| Author | Message | ||
     nabashalam Intermediate Member Username: nabashalam Post Number: 250 Registered: 1-2006 Posted From: 75.128.244.102 |
I have to get this off my chest and was wondering if any ex-member has experienced something similar (or even different...kinda sorta) to what I recently experienced. I was looking through the TT teachings website for a certain teaching, which I have never really done before, and as I read I got a feeling that I hadnt had in a long time. It was the same feeling I use to get in drug and alcohol re-habs when they had us watch movies with heavy explicit drug use in them. The same feeling I use to get when I was on my way to "score". I would get this knot in my stomach along with butterflies and a rush of the expectancy of getting high. The feeling was almost as powerful as the actual doing of the drugs! Then as the movie would play out, you knew what was coming at the end of the run... Nausea, dehydration, emotional bankruptcy, suicidal thoughts, fatigue, malaise, severe depression and lethargy. I had to actually leave the website because that sickness was coming back too. The same ptsd psychosis I went through every time I left the tribes that would drive me into a self-medicating binge, followed by the "get thee to a nunnery" detox and rehab self-preservation mode. Just reading the "Cult Speak" gave me flash backs of the what I now realise is straight up mind control and sorcery! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! I physically had to get up from my computer and get some fresh air! God! It is so heavy and oppressing!!! I thank God I am no longer under that spell... All of them! Drugs, alcohol and the TT. | ||
| jodymcgrody New member Username: jodymcgrody Post Number: 3 Registered: 2-2005 Posted From: 66.82.9.103 |
Sometimes when I think about the community I can almost taste the millet and smell the vinny. I'm reminded of Sabbath's where breakfast was granola, then lunch was oat bars, and then afterwards sitting in the breaking of bread like some sort of methane gas experiment about to go bad. Those were good times, being oblivious and naive to the problems going on. Really trusting in the government in spite of the chaos and confusion and sincerely thinking that somehow it was going to work out. Then leaning a little to the left on the cushion...and then watching all the single sisters look like they were about to gag. Good times man, good times. We didn't have television but we did have "smell-o-vision" | ||
| nabashalam Intermediate Member Username: nabashalam Post Number: 254 Registered: 1-2006 Posted From: 75.128.244.102 |
Dont forget the single bros "bunk house" after everyone scarfed down 3 bowls of soaked oats for breakfast and cabbage and taters for dinner! It was a "olfactory symphony"!  | ||
| soul1958 Member Username: soul1958 Post Number: 61 Registered: 6-2005 Posted From: 75.100.4.110 |
well, ok! nabashalam@--------.com> wrote: Well sweety...why dont you bring the thread back on track??? tld <soul1958@------.com> wrote: I just read your posting at FACTnet TTboard - about the ptsd psychosis... I was trying to relate. Your first "symptoms" are what are commonly attributed to an "adrenoline rush." I hate adrenoline...(but I loved speed!).... so it's not really the same thing (in my body/mind). The point I'm trying to make is that the same physical reactions can be experienced as a good feeling or as a bad feeling.... depending upon to what they are/were attributed, in what context they are experienced. Understand? You seemed to associate the feeling to something good anticipated. So then, it's not surprising that you're enjoying "getting high" on that feeling, much as athletes speak of the "rush" in sky diving, mountain climbing, winning... And they keep seeking it. My adrenoline rushes I have come to interpret as something wrong/bad/dangerous coming. I like to avoid them at all costs. Now, all that other stuff at the end (Nausea, dehydration, emotional bankruptcy, suicidal thoughts, fatigue, malaise, severe depression and lethargy)... only some of that is familiar to me. My Nausea comes DURING the rush, as does lightheadedness (b/c the blood is draining out of my head), and heart racing (not my weird heart-racing disorder). All of that does cause complete fatigue afterward. The depression depends upon the context/outcome of the situation. Lethargy is a mild form of depression in me...i.e., "don't care" mode. My suicidal thoughts are so rare, I probably can't categorize them. (rare, probably b/c I haven't done something I regret...I think your regrets are based on something I wasn't indoctrinated with! yeah!) I suspect your dehydration is a factor of drinking alcohol, not the adrenoline rush. So.... do you want to understand why I become so "dramatic" when you start talking about moving somewhere to save the world/your soul/follow "God's" will? B/c I get that feeling you are talking about.... knots in my stomach along with butterflies, the rush, hyperventalating, nausea, light headedness (probably from the hyperventalating) --all at the same time. Like getting hit with a huge sudden IV dose of sugar (my drug?) (and PS... I think it's sad that your thread dwindled into a fart thread... I guess it's easier to laugh about it than face the truth.... pure PTSD self-medication?! ) night.... love you. Humor is my god - but sleep is my master. ~tld | ||
