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gayatgcc
New member
Username: gayatgcc
Post Number: 6
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 70.49.87.195
| | Posted on Sunday, July 15, 2007 - 2:28 am: | 
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Being gay at GCC was an unbearable experience. The majority of the staff were aware of my sexuality and rather than talk to me rationally about it and inform me about it, they were hostile, prejudice, and cruel. I can recall being sat in the small chapel (of the stairs to the main high school floors) with a small group of my teachers, my family parents, and the Dean of Boys, and I was told about the disgust of my sins and the shame I would surely bring to myself, my family, and GCC. I was 16. I am now 30 and until recently forgot about the torment I underwent at the hands of these sick bastards. Its so -up! I can remember being alone in the newly-built chapel late at night (after lights-out) and I was screaming at God for making me gay and I prayed that he would kill me and release me from this life of sin. I was forbidden readmittance from GCC in my final year when FF discovered I was gay (as a result of me dating his son). I was devastated. I can remember calling FF and begging to be let back in to GCC and he said that God nor him would tolerate such an abomination into the school. ! |
bluesman
New member
Username: bluesman
Post Number: 2
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 68.83.79.247
| | Posted on Sunday, July 15, 2007 - 2:13 pm: |
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I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear your story. I don't know who you are, but my most sincere apologies go out to you. (I was a staff member at that time) The cruelty practiced at that time was truly horrific.
I do hope that you can find some help, therapy, counseling, that will enable you to pick up the pieces and live your life now without guilt.
Again, I am very sorry. Hopefully, reading some of the stories here will help you to realize how truly screwed-up things were and validate you. |
questiongrrl
New member
Username: questiongrrl
Post Number: 1
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 67.71.153.99
| | Posted on Monday, July 16, 2007 - 10:57 am: |
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hello gayatgcc,
thanks so much for posting this here. i am so sorry to hear about the terribly painful treatment you endured at gcc. unfortunately, there are many of us with similar experiences - which as you know can continue to have an impact for years.
i cannot tell you how saddened i am to read your post. i am also a former gcc student. if you are at all interested in communicating in private, let me know and i will post an email address where you can reach me.
please know that there is NO excuse for that kind of treatment. FF in particular has left a lot of scars on a lot of people.
all the best. |
gayatgcc
New member
Username: gayatgcc
Post Number: 8
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 67.70.70.153
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 11:53 am: |
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Hiya Bluesman & Questiongrrl. I truly appreciate your comments and your heart-felt concern. The pain I suffered at the hands of GCC/FF has taken me a long time to heal and I am still in the process.
Questiongrrl, I always love to talk ... it's what I am famous for! If you would like to chat in private, let me know.
Enjoy this beautiful day!
Gay@GCC |
questiongrrl
New member
Username: questiongrrl
Post Number: 2
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 67.71.153.99
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 12:42 pm: |
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gayatgcc,
i love to talk, too! feel free to contact me at: exgcsquaredATgmail.com
i'm still in the process as well. i hope finding this site is helpful for you as i know it has been for me.
hope to hear from you soon,
-QG |
questiongrrl
New member
Username: questiongrrl
Post Number: 3
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 67.71.153.99
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 1:59 pm: |
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sorry... the email address above is incorrect. you can reach me at: xgcsquaredATgmail.com
my apologies. |
grenvillan88
New member
Username: grenvillan88
Post Number: 2
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 74.99.246.147
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 - 9:08 am: |
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gay@gcc... youre not the only one that was refused re-entry, my partner back then (gay as well) admitted to FF about our relationship after I graduated. Re-admission refused as well
there are quite a few gays from GCC and we all are screwed up as well. badinfluence70 at gmail |
gayatgcc
New member
Username: gayatgcc
Post Number: 22
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 70.48.53.192
| | Posted on Friday, August 03, 2007 - 6:23 pm: |
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I figured I wasn't the only one ... well, with my "little black book" full of names during my time at GCC, I KNEW that I wasn't the only one ... I just think some people were better at hiding it! In addition, I had a Judas-of-a-friend OUT me to GCC/FF. F***er! |
former_gcc_staff
New member
Username: former_gcc_staff
Post Number: 1
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 137.186.250.226
| | Posted on Monday, August 06, 2007 - 11:54 am: |
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Hi gayatgcc
I'm really sorry about what you went threw. It's •••• like that that got me started questioning my faith. I hate the mentality that a lot of fundementalist and even so called moderate religious organizations have towards gays and lesbians. I've heard extreme hatred come out christians mouth towards the gay community and even some "tolerant" people talk to and about gay people as if they are sad little sinners that need our help.
