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strength
New member
Username: strength
Post Number: 1
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 69.156.1.172
| | Posted on Monday, August 27, 2007 - 6:27 pm: | 
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We have to think about emotional safety. I haven't contributed at all to these on-line discussions, but I have been reading them. The disclosures of abuse / misuse of power are extremely serious; people are describing deep and long-lasting trauma. Some ex-GCCers have worked long and hard to keep these experiences from damaging their lives. But now that the surface is being scratched, there is a huge risk that the flood gates will open up at the Closing Ceremonies. This is an even greater risk when people are back in the environment where the incidents occurred. The triggers will all be there. Some people may literally crack wide open. I've seen this happen clinically several times, (I work in health care). So I'm wondering if we should ask GCC to set aside a time and place (during the planned Closing Ceremonies) for us to meet as a group of ex-students. We could also have a trained professional there to help us, - someone who knows about cults, post-traumatic stress syndrome, etc. I have a colleague who has expertise in group work, particularly with abuse survivors. What do all of you think? |
strength
New member
Username: strength
Post Number: 2
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 69.156.1.172
| | Posted on Monday, August 27, 2007 - 6:45 pm: |
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We also need to think very seriously about how to be supportive of each other. Some people had a really tough time at GCC. This has caused anger and grief. Others had a great experience of the school, and may even be defensive of its leadership. These differences could cause conflict and pain, especially if there are no ground rules for how we can listen to and support each other safely. This is something that a trained facilitator could help to establish for us, either before or during the Closing Ceremonies. |
sildag
New member
Username: sildag
Post Number: 11
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 66.130.48.198
| | Posted on Monday, August 27, 2007 - 8:09 pm: |
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Hi Strength,
You bring up a very good point. My husband went to GCC, and has had an extremely hard time there, and still is more than 15 years later. He has seen this site, has written only once, and has not been able to come back, since the memories are too hard on him. I still don`t know if he will decide to attend on the 29, but I do know that he is the type of man who could very well "go off" in that environment. Especially if people try to defend GCC to his face. He has been through more than anyone knows, the type of abuse that nobody seems to speak of here. I don`t blame anyone for not speaking about it, but it is still there, and still hapened.
What you are suggesting is very important. People should take it seriously, and make the proper suggestions to whomever is in a planning capacity for this event. If not, I am pretty sure the sh*$ will hit the fan! |
rev_d
New member
Username: rev_d
Post Number: 10
Registered: 7-2006
Posted From: 71.230.154.175
| | Posted on Monday, August 27, 2007 - 8:25 pm: |
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I know noting about GCC. I entered this discussion because of concerns with the CofJ and questions about why I saw through their hogwash when other bright, kind people I knew did not.
I have been following these posts and waiting for someone to mention the difficulties that could arise. As a pastor, I would be concerned for all the 'triggers' that are present in this situation. From what I have read posted here,I frankly do not believe that the administration would even be able to acknowledge that students were hurt at "such a fine, Christian place." My suggestion would be pre- and post-reunion meetings, with facilitator, at an off-campus location. Might there be a church in the area that would welcome you? Or even a meeting room at a nearby hotel? (I know that would involve an additional expense, but your health is worth it.) |
wagener84
Junior Member
Username: wagener84
Post Number: 33
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 199.214.192.50
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 11:13 am: |
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Maybe im being naive but I am pretty confident that those of us looking for healing and closure will find each other out. I am already aware of several people from my years (77-84)that have issues to resolve and it sounds like there are many more from the late 80s to early 90s that have connected as well. It does not appear that anything happened after circa 96 when ties with the c of satan were severed. I think most students have already prepared to face their demons by reaching out to fellow students on media such as this forum. Some including myself have already made personal peace with several former staff. I big question that remains is will FF appear at the closing and will he acknowledge that what he perpetrated many years ago was wrong. |
jes_noonan
Member
Username: jes_noonan
Post Number: 80
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 67.71.22.126
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 11:58 am: |
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Great thread and well timed.
My thoughts on the matter: First and foremost, there's absolutely no way that the school would EVER allow a meeting of sorts with ex-students, and staff to deal with a professional in cults, post-traumatic stress, etc at the closing. It would be an admission of guilt on their part and potentially open Pandora's Box.
As for FF acknowledging anything which would indemnify himself or the school, the same principle holds true. It will never happen as the repercussions could be huge for him/them.
I'm just taking a pragmatic approach to this. As far as group healing, etc goes this site is probably our only realistic avenue.
The one thing in which we have working in our favour, as wagener eluded to, is that we have put together a support group of sorts already on here and we should all be aware that some of us may need others support at the closing. Some of us who've released our names on Factnet should be relatively easy to find and I'm quite sure that we'll all know who one another is after a short period of time. This, IMO, is the best and probably only way to handle the closing. The last thing that we need is for a confrontation between any two or more people concerning the issues on this site at the closing.
So in the end, I suggest we seek one another out, enjoy each other's company, take the closing for what it is and then roll on down the highway. |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 124
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 64.187.49.250
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 12:50 pm: |
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I agree with Jes. The other thing is this, that to actually allow people to say what they want and give people time in which to do it.... would take too long and more time than the Saturday evening would allow.
The school would never allow it, and if they did, it would have to be neutral territory.
My not so much a fear but concern is this.... Some of us who have been disclosing ourselves... will we have a target on our backs when we get there. I mean several of us have dropped names....
I am not into hugging anyone I have written negatively about. I hate false bravdo.... and so much happens there... |
jes_noonan
Member
Username: jes_noonan
Post Number: 86
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 67.71.22.126
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 1:31 pm: |
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I have no doubt that the current staff at GCC have been reading these threads (ie Rock_Harbour). I'm ok with having my name out there. If they want to waste their time following me around watching me talk to old and new friends, play a little ball, etc, so be it. No skin off my back. I don't imagine that any of them would see the benefit of questioning me and my postings on this site or anyone else's for that matter. It would only stir up sh$t which I'm quite sure they don't want to do. |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 126
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 64.187.49.172
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 1:58 pm: |
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I think what my problem is more about the fakeness and hugging people I have little or no like for is all..... I think I will be diverting a lot ....
I am going mainly to see some people, walk about the old place and see the changes...
I agree they wont want to stir up any bull... But again the fakeness disturbs me.... |
jes_noonan
Member
Username: jes_noonan
Post Number: 87
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 67.71.22.126
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 2:25 pm: |
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I understand your point about the fakeness breaker, but you know as well as I do that it is the potential reality of the situation. Keep in mind that a lot of the old staff won't even recognize most of us.
If that is the worst thing that happens then I think it will be a success for all involved, agreed? |
wagener84
Junior Member
Username: wagener84
Post Number: 35
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 199.214.192.50
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 3:26 pm: |
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Fact is alot of the old staff aren't even there anymore and I wonder how many will return. I for one don't think there will be any problems unless something completely unforeseen and bizarre takes place. |
rozpriceenglish
Member
Username: rozpriceenglish
Post Number: 61
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 172.168.228.108
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 3:39 pm: |
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i can see where strength is coming from. and i think it is responsible to consider personal safety - physical and emotional. i also think it's a foregone conclusion (agreeing with jes here) that the school will be unable (as a body) to address any wrongdoing as a whole.
i don't know that a pre-arranged meeting is the answer or even possible, but i'm ex-staff/student, and i'll say loud and without pride - if someone needs to speak to me and get something off their chest, i'll be there, and i'll listen and i'll apologize - and i think it will be surprising how many other staff/exstaff would say something similar. and if NOT, then it's their loss. i know that when i tried to confront ff years ago, he wouldn't even meet with me. and he'll answer for it someday.
i found some healing from other staff, so i'm certainly willing to be a proxy if necessary. |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 127
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 64.187.48.247
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 3:58 pm: |
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Yes Jes.... agreed....!!
