own in Brockville(blissfully happy).  I have not been back to GCC in a few years. Have a good night everyone-----Dawn | ||
| dignityquest Junior Member Username: dignityquest Post Number: 37 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 99.228.175.126 |
In response to mandatoryfun (and others). That is not surprising (but yukky) that you coudn't ask about us. It was the same when I was there and someone left. There was this sick sort of "we're better than thiose heathens who left". Helped me not to become one of them (for a long time). I realized I haven't share what actually happened. In 1983, I moved to the Community to becaome a brother. I was called Novice Jacob. I realized years later that I would do anything to feel accepted. I was the most dedicated novice on earth. I ws so determined and sure that becoming a brother would solve all of my problems. After 2 1/2 years, the day was announced that I would take my vows. I was in heaven. Five days before the big day, there was a meeting that the bros and sis's went to (but not novices) I was in the kitchen, dusting off soup cans. A sister came down after the meeting and said I did a lousy job. I yelled at her and ran over to where we lived. That night, the Mothers called me to the kitchen and told me I was going back to GCC because I had gotten angry and so was not ready to become a brother. I had to go and work things out with my mother. Strangely, they did me a big favor. When I returned, I was not allowed to speak or look at my mother (not sure how I was to work things out). After 6 months of what seemed to make every other experieince pale in comparison. I decided to leave. I called my Uncle in California and told him. Someone over heard and told FF. He told me what a miserable excuse for a man I was. I particularly remember him saying that there were 8 year old that were more useful than me. This just strengthened my resolve. I packed 2 suitcases and got a ride to the train station and began living a real life. I came to Grenville at 16, not in great shape, and I have never blamed it all on the school. Much of it was hell, but I also bought into it and hurt others in the process. I've had a lot of could've, should've would'ves over the years and still do sometimes. I know that if that a form of religion or anything else debases or demeans a persons dignity, it isn't worth following. In the spirit of continued healing,DQ,(Jeff) Hope to see lots of you all this weekend! | ||
| purgatory Junior Member Username: purgatory Post Number: 49 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 65.95.149.195 |
Mandatoryfun...I certainly can understand the feeling of wondering if you have any "right" to post on here...I know I spent many years telling myself that what happened to me wasn't that bad, and I truly did believe I was the one who was in the wrong..as if to justify the actions of others. I spent many years placing other people's pain before my own, and maybe it was safer for me to go that route. It takes alot of strength to be able to look within, and admit you feel like crap inside, and it takes alot of work to be able to get to the point where you can place value on yourself, and not just on others.To this day when I hear of the horror others had to endure it just makes me want to weep, and I can quickly forget about myself.I guess what I am trying to say is I now know I can have compassion for others/I can do everything in my power to help those I love, and care about, but it doesn't have to end there-I can also have compassion for myself, and love myself as well.You can be a great help to others on this forum,and in turn you may find some healing as well. You have every right to be here mandatoryfun, and I hope you will get to the point where you believe this for yourself. Much respect...Catherine Goss Forsythe | ||
| breaker_19_girl Intermediate Member Username: breaker_19_girl Post Number: 233 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 64.187.49.64 |
Very true Cathy! I too have found a lot of healing in this posting and discovered myself and who I truly am. I felt like you sooooo much Cath over the years. And, I have learned to begin to trust again. And, have been able to open myself up to compliments and I ahve learned what it is to love something and or people. Something I never understood and I denied for years.. I am making a begining and letting it take me over... It freaks me out... But, I go with it... Mandatory, You are not the only one who had the where did they go issue? I know someone else who felt that over the years at GCC too. Not me, I got it and I investigated privately... But, people dissappeared a lot and never spoken of again.... It was freakish! | ||
| survivor1101 New member Username: survivor1101 Post Number: 1 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 207.112.105.233 |
Yeah I remember asking where a certain friend of mine who was a staff kid went. It took me like 4 months to find out that the two of them were shipped off the the Community. So freaking odd that things like that were a seekrit. What ev! | ||
| mandatoryfun New member Username: mandatoryfun Post Number: 9 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 99.231.191.202 |
Massive thanks for the validation. And thanks for the story, Dignityquest. I ate it up like round turkey cutlets on white bread with gravy and fries (my favourite GCC meal) . . . Which reminds me of how gruesome it was to be forced sometimes to sit there and eat things that were and are truly disgusting to me. I wasn't asking for different food; just leave me alone, please. I'm trying to be invisible. Not everyone's feelings about food are the same, and that was torture -- I had to fight back tears. Another example, I feel, of the systematic disrespect of kids as people by the staff. | ||
| survivor1101 New member Username: survivor1101 Post Number: 5 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 207.112.105.233 |