| soul1958 Member Username: soul1958 Post Number: 63 Registered: 6-2005 Posted From: 75.100.4.110 |
forgive me for posting links. I have been researching PTSD for Factnet and the VA recently..I'm innundated with info. http://www.dartcenter.org/articles/special_features/ptsd101_2.html http://www.dartcenter.org/articles/special_features/ptsd101_3.html | ||
| sabbathkeeper Junior Member Username: sabbathkeeper Post Number: 43 Registered: 12-2006 Posted From: 64.24.149.150 |
Life def. s-cks but we must make what is best for us and those that are around us!!!! I wish the TT were the only ones but they are NOT! There are are times where I "feel" like I could just throw it all up in the air and give in!! Even if they are not the "only ones" I could live like they are!!! But then again I come to my senses and.... I keep truckin' on this long stange trip!! | ||
| sabbathkeeper Junior Member Username: sabbathkeeper Post Number: 44 Registered: 12-2006 Posted From: 64.24.149.150 |
Life def. s-cks but we must make what is best for us and those that are around us!!!! I wish the TT were the only ones but they are NOT! There are are times where I "feel" like I could just throw it all up in the air and give in!! Even if they are not the "only ones" I could live like they are!!! But then again I come to my senses and.... I keep truckin' on this long stange trip!! | ||
| nabashalam Intermediate Member Username: nabashalam Post Number: 257 Registered: 1-2006 Posted From: 75.128.244.102 |
Hang in there Thomas! There just might be a few new humble communities popping up on the horizon! | ||
| soul1958 Member Username: soul1958 Post Number: 65 Registered: 6-2005 Posted From: 75.100.4.110 |
SabbathKeeper writes: "Life def. s-cks..." Wow! You, too? I cannot figure out why I do not have that “Life Sucks” perception. It’s not like my life is totally perfect, but I wouldn’t say it sucks. I have often accused Naba (and my Catholic mom) of being addicted to negativity. For my mom, I often assumed hers was from being raised that way by my nasty grandmother and from maintaining a no-hope attitude so as never to be disappointed. In Naba, I also recognized it as a two-fold: being willing to self- condemn for being a “failure” at ... anything and everything he can think of, and seeing the world as going to hell and not doing enough to fix it...or help fix it. Now, of course, fixing the world is a never ending job, thus a never-ending supply of self-deprecation! Thus, a good excuse to go off the deep end in alcohol and drugs, right? Or, go off on some religious fix. You know, growing up as a child of an alcoholic, I learned that there are some things/people I just can’t fix. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do good things and help others. Now, why Naba, 8 years ago, thought I’d be “Perfect for the Twelve Tribes.” I asked him that just this past week. He reminded me of my personality/persona back them, as a humble, Christian woman...who kept my place (in the house) and baked bread! The TT lifestyle was how I was living at the time... so why wasn’t that good enough!? Why insist I join the group? Because I had not given up my home and family and all my worldly possessions. I’m sure if I had done that, there’d have been another hurdle, and another and another for me to prove myself worthy of the TT. The strange thing is, I could see Naba “sick” with the TT – then and still today, I think of it as a spiritual problem - with psychosomatic results. However, I don’t believe the underlying cause is the TT. I tend to agree with him; drink, drugs, and TT – all lie in the same realm of escapism for him. Reactions and Control are both learned. I did not learn that life sucks – and I cannot say life childhood was any better than anyone else’s. I’d say, Naba had as good a childhood. I drink and I have used drugs, but never to the point of abuse. I was not raised Christian, but followed it well for about 20 years – and had no problem leaving it when I finally admitted that I couldn’t conform to it anymore. I told Naba this past week: I wouldn’t say he caused me to make a complete personality change (or maybe a return to my old persona), but he certainly was a catalyst. And for that I thank him dearly. | ||
| randyspenser New member Username: randyspenser Post Number: 20 Registered: 10-2005 Posted From: 71.49.198.243 |
"The darkest hour is just one hour before dawn." | ||
| nabashalam Intermediate Member Username: nabashalam Post Number: 259 Registered: 1-2006 Posted From: 75.128.244.102 |