The sad thing is that gay students that had genuine concerns and questions had no way of voicing them in fear of the wrong people finding out. |
nomadic
New member
Username: nomadic
Post Number: 2
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 66.78.123.227
| | Posted on Monday, August 06, 2007 - 2:46 pm: |
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I am sorry for the torment and abuse that you have suffered. It was not and is not right. You are who you are- and I believe still loved by God. While I was on staff there, there were a few people who were gay but not out. Everyone knew but honestly had no clue what to do with this information. Avoidance seemed to be the order of the day. Again, I am sorry for your pain. |
oneflewover
New member
Username: oneflewover
Post Number: 2
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 216.191.155.82
| | Posted on Thursday, August 09, 2007 - 1:00 pm: |
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New poster here- just had the link sent to me by another former student. I'm a former staff kid ('70-'75) at Brokeback Christian College as I now like to refer to it. Like any young Christian coming to terms with their "deviant" sexuality I spent alot of time praying for God to change me. I was never "out" at the school- or outed and so don't have the horror stories I've read here- other than the general- I was there for the change over from Berean to GCC and had a heck of a time of it in '74-'75- ran away, plenty of time in the pot sink and other forms of discipline including some brutal light sessions. I carried alot of that weight with me for years but have been free of them for some time now. Made it!!
I had to reconcile my sexuality with Christianity, mainly: I don't think the two are compatible. Go and sin no more- it's not a sin.
I have been back to see the school many times over the years (been denied entry a couple of times...) and have responded to the recent attempts of the school to cultivate their alumni (too little too late it would seem since they are closing).
I will make every effort to attend the closing on Sept. 29 for the main reason to see who turns up. I hope others will as well. I'll share the amazing story of how I was saved from years of bitter resentment for all that the school did to me. |
bettyboop
New member
Username: bettyboop
Post Number: 10
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 69.205.224.127
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 15, 2007 - 12:44 pm: |
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oneflewover: "Brokeback Christian College" - now that's a bit of genius, and what I needed to make me smile admidst all of this sadness. I'd love to hear more of your story. |
oneflewover
New member
Username: oneflewover
Post Number: 8
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 24.141.72.165
| | Posted on Saturday, August 18, 2007 - 10:58 am: |
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hey ms.boop- happy to hear the Brokeback thing made you smile- as a former stand-up I need to know my jokes are appreciated. I saw on another post that yer a former child star- er, staff kid as well. Interesting.
Although I came to the realization I was gay at gcc my experience was limited to some furtive fumblings for the most part, and no, not going to name names... (but god bless the Scottish pipers) I just spent much more time than needed in the locker room.
There was a time when I was called into the office and asked if I had had any homosexual experiences (deny, deny, deny) which they believed since I had had a history of idolatrous relationships with female students. Did acknowledge that I had masturbated on occasion which they chose to do nothing about save a stern warning. Many years later I found out from a former boarding student that he'd had been a named name by someone who had confessed and was put on severe discipline. in hindsight I think this prompted their inquiry to me (and others I'm sure).
Since my family left the school in the summer of '75 I only had to endure about 18 months of the Cape's influence on Berean. Judging from the posts of the poor souls who were there in the years that followed I am soooo thankful. I figure they hadn't perfected their technique in the time I was there. Despite the trouble I DID get in we still managed to get away with plenty.
I ran away at 15 just before the '74- '75 school year was about to begin after after a hideous light session with all the staff boys (we were after all 97% boys at that time.) Lasted 3 days on the outside and was picked up at a townhouse of former students in Oakville by the police. Lovely drive home with dad and D.O.