I think in all honesty, that is a fear I had... I am kinda interested though and going because if I don't I know I will regret it later. I think that this website has helped to lay some of my demons to rest, voicing certain things and understanding many are feeling some trepidation as well makes me feel better.
The fact that so many have felt and expereinced some of the emotional quilt and torment I have over the years and knowing there may be a hand or two to grab on that day makes me feel better.
Not that I relish in anyones pain or I am glad you have suffered it, I just am happy it was not I alone. As stated before by me, I felt a lone and un able to articulate so much for long that when I got here I began to understand so much more.
I am not scared so much of the people, I am not ready to face some of them and smile and say I missed you. Because I didn't, I don't plan on catching them up to speed. I am not afraid of FF anymore, maybe what might come out of my mouth though. So, I will be the girl side stepping a few people whose names I have previously mentioned.....
But, I do think actually depending on proximity that some of the older staff may come back.... Kinda just for the same reasons we are going...waggy. |
wagener84
Junior Member
Username: wagener84
Post Number: 36
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 199.214.192.50
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 4:09 pm: |
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Regardless, I plan on hanging with old friends and having a good time. I will be leaving on Sunday with a smile on my face and at peace..come hell or high water..lol. |
wagener84
Junior Member
Username: wagener84
Post Number: 37
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 199.214.192.50
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 5:02 pm: |
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I have heard from a very reliable source that FF will not be going to the event...so there will be no confrontations on that front.
I also strongly feel that there will be no incidents at GCC during the reunion because the fact is anyone who might have been affected is mature now. As mature people, we know better, and do better and should not mimic behaviour that haunted us many years ago. To even think anyone will do something to make it an unpleasant event is really calling them immature and not in control. Regardless of our past hurts and pains, Factnet posters are reasonable people.
Another point to be made is that just as much respect must go out to those who disliked their experiences as those who liked their experiences. There will be many alumni of a younger age (post-insantity period circa 96 to present day) that do not deserve to have their last memories screwed up by those who are screwed up. We are all adults and thus should respect that.
Those are the thoughts of some of us respecting this event...... Take what you want from it. |
wagener84
Junior Member
Username: wagener84
Post Number: 38
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 199.214.192.50
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 5:03 pm: |
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I have heard from a very reliable source that FF will not be going to the event...so there will be no confrontations on that front.
I also strongly feel that there will be no incidents at GCC during the reunion because the fact is anyone who might have been affected is mature now. As mature people, we know better, and do better and should not mimic behaviour that haunted us many years ago. To even think anyone will do something to make it an unpleasant event is really calling them immature and not in control. Regardless of our past hurts and pains, Factnet posters are reasonable people.
Another point to be made is that just as much respect must go out to those who disliked their experiences as those who liked their experiences. There will be many alumni of a younger age (post-insantity period circa 96 to present day) that do not deserve to have their last memories screwed up by those who are screwed up. We are all adults and thus should respect that.
Those are the thoughts of some of us respecting this event...... Take what you want from it. |
strength
New member
Username: strength
Post Number: 3
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 65.93.72.211
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 9:33 pm: |
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Hi gang. Thanks for all your insights as to the issue of providing some psychological protection for those people who may find the closing ceremonies traumatic. I'm now wondering if, as a group, we should maybe write up some sort of "peer support" letter to former students. One that could be quietly and gently distributed during the ceremonies. People would have the choice to read it, or not read it. It would simply acknowledge that these discussions have been taking place. And it could also offer some suggestions as to what kinds of coping strategies we all have found helpful. It doesn't have to be outright negative or outright positive; we would just be acknowledging and supportive of people's pain, and also their desires to reconnect with old friends at the Closing Ceremonies, to heal, and to move on.
We have to do something that keeps our power in our hands. And terrible abuses did occur at GCC; our stories are real and true. It may have taken us decades to disclose these stories, but the truth is out now.
... In the late 70's, there was a poster in the girl's dorm that read "The truth shall set you free." |
jes_noonan
Member
Username: jes_noonan
Post Number: 91
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 74.105.220.14
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 11:00 pm: |
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Strength: I'm making the decision to keep the closing at gcc strictly a re-uniting with old friends one last time as a group situation. I think that there is a time and a place for everything and I'm not sure that handing out a letter would really be the best idea at that time. Having said that, I don't want to dicourage you from carrying through with...I just don't want to involve myself.
For what it's worth as far as discretion goes, be wary that in all likelyhood there are current staff members at the school who are reading these posts.
"The truth shall set you free". Believe that. |
strength
New member
Username: strength
Post Number: 4
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 69.156.58.143
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 28, 2007 - 11:44 pm: |
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Okay, Jes. I respect your input. And if most of the others feel as you do, then that's all I need to let this idea go. Actually, I would be relieved to do so. I too like the idea of having fun, reuniting with old buddies, and then saying a final good-bye.
But I still have this nagging feeling that something should be done or said (in the most gentle and dignified of ways) to acknowledge what went on there. The fun and games of the closing ceremonies will feel so wrong. GCC was a place of pain, real pain, for many people.
I'll work on letting go of this. I really will. And yes, the truth shall set me free. |
strength
New member
Username: strength
Post Number: 5
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 69.156.58.143
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 29, 2007 - 12:00 am: |
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Hi again. I just decided not to go to the Closing Ceremonies. The things that happened at GCC were corrupt and abusive. I'm going to decline the invitation, and tell GCC why I have made this decision.
In the last hour, I realized that hearing that GCC is "closing its doors" was like hearing about the death of an abuser whom nobody has ever confronted. Its the most profound sense of loss and grief. Loss of opportunity for justice, and grief for the lives of precious teenagers ensnared and powerless.
The scientist in me (I am a science professor by occupation) rails against my admitting this, but I have to say that the school is haunted by the young lives that were tortured there. How could it not be? |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 137
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 64.187.49.3
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 29, 2007 - 12:37 am: |
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Hey Strength,
I feel what you are saying in your last post.. I too have posted about the school being haunted and tainted and wonder what kind of energy will be there once all of us and them are gone.
I feel what you are saying about the death of an abuser as well and it makes sense to me. I felt that way when I heard it was going. To quasi quote a post somebody said (somewhere on here), about "ding dong the witch is dead".... I like that and as I leave that weekend I likely will be singing that lil ditty.
I have had a long enough time to process and I am glad that I am going. I will look at the hallow grounds as I leave, cry my tears and then hopefully finally be able to have peace.
I know they are reading the posts as Jes has suggested and I expect it to be tense as well. But, I am hoping liberating too.... And, I hope they know it is not necessarily for them that most of us are coming... it is for our friends and our own healing.... |
certavi_et_vici
Member
Username: certavi_et_vici
Post Number: 55
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 71.178.119.52
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 29, 2007 - 12:39 am: |
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Strength,
I do hope you will reconsider and come to the closing ceremony. I would very much like to meet you, if I do not know you already. There will also be alternative gatherings away from the school property that may interest you.