Love must be as much a light as it is a flame.- Henry David Thoreau | ||
| truth_seeker Member Username: truth_seeker Post Number: 63 Registered: 1-2006 Posted From: 74.140.188.26 |
Thomas, You say "Life def. s-cks." Thank goodness that wasn't your whole statement, I'll come back to the rest of it after I finish this one thought. When you say Def, do you mean definition as in a statement expressing the essential nature of something? I beg to differ that Life def. s-cks. Because, really, Life in and of itself is a miracle! The very origins of life and it's existence is miraculous. Wouldn't you agree? You continued, "but we must make what is best for us and those that are around us!!!!" How would you define best? One webster definition is, excelling all others. God is the best! Who can argue? Of course we could argue over who God is, but we are, therefore God is. What is God's best for our lives, Thomas? Truth? We won't settle for anything less! I couldn't help but notice the words David Derush posted from 1 John under the thread about following Yahshua, 4The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. What does he command, Thomas? What is commanded of us to do the will of God? 1 John 3 says, 23And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Who is the ONLY ONE, Thomas? Who is the creator of life? What is His will? How is his light, truth, and love shone? 1 John 2:8 Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining. Press on, friend, toward the goal of life... | ||
| nabashalam Intermediate Member Username: nabashalam Post Number: 260 Registered: 1-2006 Posted From: 75.128.244.102 |
I believe def. meant definitely! The truth is... "The world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love." -William Sloane Coffin | ||
| soul1958 Member Username: soul1958 Post Number: 66 Registered: 6-2005 Posted From: 75.100.4.110 |
Truth_Seeker, You write so poetically. I suspect you are highly creative! However... (Naba... NOW I get what you are saying! I should have thought beyond the distant past.) God is the best! Who can argue? Of course we could argue over who God is, but we are, therefore God is. This caused a sheer gagging response from me! Is this because of what I had been taught in my 20+ years in Christianity, and then dared to look closer at the Christians who taught it to me!? What is God's best for our lives, Thomas? Truth? We won't settle for anything less! But people do...they do it all the time. I couldn't help but notice the words David Derush posted from 1 John under the thread about following Yahshua, 4The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. I wonder, has David Derush ever posted these words: James 1:25 - But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does. 26 - If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. I have never felt freer or more blessed as when I have been NOT a Christian, not believing in “the name” or anything else about that religion. I would like Christians to remember this lesson: Mt 21:28ff (presumably from their Jesus’ lips). Note: If tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom ahead of the chief priests and the elders of the people (i.e., the self-declared self-righteous), it appears that “going” into the TT (vineyards) is not the same saving act that is “working” where you are. What does he command, Thomas? What is commanded of us to do the will of God? 1 John 3 says, 23And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Be careful how you answer that one, Thomas; it’s a slippery slope. James 1 again: v 27 - Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (point – this does not mean “making” orphans and widows by sucking fathers and husbands into the TT, leaving their families behind.) And by the way, this idea came out of Jewish thought, long before Christian worship came about. Who is the ONLY ONE, Thomas? Who is the creator of life? What is His will? How is his light, truth, and love shone? 1 John 2:8 Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining. Press on, friend, toward the goal of life... Gagging again. These Christian praise-worships bombs come at such opportune times, as if lying in wait. Note the style? Question, question, question, question – Bible verse. Note the buzz words. Note the pathos. Note the ethos. Note the lack of logos? Now that I feel sick...and have once again been reminded why I do not want to be around any Christians... I’m going to go have a cigarette! (Message edited by soul1958 on September 10, 2007) | ||
| unknownunsure Member Username: unknownunsure Post Number: 52 Registered: 7-2007 Posted From: 71.49.198.243 |
Soul, I am so sorry for your sickness and all that gagging you are doing. I hope you don't mind that I pray for you to be healed. Maybe it comes from something you ate that doesn't set well. Remember, we can each eat the same fruit, but some may be prepared wrong, some may be spoiled, and some were not served properly, but it doesn't mean we will ALL be sick from its consumption. This fruit may be just what some of us need to be well. We are all different. Heather (the Christian) | ||