Yes, food was a hard point for me, and since I developed a budding anorexia there, it is not surprising. Being forced to eat things that I could not stomach was just cruel. I mean I understand that liver is some people's favorite, but not everyone's and some of us could NOT get it down. I remember nearly crying every time they served it and eating massive amounts of bread and milk to try to choke it down. Until they discovered what I was doing and was told that I had to just eat it. Interestingly enough it was then that I developed a condition that did not allow me to swallow food at all without drinking water to wash it down. That stuck with me for a really long time. Never happened with Blueberry Buckle though. | ||
| survivor1101 New member Username: survivor1101 Post Number: 6 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 207.112.105.233 |
Yes, food was a hard point for me, and since I developed a budding anorexia there, it is not surprising. Being forced to eat things that I could not stomach was just cruel. I mean I understand that liver is some people's favorite, but not everyone's and some of us could NOT get it down. I remember nearly crying every time they served it and eating massive amounts of bread and milk to try to choke it down. Until they discovered what I was doing and was told that I had to just eat it. Interestingly enough it was then that I developed a condition that did not allow me to swallow food at all without drinking water to wash it down. That stuck with me for a really long time. Never happened with Blueberry Buckle though. | ||
| tinkerbell84 New member Username: tinkerbell84 Post Number: 5 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 88.134.236.100 |
Please don't even mention the food. I also developed major stomach problems by swallowing food whole and have suffered from digestive problems ever since. I was a vegetarian since I was around 6 years old and they literally forced me to eat meat which was absolute torture!! | ||
| spain Member Username: spain Post Number: 67 Registered: 5-2006 Posted From: 69.204.218.39 |
tinkerbell - What horrors. I am so sorry. I know other students who still have serious gastro- problems due to things at GCC. | ||
| adelicatebalance New member Username: adelicatebalance Post Number: 7 Registered: 9-2007 Posted From: 64.40.180.98 |
My parents forced me to eat everything on my plate no matter how distasteful it was to me. What horrors. The upside is, I like absolutely everything today! A day doesn't go by without me thanking them for that. | ||
| strength Member Username: strength Post Number: 51 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 192.197.95.253 |
Not that I have any right to brag or anything, but speaking of GCC food......I think I might be the only GCC alumnus who went on an official hunger strike at the school. It was my protest against the rules. I drank water, but didn't touch anything else, for 6 days. My mom says the school was calling her every day in a panic about it. They were praying madly for me to eat. I think they even did that thing where all the "single ladies" form a circle around your bed in the middle of the night, and tell Satan to leave you alone and quit being such a bother. It was 1976 and I was 14, a skinny 99 pounds. On the final day, I woke up feeling like I was going to die, so I ate some breakfast. The prayers must have worked. It was a choice between Satan and a hot piece of that peach crisp breakfast cake. I figured that even the dark one himself had to appreciate how good that cake could look when you're really hungry. Nor did the rules change. But it wasn't a complete failure, as being a hunger-striker put me into the big-league civil disobedience ranks with guys like Ghandi. | ||
| quietgrl Junior Member Username: quietgrl Post Number: 36 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 24.226.102.190 |
STrength: Not the only one... there was a young girl there the year I was... I remember around mid term (first semester) ... watching a car come up the driveway... the father got out and went to the back of the car... took out a suitcase... placed it on the grass... As this was going on... the mother... started to wrestle her daughter out of the car... she was screaming and clawing... quite a sight... her father joined in... pushed her out as her mother pulled... Once out of the car, the girl just stood there... defeated...staring straight ahead... the deans came down and escorted her up the front steps and her parents ( I use the term here lightly) drove off.... The next I saw her... (beautiful girl... blonde curls... she looked like a porcelain doll) ... she was sitting in the dinning room at the back in full uniform.... She sat there... for over a week...staring at the wall... with food being put in front of her... and then removed (untouched) and replaced by the next meal of the day.... I had to switch up her food one meal... asked her to please eat... as I had been told to... she just stared at the wall... Then one day... she was gone... I was told her name years ago.. but I can't remember... I was also told she was there the year before I was there... 86/87 ... I was there 87/88 .... She had been "on D" several times... or so I was told... Anyone remember this... ( and please do not out her name... that is not a fair thing to do...) | ||
| chaoshart New member Username: chaoshart Post Number: 3 Registered: 10-2007 Posted From: 12.217.208.195 |
Wow. I thought things were bad while I was there, but some of what I have read makes me wish I would have done something. but like many I never looked back after I left. So many people here I knew! I guess I was to wrapped up in my own HELL to be there for anyone else back then | ||
| sandrabrownearly Member Username: sandrabrownearly Post Number: 64 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 162.83.61.245 |
Welcome chaoshart! So many have expressed the same guilty feelings...we were all wrapped up in our own world. (Most teenagers are, but even more so in that environment.) You took care of yourself...thats the most you could do. So glad you're here. You may have not looked back, but I think you'll realize that it easily comes back to the surface. This forum loses focus from time to time, but generally it's a great place to share and move towards healing. Mostly from knowing that you weren't alone and that how ever you feel is normal and okay. Again, welcome...Sandra ;-) |