In my opinion the school is cursed. It bares the scars of the abuse that was inflicted on people in the name of God by clergy and people claiming to be Christians. |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 138
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 64.187.49.3
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 29, 2007 - 1:20 am: |
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certavi_et_vici:
Sometimes in order for me to comphrehend, I have to think in similies and metaphors and I visualize and sometimes it is good and sometimes it is bad. The word cursed, ... you chose the right word and it makes me see so many horrid things and imagine the halls when they are empty and the sounds of crying and yelling and it is like a horror film to me (in my head), but I agree with you.
It is like a bad dream, and the thing is it might end eventually for us, but the energy is still in the building... The new people might need to seek out an exorcist! |
rozpriceenglish
Member
Username: rozpriceenglish
Post Number: 63
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 172.165.56.183
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 29, 2007 - 4:43 am: |
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strength - would you please email me? pricenglish@netscape.com
thank you. |
bettyboop
New member
Username: bettyboop
Post Number: 25
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 12.159.160.218
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 1:33 am: |
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strength -
i'm really impressed by your posts and all that you are putting out there on this thread. i'd love to get in touch with you somehow as your thoughts are mine exactly.
i think for some it is possible to be able to go to the closing, knowing the horrible things you know, and simply say goodbye.
for some, like "strength" and myself, the scars still hurt too much to be able to focus on anything else. if you feel you cannot go to the closing and put on a happy face, do the hug thing, etc. i don't think that's anything to be ashamed of.
That place truly was truly an R-rated horror film. The sad thing is they admitted people much younger than 18. |
hoperules
Junior Member
Username: hoperules
Post Number: 32
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 74.98.217.186
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 2:13 am: |
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strength/bettyboob -
I agree. Wondering about the state of one's emotional health is not something to he ashamed of. Not everyone is ready to face their demons and to be truthful, I'm not sure I am either. I honestly believe that whether you are coming with others that share your same fear or are on your own, someone will be there to support you or accept your emotions and support you. Seeking people out from this board should be relatively easy. We may be from different times, but the pain we feel is the closely same or at least at different stages of healing.
I have no clue what's going to happen with me driving up to the gates. It can't be worse than meeting my birth mother a month or so ago and having to force myself up the elevator a bunch of times! I had it together until I pushed that arrow pointing to the sky. Were adults now, we have that option of pushing the arrow that points to the gates!
I too am trying to figure out how I'll react. As Breaker said, having an understanding hand to hold should be reassurance enough. I have to think "strength" is in numbers.
Plus, I think with people are meeting off campus, there is no doubt much will be discussed to some extent, while reconnecting with our fellow alumni both ex-staff and students. Those that want to discuss, can and will and those that want to simply reconnect can and will.
I have to laugh...on Facebook they are calling it the GCC Closing Celebration. For once we all have something truly to celebrate!!! |
sorry_wrong_number
New member
Username: sorry_wrong_number
Post Number: 9
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.141.16.97
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 9:10 am: |
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The gates...the lions...the signs....the dining room...all of these and others will be what are called "triggers". The physical space will trigger emotional memories that are very real and in some cases very painful.
We all have to make a very personal and hard decision as to whether we feel "up" to going or not. For me...knowing that there will be people attending who participate on this forum will make it easier for me...but I don't doubt for a minute that I won't expereince some pretty intense emotions while driving up through the gates. The difference now is that I am an adult and NO ONE has any power over me now...not like then.
hoperules said...we have strength in numbers...I couldn't agree more.
breaker: I know I will have more than my fair share of tears, but this whole process has been so cathartic that I honestly believe it will be a form of closure for a lot of us. |
sorry_wrong_number
New member
Username: sorry_wrong_number
Post Number: 11
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.141.16.97
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 9:53 am: |
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I had to post this, it is one of my favourite quotes:
Whenever I despair, I remember that the way of truthand love has always won. There may be tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they may seem invincible,
but in the end, they always fail. Think of it:
always. - Mahatma Gandhi |
questiongrrl
New member
Username: questiongrrl
Post Number: 10
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 69.156.76.48
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 10:17 am: |
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"In the last hour, I realized that hearing that GCC is "closing its doors" was like hearing about the death of an abuser whom nobody has ever confronted. Its the most profound sense of loss and grief."
strength - you have truly captured my feelings on this subject. thanks so much for this contribution, it has really helped me to articulate my own sense of loss. |
spain
New member
Username: spain
Post Number: 17
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 69.204.218.39
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 10:39 am: |
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talking about triggers: I left in 1999 - then went back in 2001 for a wedding of a friend. I could barely make it thru the service in the chapel - then had to leave the DR (where the reception was) after just a few minutes - I felt sick to my stomach - too many horrible memories. My husband and I left immediately and went to visit some friends - which helped a lot.
Strength expressed it perfectly - the death of an abuser whom no one confronted... |
jes_noonan
Member
Username: jes_noonan
Post Number: 92
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 67.70.18.204
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 10:53 am: |
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Following along the idea of "triggers",I was thinking about this last night as I lay in bed:
Travelling back to GCC from any given break sitting on the bus, I vividly recall that first glimpse of the illuminated cross sitting high atop the school from a distance and being filled with angst. This feeling would grow stronger as the cross grew brighter. It always seemed to peak as I would walk back into the familiar cold, dull fluorescent lighting of the boys dorm. It was almost as though that was the gate in which I crossed from the realm of idealism into the realm of realism. I had left the life as I wished it and entered life as I knew it....again.
The image of that cross against the blackness of night was something I had not thought about in a long time. I don't think that I've ever considered the symbolic value of it until last night... |
jes_noonan
Member
Username: jes_noonan
Post Number: 93
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 67.70.18.204
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 12:15 pm: |
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I was just re-reading my post and another thought of symbolism crossed my mind:
The pay phones in the boys dorm and more importantly by the new gym (the payphone in the boys dorm was immediately adjacent to the Dean's apartment - you had to watch what you said for fear of being overheard). Of all the things in the world, the pay phones.
They represented so many things to me from an emotional standpoint. I remember conversations I had with my Mom on them, begging to go to another school with the answer being no. Disappointment. I remember talking to her about hating where I was. Soothing and comforting. I remember talking to my brother. Happiness and yet jealous that he didn't have to endure what I was enduring; he was living the life that I wanted. I remember her telling me one evening that a child who lived on my street and that I used to play with had been hit by a car and was going to die. I felt so disassociated and removed from what I used to know.
I suppose my point is that the pay phones represented my only real form of connecting to where I really wanted to be and allowed me short periods of time to somewhat forget where I was.
Friggin pay phones. Who knew. |
tomrossini
Junior Member
Username: tomrossini
Post Number: 26
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.230.9.226
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 1:41 pm: |
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I agree with you about the cross that sat high above GCC being a strong symbol. But I must say there were other strong symbols there.
1)The lions by the front gate - as if you were entering the lions den and the gate behind you locked you inside.
2)Flag Pole - the one thing that truly represented all of us
3)The Dinner Bell - that damn dinner bell. I so want that bell the one that hung behind FF. |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 139
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.141.77.179
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 2:26 pm: |
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hoperules:
Hi, I was wondering if you could ctct me personally. I want to talk with you about something outside this forum. You mentioned meeting your natural mother.... I too am adopted and have been thinking about meeting my natural mother...
