| Author | Message | ||
     fearfulsheep New member Username: fearfulsheep Post Number: 1 Registered: 6-2007 Posted From: 74.51.42.57 |
I went to Grenville for 7 years. When I left, I could not mentally leave. I had Grenville dreams. Dreams were all of a sudden I was put back in uniform, but I could not find my shoes, or socks, or kilt, or blouse. I could not believe I could have forgotten to pack them. And there were hidden doors all over the place. Who knows but I am sure that was my psyche trying to tell me that things had happened there that I was suppressing. I kept and to this day, keep having these dreams. Or Nightmares. And then one day, I went back. And FF told me that he had been dreaming that I was back there, and that I belonged, and I listened to him!!! I thought it was a sign, and I considered going back to work there. OMG. For so many years, I have felt so screwed up, and two days ago I found this forum, and I realized, it was not me alone, and I feel terrified, fascinated, and finally finally validated. Thank you. | ||
| tellitlikeitis New member Username: tellitlikeitis Post Number: 1 Registered: 7-2006 Posted From: 65.32.39.220 |
Welcome, welcome fearfulsheep. Your dream sounds so familiar (yet different). I'm not an expert at all, but I would guess you're right about your psyche. . . . You have many friends trodding similar paths. It really helps to take things slow (reading this all can be quite daunting and overwhelming). Validation is so important.....I really understand that need  | ||
| krwg New member Username: krwg Post Number: 14 Registered: 5-2007 Posted From: 76.100.145.120 |
Welcome fearfulsheep - this site and finding others who have been through what I have and understand me has been worth a TON to me! I hope you find it as helpful! I have only recently found this site - and my advice - take it slow. I hvae been dreaming more about GCC and the CofJ more since finding it than I have in a long time - this could be good and bad. Hang in there and know that you are not alone! | ||
| papillon New member Username: papillon Post Number: 1 Registered: 6-2007 Posted From: 24.40.146.45 |
Welcome...hope your dreams subside. My brother and sister both graduated from Grenville and neither one of them likes to talk about it. You are not alone. | ||
| usedtobethere New member Username: usedtobethere Post Number: 1 Registered: 6-2006 Posted From: 209.47.31.6 |
Hi 'fearfulsheep': WELCOME As others have said, a little overwhelming to read what many have gone through but it certainly does validate much in one's life. I am so glad that you didn't return to GCC, you would have added more to your nightmares. What was all that "you belong here" BS? God playing/increase the corps, I guess - God and only God knows the extent of how 'that mind' worked. Actually, the statements and actions of 'said person' are STILL very bizarre. I would say 'too much overload' to put it mildly. (oops sorry, just had to slip that in). Take care, thoughts and many best wishes go your way. The nightmares, definitely not unusual.  (Message edited by usedtobethere on June 07, 2007) | ||
| gayatgcc New member Username: gayatgcc Post Number: 9 Registered: 7-2007 Posted From: 67.70.70.153 |
For years after leaving GCC I would have horrifying nightmares that would leave me feeling anxious, fearful, and paranoid. In fact, until recently, my memories and nightmares of GCC kept me away from contacting any of my friends from that time. I believed that I had caused so much shame and embarrassment to these people (friends) that I would only be causing them grief if I reached out to them. I am an intelligent and successful person in life, but the damage caused to me during my years at GCC has stuck with me and haunted me ... and has constantly tried to ruin what I strive to be. Again, all I can say it “F***ed!” | ||
| former_gcc_grl New member Username: former_gcc_grl Post Number: 2 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 64.231.96.8 |
I have nightmares too. Nightmares that I'm not going to get to dinner on time or I can't manage to clean my room perfectly AND get the dorm duties done before flag raising. This is 20 years later! It's that constant fear of nothing ever being good enough which has now developed into some kind of obsessive compulsive perfectionism. | ||
| wagener84 New member Username: wagener84 Post Number: 2 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 199.214.192.50 |
Oh man...can I ever relate. Ive had many nightmares over the years..and its been 23 years since I graduated!! There was a time when I couldn't even experience intimacy with my wife without having visions of Mary Haig and Betty Farnsworth watching over me with evil glares of disapproval. If any posters out there ever want to communicate in private..my email is Michael.Wagener@gov.ab.ca | ||
| tmw New member Username: tmw Post Number: 2 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 69.156.79.134 |