| truth_seeker Member Username: truth_seeker Post Number: 64 Registered: 1-2006 Posted From: 74.140.188.26 |
Well, Soul, you really sized me up! 'Poetic Christian makes me gag.' Oh well, I guess we just have different tastes. A cigarette would definitely make me gag, I'd rather have a smoothie with a side of poetic of scripture. Aslo, all you prostitutes out there, don't quit your night job, you may need the money to take care of the widows and orphans. Just a little humor...  | ||
| nabashalam Intermediate Member Username: nabashalam Post Number: 265 Registered: 1-2006 Posted From: 75.128.244.102 |
I see that my starting this thread by opening up and looking for some feedback about some latent PTSD symptoms that I had recently experienced has gone down the crapper and been reduced to the same old factnet bickering... Thanks everyone... | ||
| truth_seeker Member Username: truth_seeker Post Number: 66 Registered: 1-2006 Posted From: 74.140.188.26 |
Sorry, Naba, but it seemed like that subjected farted out after the first few posts. Oh, me and my puns, that one was intended. | ||
| whereto2 Junior Member Username: whereto2 Post Number: 26 Registered: 4-2007 Posted From: 68.245.171.208 |
yeh ptsd... i would like to meet the doctor who wrote you that diagnosis code.... what a joke... yeh and the good ol 'battered wife' one too... some people just love to play the victim... crying wolf everyday... | ||
| nabashalam Intermediate Member Username: nabashalam Post Number: 266 Registered: 1-2006 Posted From: 75.128.244.102 |
Well, Ive been the biggest offender of derailing threads with anti-Christain attacks on this board so I guess this "pot" has no business calling any "kettles" black. I just hope we all can put forth an effort to keep these threads "civil" and actually accomplish something here instead of using it as a "gladiators coliseum"... I hope we all could learn something from history and not just come here for entertainments sake to watch the same old venue of the Christians getting chewed up by the lions...( truth is the lions rarely get scratched...) whereto2, its ironic that you would say that those who have suffered from traumatic mental control are just crying wolf. Tell that to the vets who have come home from any war...or have been "held captive" by any mental and/or physical abuser. It seems to me that you portray symptoms of being "battered". Abused somehow, somewhere. You are bitter and angry and cry "The TT is a victim from all the abusing ex-members!". Who's crying "WOLF" here? The TT has a teaching that if someone offends you, that it is an actual "cry for help" coming from the offender... And Im sure many here have offended you and visa-versa. So how do we turn this around and start helping each other instead of hurting each other? What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other? -George Eliot(Mary Anne Evans) | ||
| fatherofaking Intermediate Member Username: fatherofaking Post Number: 304 Registered: 8-2005 Posted From: 71.255.159.145 |
if we are not here for the betterment of mankind then we are an offense to all. | ||
| whereto2 Junior Member Username: whereto2 Post Number: 27 Registered: 4-2007 Posted From: 68.245.171.208 |
yes the TT is the victim , and you can cry ptsd all you want... or battered wife all you want... that is all you are doing is crying wolf... you compare war and being physically beaten as a wife to life in the TT... and i say you are full of it... i know more than a few people who have gone to war who if had the choice would of much rather spent it in the TT... im sure there are many battered woman who would have made the same trade... so get off it... no one is buying it... it is you who is heaping the abuse... that is clear... if anyone by your rational and failed logic is going to have anykind of 'ptsd' or 'battered wife' its those who come to this board and are subject to your flooding of posts.... yes you certainly have been here crying for help for years... unable to truely humble yourself and seek forgiveness... so here you are making up loads of garbage and heaping abuse each day to justify and rationalize your ways... physician heal thyself... face it the simple reality - without Yahshua you are without a head and lost... | ||
| fatherofaking Intermediate Member Username: fatherofaking Post Number: 308 Registered: 8-2005 Posted From: 71.255.159.145 |
yes you certainly have been here crying for help for years... unable to truely humble yourself and seek forgiveness... so here you are making up loads of garbage and heaping abuse each day to justify and rationalize your ways... i always find it fascinating that people that act like this often describe their own behavior perfectly while condemning others. |