We have shared enough here, and built bonds... If you are comfortable with it... I would so welcome it.
yours sincerely,
Liane...
lianeross@porchlight.ca |
quietgrl
New member
Username: quietgrl
Post Number: 5
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.226.102.190
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 11:02 pm: |
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Wow...glad I read this post... I have been feeling exactly like many of you... I am really torn about going... I am totally concerned about triggers while there...
I guess if anyone who is there sees someone having a hard time... perhaps we could quietly give that person strength... I think the day is about old friends... not old staff... but that may be a hard thing to keep straight when in the moment...
Personally, I am not worried about confronting someone...I am worried that I will cry, feel ill or otherwise look like I have " a bad attitude" about the event...
If we are all mindful of what others may be feeling.. we can probably help each other. |
spain
New member
Username: spain
Post Number: 19
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 69.204.218.39
| | Posted on Thursday, August 30, 2007 - 11:32 pm: |
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very good point, quietgrl. Instead of having to worry about the "authorities", everyone can care for each other, be aware in a kind way and help each other thru the tough moments. |
hoperules
Junior Member
Username: hoperules
Post Number: 33
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 74.98.217.186
| | Posted on Friday, August 31, 2007 - 12:31 am: |
|
Even if no tears, I think the emotion will be written all over our faces. It's not hard to see, if you know how it feels. I have no doubt we'll be able to seek each other out and quietly stand beside each other and ask if they're okay. A glance and a smile would suffice. It's scary but I have to think, getting over this hump will somewhat put the demons in the past, having confronted many of them on this future date. As much as I hate it, I am looking forward to it and hopefully proving to myself that I can "move on" or at least progress further into the healing process.
It's all simple enough to say...just be reassured that you aren't alone and I'll be keeping my eyes open ;) |
former_gcc_grl
New member
Username: former_gcc_grl
Post Number: 23
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 64.231.84.58
| | Posted on Friday, August 31, 2007 - 1:25 am: |
|
talking of triggers...what i always remember most when coming back from a trip home was the smell in the dining room...i can still put myself back there, at the table early in the morning crying...that smell was what always hit me as "i'm back here"...i dunno, maybe that's weird but it's what strikes me...i haven't decided for sure yet if i'm going to the closing, i'm very torn, but if i decide to go i will be easy to recognize, i'm sure i'll be the one in the bushes throwing up... |
wagener84
Member
Username: wagener84
Post Number: 51
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 68.151.117.98
| | Posted on Friday, August 31, 2007 - 1:49 am: |
|
I am convinced that if we all stick together and comfort each other..this event will provide the inner healing we all have sought for such a very long time. Yes, there is no denying that there will be difficult and heart-wrenching moments, but the reward at the end of it all will be peace within our souls. I am no psycologist but if you are suffering deeply from your GCC experience, this would be the event to attend. |
hoperules
Junior Member
Username: hoperules
Post Number: 35
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 74.98.217.186
| | Posted on Friday, August 31, 2007 - 2:03 am: |
|
Mike, you are brilliant. I can't agree more.
former_gcc_frl, I can't help but crack up about pucking in the bushes. Me too! Puke, cry and go home. I can feel my stomach turning driving that stretch with school in sight and slowly progressing to the gates. All I can say is bring your paper bag. Puke on the way. Scope swish and progress to the people you want to see. Once you get out of the car it won't be so bad. Maybe arrange for people to meet you on site or before the gates so you can go together. It's a hard time, but it doesn't have to be an entirely bad time. Maybe they should supply barf bags on campus just incase as I'm sure we aren't the only ones. ;) |
former_gcc_grl
New member
Username: former_gcc_grl
Post Number: 24
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 64.231.84.126
| | Posted on Friday, August 31, 2007 - 5:19 am: |
|
hoperules...that's a great idea, byobb (bring your own barf bag)it definately helps to know who's going to be there and i also think it's a nice idea to have a meeting place set up on campus, kinda like having a united front prepared...or perhaps meeting in the lobby of the hotel before hand for those who are staying there...another part of my hesitation is worrying i'll go and not recognize the people from this site and it'll be like trying to scope out "friendlies" amongst the enemy...lol |
dream_truth
Junior Member
Username: dream_truth
Post Number: 43
Registered: 3-2006
Posted From: 72.45.165.10
| | Posted on Saturday, September 01, 2007 - 2:58 am: |
|
We should just hold a closing celebration somewhere else. Anyone in? |
bettyboop
Junior Member
Username: bettyboop
Post Number: 31
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 68.83.133.87
| | Posted on Saturday, September 01, 2007 - 5:11 am: |
|
I'm in! |
sheilac
Junior Member
Username: sheilac
Post Number: 34
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.54.17.221
| | Posted on Saturday, September 01, 2007 - 12:26 pm: |
|
Jes, how well I remember that dreadful sinking feeling of seeing the "neon" cross (as I thought of it then) atop the school as we came back from breaks and wondering what fresh horrors awaited.
I remember having to sing the GCC song as the bus drove up the lane.
"Grenville Christian College
Our second home
We will be faithful
Wherever we may roam
From here to Timbuktu
Grenville Christian College
Stout-hearted we
With Jesus our Captain
We're marching to victory"
Ugh--I feel a lil' sick right now myself.... |
priest_of_satan
New member
Username: priest_of_satan
Post Number: 3
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 74.114.251.86
| | Posted on Saturday, September 01, 2007 - 1:53 pm: |
|
Wow....I am going just for the potential of fireworks now...before I was looking forward to seeing people I like, respect and would like to reconnect with. Aside from the Staff-kids - anyone who allowed themselves to be brainwashed...ALLOWED THEMSELVES TO BE BRAINWASHED!!!! And did not learn how to play the GCC game - get involved in something like sports, plays SOMETHING!! I was in trouble 24/7 and I was to blame...learned slowly - Light sessions, D all the time....yadda-yadda-yadda - I finally figured out how to go to school do what was asked of me...maybe people should be more peeved at their parents for dumping them off - my mother was a single parent that did everything she thought was in my best interest - including sending me to GCC - summer camp all year round.
The staff kids were put through hell - everyone else...welcome to life baby!!! Anyone telling me that the corporate world isn't a creep, seedy, boy's club kind of world?
Mike W. see you there
Shelia get your butt there!!
BTW - the "Priest of Satan" lable was given to me by FF - hahahahahaha love that moniker <sp?>
I'll be on the basketball court for old time sake - sound like I haven't made any friends on here - just my oppinion.
Cheers,
Jason Price GCC alum 83-88 |
staff_kid_survivor
New member
Username: staff_kid_survivor
Post Number: 8
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 64.230.95.229
| | Posted on Saturday, September 01, 2007 - 2:38 pm: |
|
Priest of Satan! FF called you that!?!!! I am laughing out loud! That's horrible and hilarious at the same time. I appreciate what you just wrote. You are so right. I went to school with you - I'll never forget slipping on the wet floor you had just mopped while you were on D..and my kilt went flying up around my head. Still one of my most embarassing memories. I'll be at the closing ceremonies and we'll have to catch up.
BG |
sheilac
Junior Member
Username: sheilac
Post Number: 37
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.54.19.144
| | Posted on Saturday, September 01, 2007 - 2:45 pm: |
|
I'm glad that you have a positive attitude about all the crazy •••• that went down, Jas (Lord love ya, ya Priest of Satan! :p) but it doesn't change the fact that it was dead WRONG!
