Celebrity Critics of Scientology - Celebrities against Scientology
[For the purposes of this list, a "celebrity critic" is someone who: a) is to some degree famous or a public figure, and: b) openly, publically, says something that is critical of or jokes and degrades Scientology.]
Table of contents
-
Absolutely Fabulous (TV show):
see Gaffney, Mo. -
Adams, Douglas (Author):
In the novel Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency he describes the electric monk as believing anything that he is told as willingly as a Scientologist. -
Allen, Steve (Comedian):
"When I ran into you at an airport a few weeks ago there was no opportunity to have a talk, but since I have about 49 seconds free between appointments at the office this morning it occurs to me that you might be interested in an idea that I have suggested to you and other Scientologists before. When I spoke at a convention in the East quite a few months ago, a convention at which a dozen or so Scientologists were in attendance, I said something to them along the following lines. 'If I may make a suggestion to you folks, whatever your purely religious views are, you're entitled to them and they are more or less in the category of not anyone else's business. 'But I also suggest that it is not because of those views that your group doesn't have a very good reputation. There are other churches that, in the opinion of non-members, have some truly bizarre beliefs but no one dislikes the individual members as a result of those beliefs. 'The Mormons are a perfect example. No non-Mormon on Earth accepts a word of Mormon assertions about the experiences of Joseph Smith, visits with angels, golden plates, etc. But despite that fact the Mormons have a very good social reputation. A number of my personal friends are Mormons and they are for the most part lovely and socially decent people. 'But - again - the same cannot be said of Scientologists. And if I were you it would occur to me to wonder why. So, to save you a little wondering time, I'll tell you why right now. You have the reputation as just about the worst bullies this side of the National Rifle Association. I've talked this over with some of you and you've said that the terrible harassments and crimes are a thing of the past, that you've learned from your earlier mistakes, etc. That may be true, and I certainly hope it is, not only for your sake but for the sake of everyone concerned. But to be honest, many people doubt that Scientology has reformed itself in this particular regard." - Steve Allen , Van Nuys, CA; An Open Letter from Steve Allen to Heber Jentzsch, President, Church of Scientology, Skeptic, June 1997. -
Andretti, Mario (Race car driver):
"The logo 'Dianetics' was removed from his car after he said he didn't want to be associated with the publication. 'It's not something I believe in, so I don't want to make it appear like I'm endorsing it,' Andretti said." - (AP 28.11. 1988). "Logos are a matter between race promoters and sponsors. That's why Andretti did not know until he came to town that his car would be decorated with seven 'Dianetics' decals. - Tilman Hausherr. -
Anthony, Piers (Author):
"In God of Tarot, the first book of his Tarot Sequence, Piers Anthony has a Satanist character who calls himself 'The Master Therion, the Beast 666' make disparaging remarks in the presence of a Scientologist about 'your O-meters and clouds,' and ask what a science-fiction writer would know about creating a worthwhile religion anyway. Then again, this may just be Anthony being ironic about his own examination of religion in the Sequence." - Austin George Loomis. -
Asimov, Isaac (Author):
"I mentioned that Scientology's belief system closely resembles the writings of George Lucas. Not to mention those of Isaac Asimov. Far from being flattered, Asimov is alarmed by Scientology and similar systems of pseudo-science. 'Never in history has humanity faced a crisis so deep, so intense, so pervasive, and so multi-faceted,' he wrote. 'There have never till now been so many people on earth so dependent on a complex technology, so burdened by its flaws, and so likely to witness a complete breakdown of that technology in a matter of decades. If we are to pull through we must thread our way carefully through the rapids that lie ahead. At every step we'll be depending on our knowledge, grasp and understanding of science, of its potentialities and its limitations... Under these circumstances, what crime is greater than that of misteaching the public about science?...Humanity has the stars in its future, and that future is too important to be lost under the burden of juvenile folly and ignorant superstition.'" - The Weekend Australian, 1-2 March 1997, Weird Science, Phillip Adams. [pending removal until I read the article myself to verify what Asimov was referring to - it has been suggested he wasn't talking about Scientology at all, even obliquely.- MH] -