Back at school I was a celebrity. :-) But wasn't allowed to talk to any for a week or so. |
bettyboop
New member
Username: bettyboop
Post Number: 14
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 69.205.224.127
| | Posted on Monday, August 20, 2007 - 12:13 am: |
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oneflewover -
fascinating post. you were there before my time. dying to know whyo you are. |
vancouver
New member
Username: vancouver
Post Number: 2
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 154.5.186.89
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 2:35 am: |
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Another new guy here - I think FN is going to see a lot of new people after the Globe & Mail story. I was dumped at GCC by my mother when I came out to her. After more than a year of hearing I was going to hell, I actually got brainwashed into the "message" - and when I broke down and told FF I'm gay, he immediately told me that a) I was mentally ill, and b) going to hell unless I let him "help" me. Compared to a lot of other stories out there, I guess I got off lucky in a sense; I never had a light session or any kind of physical abuse. Just lots of "you're mentally ill, you're sick, if you're not straight it's because you don't want to be, and god hates you for it." I was trained into cutting off from my family. I was so twisted and manipulated into believing that there was no home and no happiness without the acceptance of God, being the staff family at GCC, that I tried and very nearly succeeded in killing myself. I knew of two gay kids at GCC at the time, both staff kids, and I think you're one of them, bettyboop - and I could see the pain in them, and I remember praying that they could see it in me too so they'd know they weren't alone. My name's Chris, Class of'93. |
jes_noonan
Member
Username: jes_noonan
Post Number: 99
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 74.104.186.5
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 5:05 am: |
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vancouver,
what you were subjected to was unexscusable....
We have spoken, and I am on your side. I'll stay in touch. |
bettyboop
Junior Member
Username: bettyboop
Post Number: 41
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 69.205.224.127
| | Posted on Monday, September 03, 2007 - 9:09 pm: |
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Vancouver (Chris) -
Wow, your post really hit home for me as I experienced much of the same. I'm so sorry for all that you were put through. I'd love to get in touch if you feel comfortable posting your email.
thanks so much for coming on here and for your bravery in sharing. |
gayatgcc
Member
Username: gayatgcc
Post Number: 57
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 74.14.92.60
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 04, 2007 - 1:25 pm: |
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Vancouver,
When FF discovered I was gay (and before he decided not to allow me back to GCC for my graduating year), he always continually referred to me as "mentall defective" and saw being gay as an "illness with a cure".
As a gay student at GCC we endure a lot of s**t. FF convinved my parents to enrol me in a 12-Step "Become Straight" program. It was a year of incredibly painful hell-on-earth.
I feel your pain. |
dignityquest
New member
Username: dignityquest
Post Number: 22
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 38.116.200.40
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 04, 2007 - 1:49 pm: |
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I have read these posts with such a sense of outrage, I have to respond directly to Vancouver and Gayatgcc and anyone who was defining their sexuality in a way that was considered "abnormal" while at GCC or the CofJ. I grew up in this enviorment and, since I left in '86 have felt a special burden to reach out to those who suffered from the psychological and emotional abuse around your sexual orientation. I indentify as straight, but have been a queer activist for many years. As an educator who has talked to many irate parents about how I am "perverting" their children in my anti-homophovia lessons, I remind them that I can teach their child to love or to hate, I choose to teach them to love. Nothing I can say here can undo what was done to you other than to say that any God or faith that evalutes the worth of a person based on who they love is not a God or faith I want any part of. Your story GayatGCC about "get Straight" programs is a far too common story and such a discgusting distortion on what 12 steps is suppose to stand for. Thank you for telling your stories and keep telling them. DQ
(e mail jeffrey.wilkinson@peelsb.com) |
vancouver
New member
Username: vancouver
Post Number: 3
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 154.5.186.89
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 04, 2007 - 1:53 pm: |
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Guys - my email's rumbledog@hotmail.com - I'd welcome hearing from any of you.
Something I remember specifically that I wanted for so long to tell someone who'd been to GCC - My first year there, I was angry at everyone around me - being abandoned by my family to Grenville was like frying pan - fire. I had a small group of friends that even now I'm not sure how I made, given how I behaved towards the people, good and bad, at GCC.
I mention this because it puts some perspective into what I'd like to recount - one day, early in my first year when I was 17, I was walking from the boys dorm to the school building through that long hallway - the one with the windows on one side showing the courtyard. A Community kid I knew (whose name I'm not going to share here) came out of the new gym as I was walking by and we we chatting as we walked towards the school building. Neither one of us was in a rush to get to class. No one else was around.