I mean really, while it is darkly humourous (in that special gallows Grenville way) that Farnsworth called you a "Priest of Satan" does anyone really think that this is something an educator, man-of-the-cloth and spiritual counseller should say to a--what? 16 year old boy?
As for going to the closing ceremonies, while I'd love to hook up with you and so many others who I like and respect very much, well, I doubt I exactly have an engraved invite after all this. Lol!! |
87expellee
New member
Username: 87expellee
Post Number: 5
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 66.78.122.247
| | Posted on Saturday, September 01, 2007 - 2:50 pm: |
|
I went to school with most of you. Sheila, I'm going (though not for dinner) and I really was the POS... lol
Please don't let them rob of this also... |
87expellee
New member
Username: 87expellee
Post Number: 6
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 66.78.122.247
| | Posted on Saturday, September 01, 2007 - 2:51 pm: |
|
I went to school with most of you. Sheila, I'm going (though not for dinner) and I really was the POS... lol
Please don't let them rob you of this also... |
quietgrl
New member
Username: quietgrl
Post Number: 11
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.226.102.190
| | Posted on Sunday, September 02, 2007 - 5:07 pm: |
|
Has anyone thought of a quiet moment together? I have not read all the posts... it gets too much for me... I have spoken to some about this idea and don;t know if they have posted...
But just a moment not in your face or confrontational... just symbolic... show of support for each other ... and a recognition of the other side of the event...ie we are not all there to celebrate a great history... but to find peace...
I was thinking of something like ... a set time... everyone holds hands around the flag pole... a moment of silence... and then go on with the day... (flaky ... I know... if anyone has a better idea... or if you all think it is a terrible idea... feel free to post... I have pretty tough skin... smile) |
quietgrl
New member
Username: quietgrl
Post Number: 12
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.226.102.190
| | Posted on Sunday, September 02, 2007 - 5:09 pm: |
|
This could be a statement of solidarity.. and support of one another.. a quiet protest to what happened to us... |
vancouver
New member
Username: vancouver
Post Number: 1
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 154.5.186.89
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 2:29 am: |
|
Hi- new guy here. Boarder from 91-93. I've been reading the strings pretty thoroughly since learning about them in the G&M yesterday. I wanted to post earlier, but had to set up a FN account. I was so relieved and yeah, even excited to learn I wasn't the only one with a horror story about GCC that I practically wrote a book for jes_noonan on facebook. I just wanted to say that I find you people amazing and strong and good - everything that wasn't in my own experience at GCC. I was dumped at GCC by my mom- pretty much abandoned because she couldn't deal with me. Because of that I was angry, hate-filled and distant to pretty much everyone around me at the school - good and bad. And that was before they got their claws into me. I recognize a lot of names and handles here, and and while you may not recognize me, please know that I wish you all well and hope for the best for you. My name's Chris, class of '93. |
still_standing
New member
Username: still_standing
Post Number: 1
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 74.99.129.19
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 8:51 am: |
|
FF was just as much of a fool as FH.....the difference was the sparkle that would gleam from FF's eyes when he was punishing someone. Remember the memories but use the time spent in hell/GCC to move on in your lives......I went there in the early 80's and like many played the system then I confronted FF and told him what I thought of the school and all the BS......Yes I got punishment but it was worth it. I learned that you have to push back.....that they were small minded and pathetic and although I hated my time there..it shaped me into a mauch stronger person than I was when I entered.
What is amazing me is that no one is mentioning Mrs. Farnsworth or Mrs. Haig..what a collection of hags!!.......they were more evil than the men and you could tell by the way they drapped themselves over their chairs in the dining hall what the day would turn into.......
All I want now is the chance to tell FF and FH what I think of them and their abuse......give me a chance to put the fear of GOd in them |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 159
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.141.77.179
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 10:04 am: |
|
Hi still_standing,
I would have been there with you... Funny what we remember! I know Mrs. Haig was a Hag and have posted about how I dreaded her. So many many postings and so long ago. I don't have too much fear memories Mrs. F.
Get in tuch with me Stil_Standing... if you like...
lianeross@porchlight.ca |
tabby1979
Junior Member
Username: tabby1979
Post Number: 32
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.69.121.31
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 10:36 am: |
|
Hi Vancouver, glad to see you on board. I am sure every student that ever attended there has lots of horror stories to tell and am glad you are here to share your thoughts. |
tabby1979
Junior Member
Username: tabby1979
Post Number: 33
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.69.121.31
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 10:44 am: |
|
Hi Still Standing - I remember Mrs H. and Mrs. F. However, Mrs. H. was more than a hag...I don't even want to say what I think of her on here. She was sooo two faced about alot of things...she was always after us about wearing too much make up and how we dressed...and she wore the most make up of any of the females on staff and was always dressed up in tights sweaters and skirts! I can remember listening to her speeches in the chapel which seemed to go on and on... it was horrible eh |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 162
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.141.77.179
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 10:48 am: |
|
Morning all,
When we talk about triggers... This day for me was a trigger in the day. Knowing all my friends were going to school tomorrow, and I had a week left to try and compose myself, sew my name in my underwear and MENTALLY prepare. Find my smile, convince myself I had to find something in this
school year to bury myself in. Worry about what roomies I was going to get, what floor of Murry Hall I would be on and which staff was going to dog me this year. The MH floor thing might seem odd to some of you...but to me, I wanted the first floor, the out of the way room in the front. I felt like where you were in the dorm and what ladies lived on that floor were a sign as to what your life would be like that year. Hard to explain I know... First floor was tiny rooms and less people and that was more comforting to me. Wondering whose table I would have to sit at and hoping it was someone I knew so I would not have to learn something new off the bat. Wondering who was coming back and how much they had changed over the summer.
They say death has a smell...Well for me GCC has a smell... something completely undescriable ...unless you have smelled it. And, I would dread that. I think it smells like fear and trepedation and I am sure death is in there some where, death of spirit maybe.
The landmarks on the drive on hwy 2, the mental hospital, the old age home... and then in the near distance, the cross and the gates of despair. The lions swallowed you as soon as you turned into the long huge driveway....
A lil maudlin, morbid even..... Sorry... But my worst trigger is Labour Day... |
kingofbrockville
New member
Username: kingofbrockville
Post Number: 1
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 209.161.227.182
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 11:17 am: |
|
I atteneded for a few years in the early 1990's. I have been reading these posts for the last week and thinking about it. I had not thought about Grenville Concentration Camp or its members Turbo, Ace, 3 prong,etc in over 10 years. What was funnier than the names we came up with for the place or its staff?
One of the things that has been missed here was we were a pile of screw ups. Many staff couldn't survive on the outside world and hid behind the Grenville gates. Many students had criminal history or problems at school(me included) and our parents did what they felt was best to help us. You take people with problems and offer a solution. Hitler did it with the Jews and Blacks, Farnsworth did it with God. Lay blame and then provide a solution. The bottom line was the administration manipulated relgion to fill their agenda. They were insure and fearful and abusived there power in order to hold on to it. The system said it all. FF and the McNeils at the front on a raised platform with everyone else under them. Just thinking of the sermon he gave about ••••••••. Why would you use the Lords name in vain. We walked around for weeks says Satan damn. Anyhow, FF called the shots and we all knew it. Anyone who stood up to him student or staff ended in a lousy position, whether on D, scrubbing pots, or constatnly being 'talked too'.