Bear, Greg (Author):
"The delusional, no-talent charlatans may scoop in more money, but the game is truly not worth the coin. I sleep much better at might than they should. This brings up a case in point that illustrates the real role of skepticism in science fiction. Rumor has it that L. Ron Hubbard, a pretty good science fiction writer of the 1940s, made a conscious decision that science fiction was a mug's game and that the real money was in starting a religion. So he did, using science fiction magazines and a gullible, though very famous, science fiction editor to get his start. No one knows whether he eventually came to believe in what he wrote and sold to others as revealed truth. If I had been Hubbard, I would not have been able to convince myself. I suspect most charlatans realize that they have perverted very real, very useful aesthetic instincts to hoodwink large numbers of gullible people into believing and paying. When we stop being artists, and start being money-grubbing pseudo-prophets, the net is down, the ball can go anywhere in the court, and the audience has changed. This audience knows so little, and cares so little about the truth, that it oohs and aahs at every random serve, every double bounce, every net ball. It does not perceive the difference between an earned point and a flub. The charlatan on the court smiles and receives applause for all. That's not our audience. That's not my game." - Greg Bear in the Skeptical Inquirer, September/October 1996, writing about the relationship between sci-fi and skepticism. His contribution was called Skepticism and Science Fiction (pp 24-25). -
Becker, Boris (Tennis player):
"German tennis star Boris Becker threatened on Friday to take legal action against the Church of Scientology unless it stopped using his picture and comments attributed to him on one of its Internet pages. The organisation, which Germany views as anti-democratic and has put under intelligence surveillance, has a picture of Becker and his black wife Barbara at the top of an article headed `The Trouble with Intolerance.' A Scientology spokesman said it had not reported anything more than Becker himself said in an interview last year when he said he planned to move to the United States when his son reached school age. The article, with the sub-heading `For many minorities, living in Germany means living in fear,' cited Becker as an example of someone who had suffered `years of intolerance and abuse, apparently owing to the fact that his wife is black.' Becker's Munich-based lawyers demanded Scientology withdraw all reference to the former Wimbledon champion and pledge not to use his picture again. `Boris Becker is in no way prepared to promote the aims of your organisation in any manner,' the lawyers said in a letter addressed to the Church of Scientology International in London." - Bonn: Andrew Gray, June 27 (Reuter). -
Berenger, Tom (Actor):
"This week's Globe has an article on actor Tom Berenger who is divorcing his wife. He is claiming that they are divorcing because she is a scieno and has spent thousands and thousands of dollars on it." - jbwebb@gramercy.ios.com "The article says, 'Calling it a "cult", in court papers, the 47-year-old star asks the court to ban his wife from sending their three kids to Scientology classes or giving the group money from his child support payments.'" - Sue, Jigsaw6452@aol.com. -
Best Brains Inc. (TV producers):
see MST3K. -
Black-47 (Musicians):
"Black-47 have a line about a band breaking up that goes something like: 'Sheila went off and joined the scientology church...and everything turned ultra-violent'" - Paul Campbell. -
Bowie, David. (Musician):