my nightmares over the years (I left in '89) always revolved around being trapped and having no way of getting away, and having no help. I am being terrorized and can't get away. Over the years, luckily the dreams have subsided, however they do surface under times of stress. | ||
| hoperules New member Username: hoperules Post Number: 7 Registered: 7-2007 Posted From: 74.98.177.116 |
I too have suffered from the nightmares. I never know when or where they’ll happen. The just do. It’s been 15+ years since I’ve been at GCC and somehow they still seem to resurface. Until recently, other than the dreams, I thought I had completely put GCC in the past. Lately, for whatever reason they’ve been more frequent and more vivid. Which is more than scary because I can still remember to detail, nightmares I had up to 5 or 6 years ago. I’ve dreamed of GCC having an expansion with additional cultivated land with runways and landing pads to track and capture our escapes. I’ve dreamed of going to the mall in town, with long hallways much like the Skywalk to the Sky Dome in Toronto with trendy coffee carts, boutiques and candy stores. In this particular dream I was denied of money, at the time of purchase, to buy a duvet during the freezing months and was put back into cab alone and subjected to “D” and sentenced to sleeping all winter with nothing but the ugly green bedspread. It was my fault that my parents hadn’t sent me with a proper bed covering. Believe it or not, this was also one of the dreams that was based on the fact that I agreed to go back because I thought it was best for me to grab that 1 more OAC I was missing. FF agreed it would be at no additional cost and that he only wanted me to succeed (and bring up the stats). I know it sounds funny. These dreams seem to haunt for days and nights on end after they occur. The reign of GCC never ends, consciously or otherwise. | ||
| grenvillan88 New member Username: grenvillan88 Post Number: 5 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 74.99.246.147 |
mine are back and two night in a row awaking sweating. last night it was poth yelling at some kid in the old boys dorm... | ||
| hoperules New member Username: hoperules Post Number: 8 Registered: 7-2007 Posted From: 74.98.177.116 |
Grenvillan88 - Mine too since I heard of the news. Everything has come creeping back in one form or another. I barely slept more than in 10 minute intervals last night. The last one (Tues. night) was of me telling my current boyfriend of this. He didn't believe me and left me because he said my baggage was too much for him. I woke up completely devestated and was afraid to contact him all day. It's sad that it can play into your current life situation with people that don't even know of the past. Drink wine, eat cheese?! I don't know. | ||
| grenvillan88 New member Username: grenvillan88 Post Number: 6 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 74.99.246.147 |
a nice cab goes well with a spliff, the grapes and cheese naturally come after lol | ||
| hoperules New member Username: hoperules Post Number: 9 Registered: 7-2007 Posted From: 74.98.177.116 |
Sliff! ha ha ha! After being caught smoking a cigarette with a few others at the Skydome, exactly across from where were seated and a few floors up, millions in the crowd...never! Not even in my wildest dreams or nightmares! | ||
| former_gcc_grl New member Username: former_gcc_grl Post Number: 7 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 64.231.96.73 |
I'm feeling the same way since hearing about the school closing. I would never have thought the news would have such an effect on me. It has dominated my thoughts all week. So many memories, feelings of sadness, feelings of anger, feelings of relief after finding the support of this site. I've had Grenville dreams since the news too. The one where it's the beginning of a new year and I'm realizing how long it is that I am trapped there and thinking about everything I need to be careful about so I can avoid being put on "silence" or "D" or being singled out for one thing or another. That feeling of having escaped but discovering I'm right back in the horror again. | ||
| tmw New member Username: tmw Post Number: 8 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 67.71.154.21 |
ummmmm grenvillan88 you reminded me of something. Does anyone remember the grape diet that the staff did. Seems to me it was around lent. And the staff had to eat nothing but grapes for lent. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner grapes. FOr like 40 days. I can remember a few instances like this. Now when it didn't affect me directly I can remember thinking how strange this behaviour was. When it did affect me directly that was a different story. I also remember one year around easter showing up to the dining room to unleaven bread, parsely, salt water, and honey. I remember FF saying it had to do with humility and the last supper blah blah blah. Now even though I was a boarder, I was still from the local area. As soon as I figured out what was going on, I asked to leave the table, went to the girls dorm, called my mom, and she went to McDonalds for me. Brought me a big mac, fries and a drink which I went to my room to eat. Boy did I ever catch hell for that, however, it was one of the instances that I actually understood what I was getting in trouble for, and it was worth it! Sorry for the diversion of the topic, it was the grapes comment that prompted that. | ||