Grenville has given us all many good things but took many things away and didn't equip us for the next stage in life. I remember walking into a party the first week of University with alcolhol and drugs thinking I had pretty much missed this. I was not socially equiped for the next stage of life.
On the school closing, I am of missed emotions. I remember Tom Houston when he got expelled saying the only way he would come back was with a gun. I guess he got his last laugh. I met some great people some of whom continue to be my closest friend today. I think Grenville started out with a fairly pure idea and as it evolved it got scued. How could staff who were making nothing be comfortable with King Charles F driving a Cadillac. He then stood up in front of the whole school and told us he had it because it was a safe car. I remember asking him about this and earning myself a few hours on the pot sink. My mom was safe in a Chevy and he wasn't!
In conclusion, it was a long time ago for me and many people posting on here. This has broght up many long forgotten emotions and memories. I encourage you to keep the good and use the bad to remember how to treat others. I think relgion is a great thing but I will not go into a Church. I have missed friends wedding and as my children get older I have to overcome my issues to let them make there own decision about religion. |
still_standing
New member
Username: still_standing
Post Number: 2
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 74.99.129.19
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 12:36 pm: |
|
I remember one particular Pentacost and it was a doosy ..speaking in tongues and expelling demons, healing hands.........and all I could think of was this is no Christian institution but a freak show........I remember the fear running through the student body and it was either studyhall or chruch.......unfortunatly I had a morbid curisoity and sunk into the balcony to watch the show.......needless to say my laughter gave me away. what was to follow was typical GCC punishment. What always struck me was the students that weren't strong enough to fight back for themselves..and the stress we'd get for trying to protect others didn't always help.
There are so many memories.of a specific headmaster with his hand up my skirt telling me that I seduced men with my eyes and that I possed a danger to the boys at the school.....Ironicly his wife was sitting right beside him at the time..giving me her nasty looks..........Ah well be thankful for small mercies that I wasn't alone with the creep.
What I have learned through the past is how strong I am......how I am capable of more than I look. GCC didn't beat me and I am still standing. TO those of you still dealing with the nightmares.have faith they will eventually subside, mine did. All the memories and reading all the postings have brought it all back in vibrant colour. time to breathe.....and reflect. |
sheilac
Junior Member
Username: sheilac
Post Number: 49
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.54.16.129
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 12:51 pm: |
|
I remember being told by a certain headmaster that I was "nothing but a piece of meat" and no man would ever consider me differently because I was a "Black Widow" who lured men into her trap. That was what sex education at Grenville consisted of: Women: Black Widows, pieces of meat, Men: Stoopid and easily corrupted. |
still_standing
New member
Username: still_standing
Post Number: 3
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 74.99.129.19
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 1:02 pm: |
|
Well we won't go into the whole men are easily corrupted topic as that could fill way too much space.  My thoughts are all over the ironies of faith vs. the secular world..GCC blurred the lines between right and wrong...at 15/16 my experiences of the world were not suffeicent to stand up then and tell them otherwise........ |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 165
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.141.77.179
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 2:12 pm: |
|
King of brockville,
I hear ya on the being ill-equipped for the next stage of life. We had no fawking social skills as I mentioned before... smile for the yr book camera, look all pretty for some Govenor General visiting, and manners, yea we had them. But, boys were frightening and more frightening yet was how we could hurt boys... As a girl I could hurt a boy, ruin his rep! Take away his future??
No offense to the boys on here...(men). But that is a crock of TURD.
Growing up my mom had me afraid at home that boys would take advantage of me, give me a rep. Although my mother shared GCC's views on sex and realtionships... I got so many mixed msgs.. At home I had to be weary a boy would hurt me. At GCC I had to be weary I could hurt a boy... I was confused. As stated before I am no rocket scientist and certainly no honour roll grad ...But, that was a conundrum!
The years roll on... settle down get married, start behaving like a woman and not a child. Buy a house, two car garage etc... Now you want me to have kids?? Screw that, I am outta here, bolted like a theif in the night. Ended up in a wee bit of trouble, partying,booze, drugs... unsatisfying relationships... Always searching, always trying to figure out what I missed, how I got here. What is it that is wrong with me. Why the fear, trepedation, un available emotions, Why so unable to trust? Why I grasped others emotions and not my own. Always feeling abandoned, and un loved. Always trying to please, afraid somebody was always mad at me. Scared I would be a dissapointment. And terribly afraid of God, probably the one enity who could help me save myself. Constantly putting on false bravodo and afraid that real me was never good enough.
I rant, I apologize... But, this is where I was not so long ago..
Unequipped, ill -prepared for life, and so very sheltered from the real world.... Real Life responsibility. Afraid to ask questions, because that would state I was stupit, that would give someone another chance to try and control me. Afraid somebody else might get the upper hand... and too afraid to show you the real me because that would show you how wrong I was, how much correction I needed. What a heathen and a loser I was.... |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 166
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.141.77.179
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 2:16 pm: |
|
Still Standing,
I have so many vivid memroies of that Pentacost.. I dream about that to this day... I was sooooo scared, but I was a bit younger than you at the time. I remember the speaking in toungues, the staf rolling in a seizure like state in the chapel ailses. I remember them running up and down the drive shouting Praise the Lord, I love Jesus and all of that. It was a Saturday Night before Easter and no family night that night. And,the next year they started the grape and water diet. |
tabby1979
Junior Member
Username: tabby1979
Post Number: 38
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.69.121.31
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 2:40 pm: |
|
Hi Still Standing and Breaker I too remember that Pentacost....all I can still hearing them chanting and talking in tongues and carrying on and all I could think of, how long is this absurdity going to last and trying to think of other things than listen to what was going on around me. I remember that grape and water diet too, although correct me if I am wrong, but was that diet for the staff or did the whole school have to do it --- I can't remember --- again probably tried to block it over the years. |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 168
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.141.77.179
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 2:43 pm: |
|
staff only |
gcc_1981_grad
New member
Username: gcc_1981_grad
Post Number: 7
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.48.65.37
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 3:03 pm: |
|
I have been reading the posts on this site. It is becoming clear to me that a lot of the items that I am reading are bringing up a lot of memories of the place - in fact I am getting a clearer picture of all that happened while I was there. Images like the colour of the dinning room carpet - the vegetable gardens, the lions at the head of the drive way (they were a gift from our yes '81 by the way), the stare cases, the walking to chapel at night the talks after breakfast - all of these images are coming back to me.., I find that I do not enjoy these images and ideas.., at the same time I cannot stop reading the posts on FACTnet - it is like watching a car crash - I know that it is not a good thing, but I cannot pull myself away from it. I want to go for help - I do not know where to go or what to do. I just helplessly read and remember more and more. I have a feeling that if I keep up this intensity of reading and commenting that I will be remember my experiences during the talk sessions that I was involved with - the words that were said in quiet prayers around me, or the corrections. I am not sure that this is something that should be done on a web site. I am wondering if any others are experience a similar reaction to all of this? |
tmw
Junior Member
Username: tmw
Post Number: 42
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.49.85.240
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 3:16 pm: |
|
I remember the grape diet and water diet.......