"He pauses to tuck into a sandwich. In the rear lounge of the bus sits a group that includes Schwab, Dorsey, Alford and Garson. The latter is a phenomenal keyboard player who brings a strong visual presence to the show. He'd not seen Bowie for 18 years until he was summoned to play on the 1993 album Black Tie White Noise and The Buddha Of Suburbia. 'We used to call him Garson The Parson in the Spiders, poor love,' Bowie grins, 'When he was into Scientology. But it did cause us one or two problems. I was thinking about having him back in the band and the thing that really clinched it was hearing that he was no longer a Scientologist.'" - CHANGESFIFTYBOWIE, Q Magazine, February 1997, by David Cavanagh. -
Boyd, Joe (Band manager):
"What are the secrets of Scientology? Is its central doctrine - that you should purge yourself of all emotional baggage - helpful? Joe Boyd was curious. The band he managed had enrolled with ambiguous results. He gave it a try himself and here he describes his life in the Church of L. Ron Hubbard - and the pervasive paranoia that made him leave. 'Back in 1971, I 'infiltrated' the Church of Scientology. Inspired by curiosity, my adventure took me through more than 60 hours of auditing", the central 'sacrament' of this so-called religion which is supposed to unburden you of your past and lead you to certain success in life. It culminated in a confrontation with aspects of the organisation that I found sinister, flawed and even potentially dangerous." - A Mind-Bending Experience, The Guardian Weekend, January 4 1997, pp 18-22. -
Burroughs, William S. (Author):
"In view of the fact that my articles and statements on Scientology may have influenced young people to associate themselves with the so called Church of Scientology, I feel an obligation to make my present views on the subject quite clear. Some of the techniques are highly valuable and warrant further study and experimentation.... On the other hand I am in flat disagreement with the organizational policy. No body of knowledge needs an organizational policy. Organizational policy can only impede the advancement of knowledge.... Scientologists are not prepared to accept intelligent and sometimes critical evaluation. They demand unquestioning acceptance. Mr. Hubbard's overtly fascist utterances...can hardly recommend him to the militant students. Certainly it is time for the Scientologists to come out in plain English on one side or the other, if they expect the trust and support of young people." - Burroughs in an article for the Los Angeles Free Press, March 6, 1970, as republished in Ali's Smile / Naked Scientology, Expanded Media Editions, Bonn, 1985. ISBN: 3-88030-011-9. -
Butler, Brett (Stand-up comic and star of the sitcom "Grace Under Fire"):
"...has made references to $cientology in her stage routines. One fairly recent clip that I saw on Comedy Central included a joke about running into a heroin addict in Hollywood. The addict mentions that $cientology is helping him get off drugs, and Grace's comment is, 'God, I hope he sticks with the heroin.'" - Mark Dallara. -
Cage, Nicholas (Actor):
see Jim Carrey. -
Carrey, Jim (Actor):
"And some speak out, such as Jim Carrey and his good friend Nicholas Cage, with some crazy stunts. One time Carrey delighted in calling CC one day and getting them all in a tizzy at a big name calling them to ask about Scientology. Except Carrey wanted to sign up for the OT3 course. He had all these "things" on his body, he said, and he wanted to get rid of them. The execs freaked a bit, saying that he had to do other things first. No, no, Carrey said, I'll pay for all those. Get me on that body thetan course, that's the one for me! (I mean, can't you just imagine a Jim Carrey routine on body thetans?)" - Robert Vaughn Young. -
Clarke, Arthur C (Author):
"I'm afraid he went crazy and turned a lot of other people crazy." [Arthur C. Clarke talking about L Ron Hubbard, KFYI radio, Phoenix Arizona 8-9pm show 1/24/04] -
De Camp, L. Sprague (Author):
"By this time, however, Dianetics has become largely dissociated from imaginative fiction - an association that was artificial and adventitious in the first place, and for which the genre cannot be held responsible." "Eureka bears comparison with Hubbard's Dianetics, exhibiting the same grandiose claims to omniscience and the same confused pontification on subjects of which the author has only a superficial knowledge." - both quotes from de Camp writing about Dianetics in The Science-Fiction Handbook: The Writing of Imaginative Fiction. "De Camp has a footnote to the last paragraph quoted, wherein he lists several books & magazine articles about Dianetics... His disgust with the subject is clear in the concluding sentence to this short bibliography: `You can pursue the Dianetics controversy by means of the Reader's Guide to Periodical Literature and the files of the professional journals in the fields of psychology and psychiatry.'" - Geoff Burling. -