This is the horrible thing - this kid, he couldn't have been more than 14 or 15, kind of timidly reached out and took my hand. We walked for five or six paces like that, holding hands. I was just looking at him, just a) stunned that he would do this there of all places, and b) scared to ••••••• death someone was going to come by and think I was molesting an innocent (and younger) commmunity kid.
He was looking up at me with this mixture of terror and hope in his face. I thought he was adorable, but way too young and scaring the hell out of me because, if he was doing this, can other people tell I'm gay?
I gently took my hand back from him and put my hand on his shoulder and we stopped in the middle of the hallway. He was looking at me then with fear and sadness. We didn't say anything, and hadn't from the moment he took my hand. We just looked at each other for a few seconds. I smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder, and steered him back towards the school. We started talking about basketball again like nothing had happened.
I don't know what happened to that boy, and I'm filled with regret that I didn't have the stones to actually speak to him about what he was feeling. There was nothing romantic or sexual in my feeling towards the kid, if anything, it was paternal concern, and a sadness knowing the position he was in.
I mentioned in the beginning how antagonistic and hateful I was to the people around me at GCC - at least at first. The day this happened was the first day I realized other people at the school might be in pain, and some were in the same kind of pain I was in. |
oneflewover
New member
Username: oneflewover
Post Number: 14
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 74.108.103.175
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 04, 2007 - 6:44 pm: |
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Thanks Vancouver, that was as sweet and sad and touching as anything in Brokeback Mountain. Things unsaid... I understand your regret but if it helps- At least you didn't, out of fear, shake him off and say "What are you doing?!" to cover your own feelings. |
cryfreedom
Member
Username: cryfreedom
Post Number: 67
Registered: 6-2006
Posted From: 24.226.27.60
| | Posted on Tuesday, September 04, 2007 - 7:09 pm: |
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VANCOUVER----Thank you for sharing that story. In all the stories that have enraged me over the last few days this one actually made me feel sad but smile at the same time. I could just picture that young boy looking up at you with longing, confusion and fear in his eyes. You handled it so well and it does go to prove that there were kids there that were sexually confused but had no one to talk to that would understand. Makes me sad to know they had to go throught that. But good for you for treating that "child" with such kindness!! |
bettyboop
Junior Member
Username: bettyboop
Post Number: 45
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 69.205.224.127
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 - 12:43 am: |
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vancouver - beautifully touching story. thanks for sharing that. i'm gonna get in touch with you...
gay@gcc - your story continues to enrage me. i went through a similar 12 step de-gay thing, but actually while i was a staff with a counsellor from outside the school. it was called "stomping out the darkness." really disgusting stuff. the same counsellor that put me through that actually ended up becoming one of gcc's closest friends /advisors in the later days. comforting, isn't it?
even in the end, gcc's message of intolerance had barely changed. the new wave of right wing fundamentalism just helped them justify it. |
vancouver
New member
Username: vancouver
Post Number: 6
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 154.5.186.89
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 - 1:16 am: |
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hey, Betty - hope you do; we weren't friends and I remember actually being a tool towards you, but I'd love to get in touch and talk. I can't imagine a better person to talk some of this crap through with, if you'll let me. Gayatgcc, I'd like to hear from you too - can't even tell if we went to school together or not, but I've been wishing for this for fifteen years, and I'm gonna take advantage! :-) |
gayatgcc
Member
Username: gayatgcc
Post Number: 61
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 74.14.92.60
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 - 10:42 am: |
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Vancouver, any time.
tyty_65@hotmail.com
Tyler |
vancouver
New member
Username: vancouver
Post Number: 7
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 154.5.186.89
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 - 12:02 pm: |
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Something kind of funny, I guess, and just wanted to share...
All of this new information I've been finding out has prompted me to reach out to former classmates, roommates and teachers who had a positive influence on me during my trip through GCC.
So, my favourite teacher of all time, no exaggeration, was found on facebook and I sent him a tentative hello. He sent back a really enthusiastic and welcoming reply back, and invited me to update him on what was going on in my life, etc.