As memory severs me, students had the option of participating. I don't think any did though. |
tmw
Junior Member
Username: tmw
Post Number: 43
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.49.85.240
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 3:21 pm: |
|
gcc_1981_grad
in short, yes I felt the same way. The difference between us is I had retained alot of the memories. When I started reading all I could think was Thank God.....I'm not really crazy, time has not distorted my memory, it really did happen the way I remember it happening |
gcc_1981_grad
New member
Username: gcc_1981_grad
Post Number: 8
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.48.65.37
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 3:23 pm: |
|
No I do not think students were allowed to participate.
I remember some wanted to - there may have been a special case - but as a rule - grape fast was only for staff |
tabby1979
Junior Member
Username: tabby1979
Post Number: 39
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.69.121.31
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 3:40 pm: |
|
gcc_1981_grad - for me, I find it emotionally draining - reading all these posts of what went on during the earlier years...although it has helped me because when I left the school, I just shoved those memories in the back of my head and perhaps did not deal with it effectively as I could have at the time and therefore that is why I find it emotionally draining. However, over time, I have come to terms with it, but it does bring up horrible memories and although it may not have happened in the same way, or same form, it happened and I really feel for those who had it much worse than I did. Although it may be hard for some of us to read these stories, it is also good for the storyteller to get it off his/her chest and to be real for once about their feelings. |
gcc_1981_grad
New member
Username: gcc_1981_grad
Post Number: 9
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 70.48.65.37
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 3:55 pm: |
|
Thanks for your post tabby1979 (i think we may know each other) I was at GCC from 79-81. I agree with the power of telling your story and found that I was overcome with emotion when I read the Globe and Mail. Shortly after that, I wrote my story on a page of this site. Writing the story was a good thing for me to do. Even though these things happened to me 25 years ago. I felt as though I was finally able to write my story without judgment. A lot of "stuff" that I have been dealing with privately almost on a daily basis has been given a voice in public and that does feel very good - very good... and sickening at the same time. It is good to know that I am not alone with these thoughts. I know that I have huge issues with large groups meeting to discuss the inner life of each other (perhaps a result of my experience at GCC) I also have issues with talking about my inner life privately - I just naturally high tail it out of circumstances that place me in a situation that asks me to express myself. It is an odd situation for me to be in. I am wondering if any others have the same experience. And if so, does anyone have a way to deal with it? |
bettyboop
Junior Member
Username: bettyboop
Post Number: 36
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 69.205.224.127
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 4:05 pm: |
|
81 grad and others -
I'm completely with you on the amount of repressed memories this has kicked up. I was there for a long time, and I remember a great many details. However, these articles, etc. have unleashed a new level of even more disturbing memories.
I have no shame in saying that I have had weekly therapy sessions since leaving gcc. They really have saved my life. The bottom line is that dealing with some of these memories and coming to terms with this kind of abuse can be bigger than what this forum can handle (as wonderful as this forum is).
I believe there are some therapists who have experience helping victims of cult abuse listed on another section of factnet. I don't have alot of money, so I haven't been able to see a cult specialist or expensive psychiatrist, but the therapist i do see has still been an incredible help to me.
One thing I am often reminded of in my sessions is that I did nothing wrong to deserve that abuse. It really helps to have someone listen and aid you in sorting through all of the complex emotions. |
bettyboop
Junior Member
Username: bettyboop
Post Number: 37
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 69.205.224.127
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 4:08 pm: |
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Quietgrl wrote: Has anyone thought of a quiet moment together? I have not read all the posts... it gets too much for me... I have spoken to some about this idea and don;t know if they have posted...
But just a moment not in your face or confrontational... just symbolic... show of support for each other ... and a recognition of the other side of the event...ie we are not all there to celebrate a great history... but to find peace...
I was thinking of something like ... a set time... everyone holds hands around the flag pole... a moment of silence... and then go on with the day... (flaky ... I know... if anyone has a better idea... or if you all think it is a terrible idea... feel free to post... I have pretty tough skin... smile)"
I really like this idea. |
bettyboop
Junior Member
Username: bettyboop
Post Number: 38
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 69.205.224.127
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 4:24 pm: |
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still_standing: i found your story especially sad and disturbing. i'm so sorry you endured all of that. thank you for your bravery in sharing. |
wagener84
Member
Username: wagener84
Post Number: 59
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 68.151.117.98
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 4:38 pm: |
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I am very disturbed when I hear of allegations of sexual interference by FF. With all the fire and brimstone speeches we heard about the evils of sexuality, homosexuality, etc. it absolutely burns me up to hear that he engaged in inappropriate touching. Its disgusting that these people in authority who felt "annointed" by God believed that it was ok for them to engage in such conduct. First, Cay Andersen's own son has confirmed that his mother engaged in sexual relations with her "spiritual" partner Judy Sorenson. Now we all hear from several different people that FF had engaged in sexual touching with female students while listening to their sexually related confessions. Hypocracy at its finest. I don't care how old he is, the man needs to be investigated and prosecuted. Any female students who were touched inappropriately by Charles Farnsworth should seriously consider filing statements with the OPP-Brockville Detachment. I know its difficult and painful but I believe justice must be served. |
still_standing
New member
Username: still_standing
Post Number: 4
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 74.99.129.19
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 4:53 pm: |
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Thank you for the lovely thoughts.I am a survivor and although I have worse memories than what I have shared for some reason it has not touched me as deeply as it has others. I am good if not in the best place I have been in 20+ years. Grenville taught me to stand up...to confront..to not accept injustice and mostly to fight!!! Fight for what I believe in. I worry over the many who are so scarred by this.......right now I am simply reeeling from re-living old memories, the nightmares had faded and seeing a face down a long hallway with the possibilities of what might happen as I walk towards the door to face whom are finally gone.
Funny thing, a couple of months ago my Mother went to a dinner where Mary Haig was a guest, my poor Mother who is not a person who confronts was devestated as she was un-prepared to face the MONSTER. She said that she knew without a doubt I would have taken her to task. Oh for the opportunity to have done so.
At the end of the day the thing is to feel safe enough to tell your story to those who will not judge, to those who have walked the same path....and at the end of the day have the wisdom to help you move on. I would be happy to help whomever I can................. |
still_standing
New member
Username: still_standing
Post Number: 5
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 74.99.129.19
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 5:00 pm: |
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It wasn't whom you think.........and if it had gone any futher it would have been common knowlege amoungst the students as apparently you were there at the same time as me.....(I believe in my class). I was not a weak girl. I was more shocked by it than anything else........since I am unafraid of whatever may come my way......I was called Sandie Lamb then and today it is something that is just memory, and nothing more |
jc19801983
New member
Username: jc19801983
Post Number: 6
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 69.156.56.198
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 6:18 pm: |
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wow
i can relate to the post about the pay phones
i had forgotten about that
i remember phoning my mom and bawling cause i wanted to come home.
k
i'll finish reading the rest of the page now!!! |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 177
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.141.77.179
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 11:14 pm: |
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Hi all,
Again thank you for your honesty... I feel like TMW, I am so glad I am not crazy...gcc 1981, I appreciate how sooooooo overwhelming it is... It is a car wreck, and I hear you on the images, the smells that come flooding back. So many have commented when they found the site they poured over it for days... it is something that we do. It is normal and natural...dont hurt yourself though!
Like TMW I have a good memory, and recall dates times and what people were wearing. I think sometimes it is good...if you ever need an eye wittness... I am your woman. Sometimes though it is hard as it haunts me all the time. I have repressed a couple of things... But not much.