Degeneris, Ellen (TV Actress):
[On her TV show, Ellen, in February, 1998] "She was in a mall, trying to get the attention of a guy with a clipboard. She said to her friend that the last time she talked to a guy with a clipboard, she ended up a scientologist, and it was expensive!" - wynot. -
Donahue, Phil (Retired TV talk show host):
Did a critical show on Scientology in May, 1995. Although critics of the cult weren't allowed to speak on the show, Phil took on their role very well, and apparently did his homework: Donahue took them down a peg over issues like Prozac, psychiatrists, huge profits, business dealings, attacking ex-Scientologists, etc. -
Edell, Dr. Dean (Radio talk show host):
"While discussing how it takes a certain mindset to accept the non-objective concepts pitched by cults, remarked: 'I've met several Scientologists and they are as looney-gooney as they come.' - Hud Nordin. -
Faith No More, (Rock Band):
"Please go to a CD by the rock band Faith No More (no kidding!) called (!) Angel Dust. 1st track is called 'Land of Sunshine'. Read the lyrics, listen to the vocalist's delivery (TR1) and go into paroxysms of laughter the first time I cogged on what he's singing about!! There's also a great band picture taken up the block from the HGB! How do I know? Don't take my word for it - buy the disc and check it out. If you've been to the HGB you'll recognize the background of the photograph. (Remember the fire drills? Bomb threats? Riot? Earthquake?)" - ALCHEMIST15@prodigy.net. -
Farmer, Philip Jose (Author):
"I believe [he] got briefly involved with Scientology auditing, which he expressed as his alter-ego Peter Jairus Frigate in the RIVERWORLD book series. I believe he said it was interesting at the time but generally worthless, and when past lives came into the picture, he decided that it'd gone beyond whatever good that it could have done him." - Phillip Zadarnowski. -
Farrell, Mike (Actor):
"To this day, people who tangle with Scientology find themselves subject to aggressive efforts at intimidation. Mike Farrell, who played B.J. on the television series M*A*S*H, crossed paths with the church when he contacted the Cult Awareness Network for information on a film project about child abuse. After gaining great respect for their work, he attended a fund-raising event at a private home in Beverly Hills, where he was confronted by angry picketers. 'There were people taking photographs, being very obvious, getting video footage of the guests as they went in and out - obvious harassment,' he says. Farrell says he asked one of the pickets if he was a Scientologist, and the man said yes. In an effort to be fair, Farrell had lunch with Reverend Heber Jentzsch, president of the Church of Scientology International, and investigated Scientology's charges against CAN. The actor says he found them to be based on 'sham, invective, and distortion.' Later, at a CAN convention near the L.A. airport, Farrell encountered more angry Scientologists. 'Not only did they picket, but they sort of get in your face and give you this loud and incessant spiel that doesn't allow for dialogue - it's just a kind of attempt to intimidate.' In the last few months Farrell has gotten numerous strange phone calls, one telling him (falsely, as it turned out) that an old friend had died. There have been so many that now when he gets calls after midnight at his home, he answers, 'Hubbard was crazy.' Sometimes, he says, there's a long silence before the caller hangs up." - Premiere, Sept. 1993, "Catch a rising star". -
Gaffney, Mo (Comedienne):
"The comedienne is a semi-regular character on the Brit comedy, 'Absolutely Fabulous', and she plays a spaced-out California goofball who's into religious experiences. In the 2-hour-long Ab Fab special, she was on the run from the $cientologists. Her husband was still on the inside, trying to get close to John Travolta, to propose a movie role to him. In a hilarious scene, she interrupts a cheery conversation to quickly dial a phone number and whisper into the receiver, 'The goose flies at night!' A minute later, her husband calls, and talks about 'Having' and 'Being', and trying to get to Kirstie Alley instead." - Mark Dallara. -
Gardener, Martin (Author):