During all the hell I was going through at GCC, I never confided in this teacher, despite his repeated attempts to draw me out of the cloud of rage and pain I was obviously in. I was literally terrified of the idea of telling him what was going on with me, and that being gay was at the core of my ongoing nightmare of experiences. I thought he'd look at me the way FF did in our sometimes daily "sessions", and tell me the same things that FF did. I truly wouldn't have been able to cope anymore, because this wonderful teacher was one of the precious few reasons I was staying in one piece.
Anyway... Cut to now. I sent this teacher a response back, not so much saying everything I wanted to, but instead I came out to him and for the first time just plainly stated, "I'm gay, I hope we can talk, but if not, I still wish you well." Then I kind of held my breath.
The response I got back was a sort of genial, "Um, no shock there, but it's all good, and congratulations for being you." we went on to talk some more about the stuff that was going on. Very anti-climatic. He may have seen my fb page, but still.
I was pretty choked, though! I thought, either a) FF & the Dean of boys had been spillin' my beans to other staff when they said they wouldn't, which in retrospect, doesn't come as a surprise, or b) I was a lot "gayer" in my appearance and mannerisms 'n such. I don't think it was appearance, because of those damn uniforms...
I remembered something though, and started to laugh, a lot... Back in 1993, I was a shell, barely alive inside and graduating despite everything that had happened to me... but I still had enough spit in me to take my school-issued dictionary that I had to return for reuse and wrote in every 20th page or so: "My name's Chris ****** and I'm gay - bite me!"
That may have outed me to the staff, too... I really should ask that teacher... |
rozpriceenglish
Member
Username: rozpriceenglish
Post Number: 100
Registered: 8-2007
Posted From: 172.129.132.14
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 - 2:39 pm: |
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**laugh** wonder what they did with that dictionary? i'm so glad that your teacher was so awesome. |
gayatgcc
Member
Username: gayatgcc
Post Number: 63
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 76.66.37.28
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 - 9:59 pm: |
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Vancouver ... we shared a brain. 2 weeks before I left GCC I began going to the library and writing in any book "Gay is here to stay! Suck a d**k" & "Guys, See Tyler for a good time".
Childish, yes.
Therapeutic, yes.
Spiteful, yes.
Wonderful times. |
spain
Junior Member
Username: spain
Post Number: 26
Registered: 5-2006
Posted From: 69.204.218.39
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 - 10:14 pm: |
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I was a teacher at GCC. My step-son is gay, 2 of my best friends are gay.
I am so sorry for what you all suffered. While I was there, I have to admit I was clueless - never heard anything about gay students (wouldn't have cared if I had), and never realized your suffering.
I hope you all can find some healing. |
gayatgcc
Member
Username: gayatgcc
Post Number: 65
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 76.66.37.28
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 - 10:21 pm: |
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Spain,
Your thoughts are appreciated. I think FF kept only a select few staff "in the know" about the queer students ... PLUS ... he kicked us out pretty quickly. Luckily, he allowed me to finish my grade 12 year, but I was not welcomed back for my OAC year, despite my parent's generous donations to the school.
Sometimes (and not very often), money wasn't important! |
vancouver
New member
Username: vancouver
Post Number: 9
Registered: 9-2007
Posted From: 216.113.168.128
| | Posted on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 - 10:53 pm: |
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Dude, believe me - it was better to be booted. I have no idea why they didn't kick me out, but every day since I wish they had. Spain - as a teacher, you can tell me if you agree with me, a former ESL teacher, in my observation: standing at the front of a classfull of kids, it's not easy to notice the one or two who may only occasionally exhibiting signs of depression or anxiety? In retrospect, I was a bleeding mess and none of my teachers, even the best ones, took me aside and ask if I was okay. I don't blame any one of them only because I had the same experience where a student of mine had a breakdown days after appearing (to me) perfectly okay in class. Your observations would be appreciated. |
gayatgcc
Member
Username: gayatgcc
Post Number: 72
Registered: 7-2007
Posted From: 76.66.37.28
| | Posted on Thursday, September 06, 2007 - 12:25 am: |
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"It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience."
Julius Caesar
We all endured the pain. |