Gcc 1981, thank you for sharing about how you feel in crowds or having to give someone personal information. I for one am like that. I think it is a trust issue... you wonder who can use it against you.... or how you might feel your feelings will be corrected and somebody will tell you how to feel. It has taken me all this time in my life to begin to open up. and, I hear you it is soooooo scarey..... |
breaker_19_girl
Intermediate Member
Username: breaker_19_girl
Post Number: 189
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.141.77.179
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 04, 2007 - 3:39 pm: |
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strength,
Hi.... Could you please e-mail me...
lianeross@porchlight.ca |
catter
New member
Username: catter
Post Number: 1
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 142.161.74.204
| | Posted on Monday, September 10, 2007 - 6:14 pm: |
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Just wondering if anyone remembers FF taping their conversations and what might have happened to those tapes? |
cryfreedom
Member
Username: cryfreedom
Post Number: 79
Registered: 6-2006
Posted From: 24.226.27.60
| | Posted on Monday, September 10, 2007 - 7:21 pm: |
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God, that never happened to me(at least I HOPE NOT!!). Did this happen to you at all?? |
edgeandrea
New member
Username: edgeandrea
Post Number: 4
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 74.103.3.94
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 6:18 pm: |
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Wow, no. Really? I am getting the general feeling here that things really deteriorated in the late 80's (I left in 86) FF must have gotten much more aggressive in his approach? While I know of the many hostile, humiliating tear down's that were handed out, some of the things I am hearing from students in 88-93 are really outragious? If there are tapes then they should be destroyed. |
cpv
New member
Username: cpv
Post Number: 1
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 24.226.63.128
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 8:48 pm: |
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I attended GCC for grades 10 and 11 from 87-89. If someone from that time would like to email me, and feel comfortable revealing their identity then please do so couchpotatoe5@hotmail.com
Chris |
cpv
New member
Username: cpv
Post Number: 2
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 24.226.63.128
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 11, 2007 - 8:50 pm: |
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I attended GCC for grades 10 and 11 from 87-89. If someone from that time would like to email me, and feel comfortable revealing their identity then please do so couchpotatoe5@hotmail.com
Chris |
priest_of_satan
Member
Username: priest_of_satan
Post Number: 52
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 74.114.251.86
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 12, 2007 - 3:18 pm: |
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I guess the smart thing to do now is go after all the other "evangelists" out there for being over the top in their beliefs. Billy Graham watch out...
Isn't that a choice...people go to those religous get togethers and not everyone buys into it...that must have been before me time - I heard rumours...there were bizarre references everywhere at GCC - buy them....then you are in, by choice - influenced? Yes. Brainwashed? No-way. I scratched my head at individuals that on their own bought certain messages and decided to go into the life - what the???? I was asked to be the Phys.Ed teacher upon graduation...not for me. Nor did I EVER go near the CofJ - they are the whacko's that got this ball rolling - if you want to kill the snake you've got to lop it off at the head. In my oppinion, the GCC staff bought the CofJ Mother's b.s. and delivered it - Ruth, the poor girl is the best (but worse) example of this...CofJ using GCC to "control", if you have it, a young girl and her future. That is the snakehead - not F Squared. Even when we went to the school the religous references subsided somewhat - Compline 2-3 times/week...wasn't there a morning/during the week service also? Many level headed individuals, guys/girls, I knew bought that crap that was being shoveled on us - and became brothers, sisters etc. YIKES, real people that most would consider VERY normal individuals - out of it now? Maybe, but really who is to blame for those, very personal, and individual choices - The Padre? Nadda....that is a tough answer.
If people proved that the CofJ was behind everything or pulling the strings...and with the way law suits are in the U.S. - I think targetting CofJ would be a wiser more lucrative target. Heck, make a deal with the Padre and go after the real puppet masters. |
stephenklein86
New member
Username: stephenklein86
Post Number: 5
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 130.63.237.59
| | Posted on Monday, September 24, 2007 - 5:56 pm: |
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Shiela - I just read your post regarding the cross on top of the school and that grenville song on the bus. As I read your words, I remembered the song and the hill that we first could see the cross on the school and wishing that I could focus the heat of my anger that moment and destroy the school. It was a my Calvin and Hobbes moment of Calvin in a F14 firing a missle and destroying his school.
When the bus finally stopped in front of the school, I would step out and curse the heavens that I was back.
A teenage fastasy moment remembered. Seems childish now but it is amazing what we can remember with the proper triggers. |
mandatoryfun
New member
Username: mandatoryfun
Post Number: 10
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 99.231.192.193
| | Posted on Thursday, September 27, 2007 - 5:37 pm: |
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Woohoo! <clap clap clap!>
Okay, psyching myself up for this weekend. I've got this weird excited-but-sick-to-my-stomach feeling.
I don't see myself being able to step on campus -- to this day I'm also unable to wear my perfectly good GCC socks, which is ridiculous, but I can't do it. Kinda the same thing.
But I'm still really looking forward to seeing every one of you who is going to make it, and meeting you, and shaking your hand while thinking to myself, "Wow, you get it, don't you? Me too."
If you're on the fence about going, I wanna say that I think this is one of those once-in-a-lifetime things. I picture myself this weekend laughing until I cry at the insanity of it all.
I also can't wait to tell you guys all the bad stuff I did! And hear about your stuff! And hope my stuff wins! I never got on D or got a pin so I may win points for style.
The trek to Brock-vegas begins tonight . . .
(The latest -->) http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/LAC.20070927.GRENVILLE27/TPStory/?query=grenville |
papillon
Member
Username: papillon
Post Number: 63
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 24.40.146.45
| | Posted on Thursday, September 27, 2007 - 8:02 pm: |
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POS, you write: the CofJ - they are the whacko's that got this ball rolling - if you want to kill the snake you've got to lop it off at the head. In my oppinion, the GCC staff bought the CofJ Mother's b.s. and delivered it
I agree. While FF is responsible for a lot of things, the CoJ is very culpable.
(Message edited by papillon on September 27, 2007) |
tiny
New member
Username: tiny
Post Number: 9
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 70.50.215.250
| | Posted on Friday, September 28, 2007 - 10:56 am: |
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I can say categorically that I will NOT be attending any function at GCC. I will not be anywhere where FF
can try to cut through me with his glare. And why the $50? Make it a pot luck or have burgers and dogs, everyone can bring a cooler and finally let loose and have fun there. Maybe some stiff necks can relax a bit too. I had stuffed my feelings and experiences about GCC in a closet in the corner of the basement. All that has been going on lately has not only let them out, but is causing me to relive it. I really thought I had everything under control, I guess I was wrong. I am going to speak to the pastor of the church I attend and try to rid myself of all of this once and for all.
Just like strength, I did speak to my parents about it. After the first year I told them I hated it and never wanted to go back. They asked me to try it for one more year because we did not have much money at all and the "investment" in the uniforms had not been used up. So I respected their wishes and went back. Again I told them I hated it, but they asked me not to listen to them but go back for the education. I respected their wishes again. Then for the next two years it was the some, just go for the education. My mother finally found out what FF was about when she listened in on a conversation FF and I had. FF called me, at home, AFTER I had left the school! His true colours came out in the call and she was sorry because she never thought it was that bad. We all had reasons for being there I guess. |