| grenvillan88 New member Username: grenvillan88 Post Number: 7 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 74.99.246.147 |
ive been asked by some another grenvillan to clarify what a spliff is. in the islands its a joint thick and long like a cigar. | ||
| former_gcc_grl New member Username: former_gcc_grl Post Number: 8 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 64.231.95.234 |
That meal you're remembering is actually a Jewish tradition, for passover I believe, called a seder (not sure of spelling, but pronounced say-der). Why exactly we were forced to experience though, I'm not sure. | ||
| freeasabird New member Username: freeasabird Post Number: 1 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 216.99.54.112 |
Wow It is soo amazing to read all of these accounts! I thought I was all alone or perhaps had imagined what I experienced. I too am shocked at how much this whole thing has affected me...memeories I thought I had burried. Thank you everyone for such honesty! | ||
| gayatgcc New member Username: gayatgcc Post Number: 20 Registered: 7-2007 Posted From: 70.48.53.192 |
TMW ... you are hilarious! I can remember the Easter Seder Meal of bread, honey, etc. I too was a kid from town and 2 years in a row had my dad drive out pizza for me and a few friends in the boys dorm! | ||
| hoperules New member Username: hoperules Post Number: 17 Registered: 7-2007 Posted From: 74.98.177.116 |
grenvillan88 - Spliff is a joint. It is grown from seeds and God's green earth. I guess we figured it would compliment the "alone" cab ride back from the mall with the wine, cheese, grapes and ofcouse da sliff  Not that that's my thing, it would have been hilarious to be put on D for smoking spliff. | ||
| bossman New member Username: bossman Post Number: 3 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 24.64.223.204 |
I wet my pants when I see a blue jacket and gordon plad together | ||
| papillon New member Username: papillon Post Number: 14 Registered: 7-2007 Posted From: 70.62.111.2 |
A spliff should never be confused with a skiff, which is a useful water-going device for finding remote and picturesque locations for relaxing with a spliff ... | ||
| tabby1979 New member Username: tabby1979 Post Number: 11 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 70.69.121.31 |
When I first left GCC I had constant dreams and nightmares about the school...after awhile I they disappeared, but now and then I get the odd dream of going back to the school and the school letting me back in but on the condition I stay there... but I woke up at that part - I wonder why... | ||
| spain New member Username: spain Post Number: 4 Registered: 5-2006 Posted From: 69.204.209.196 |
After I left GCC, my dreams were much like what everyone has said - esp - wanting to leave and not being able to find the keys to my truck, or my clothes, or whatever... But, after several years of therapy, my dreams changed and in the dreams I told people off - that they couldn't treat me that way.... I woke up feeling so much better. It was all a result of therapy and distance and time - and I was glad when my sub-conscious caught up with my reality. But I know that when I have re-curring dreams, its just part of my psyche trying to off-load ••••. It used to make me angry - now I just let it be, as I, emotionally, get myself further and further away. | ||
| jawdrop New member Username: jawdrop Post Number: 1 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 71.40.166.42 |
I'm so glad I'm not alone! I have a dream about once or year, although I left in 1995, where I really didn't graduate from high school (although I have my masters degree) and have to go back to Grenville to finish my requirements. I ALWAYS wake up in a cold sweat. | ||
| breaker_19_girl New member Username: breaker_19_girl Post Number: 8 Registered: 8-2007 Posted From: 64.187.48.152 |
Yeah the Grenville dreams as a friend and I call them. My dreams revolve around Lucas Lounge mostly and it is a prison with bars and the prisoners being called one by one into one of the offices in the reception. I have dreams where I am flying off the link between Murray Hall and the main building only to end up in the prison in Lucas lounge. I remember one dream I had where it was my ex and he was in the Lucas lounge jail awaiting his turn to be judged and I kept trying to rescue him and couldnt.. So, I got dressed in a nun's costume and I went to visit him and I said all you have to do is admit to doing it...no matter what they are accusing you of and then they will make you pray and tell you how wrong you are...but eventually they will let you go.... the harder you fight it, the harder the punishment. I guess flash backs to confessing in the middle of the night, just so I could get some sleep... |