"Dianetics is a book of impressive thickness, written in a repetitious, immature style. Hubbard claims he wrote it in three weeks. This is believable because most of his writing is done at lightning speed. (For a while, he used a special electric IBM typewriter with extra keys for common words like 'and,' 'the,' and 'but.' The paper was on a roll to avoid the interruption of changing sheets.) Nothing in the book remotely resembles a scientific report." - Chapter 22 Dianetics from Fads and Fallacies in the Name of Science by Martin Gardner; Dover, New York: 1957. -
Gibson, William (Author):
"Gibson wrote this in 'Count Zero': Marsha-momma'd get these two-hour fits of religion sometimes, come into Bobby's room and sweep all his best garbage out and gum some Godawful self-adhesive hologram up over his bed. Maybe Jesus, maybe Hubbard, maybe Virgin Mary, it didn't much matter to her when the mood was on her. It used to piss Bobby off real good, until one day he was big enough to walk into the front room with a ballpeen hammer and cock it over the Hitachi; you touch my stuff again and I'll kill your friends, Mom, all of 'em. She never tried it again. But the stick-on holograms had actually had some effect on Bobby, because religion was now something he felt he'd considered and put aside. Basically, the way he figured it, there were just some people around who needed that shit, and he guessed there always had been but he wasn't one of them, so he didn't." - Frank Copeland.Groening, Matt (TV cartoon The Simpsons): "[He's] a SubGenius. The Scientologists are learning, ever so slowly, that fucking with the Church of the SubGenius is a *bad* idea." - David Gerard. See Simpsons TV show entry. -
Heinlein, Robert (Author):
"I knew Robert somewhat, we shared membership in a private 'club' and I did once extricate him and his wife Ginny from a tricky overcrowded autograph scene. Robert took Hubbard's claims at face value. He did not investigate them as he assumed no one would be either so dishonorable to claim bogus war injuries or that stupid either as, if a lie were suspected, the lie could easily be detected from the records. Robert had a privately expressed view on Mr. Hubbard's 'game'. It was not an expression of admiration. That will have to suffice." - Gregg Hagglund. -
Kennedy, John Jr. (Politician):
"I learned today that after George Magazine did its article on Germany and Scientology, David Miscavige flew east and met with John Kennedy, Jr. After the self-appointed cult leader left the meeting Kennedy thought and said: 'what a nasty piece of work he is.'" - Graham Berry. -
Kevany, Joe (Comedian):
Some L.A. schools were found to be using textbooks by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, says Joe Kevany. "The methods seem to be working. Several of the students now want to start their own religions when they grow up." - LA Times 4.8.1997, Punch Lines. -
Kilborn, Craig (TV personality):
"The Daily Show makes jokes on both sides of the topic, and has ragged on Germany as much as it has ragged on Hubbard and celebrity $cientologists. One show included a clip of Hubbard talking about insanity, and the caption was 'Look who's talking' (which is also a reference to the lame-ass films that featured Travolta and Alley)." - Mark Dallara. -
Letterman, David (Comedy talk show host):
"Oh, Martin, I saw the Letterman you refer to. Yes, Rupert Gee [the man on the street] was walking around in front of a local clam shop (don't remember if it was a Dianetics Centre or other org] in his baseball cap and mismatched clothes, parroting Letterman's words in his earphone. He would say to passersby, and bodies who were coming out of the shop, 'Hi. I'm L. Ron Hubbard', with a big smile. The missionholders or whoever was in charge of the place weren't amused. The one guy looked so shocked for a minute, I thought he might have thought for a split second that Ron was back!" - Maggie Council. He also took a stab at Tom Cruise for not winning the Oscar for 'Best Scientologist' on one show. -
Michener, James (Author):
"Scientology is frightening beyond imagination." - Playboy Interview, September 1981. http://www1.playboy.com/news/scientology/ -
Millennium (TV show):
"Scientology Business Cult gets further exposed on Fox Network's 'Millennium.' In last nights episode of 'Millennium,' two murderous Scientologists kill people who expose the absurdity of their cult - or that's what the episode was about, any way; Chris Carter and, no doubt, the Fox Network took pains to keep the name 'Scientology,' L. Ron. Hubbard, and 'Dianetics' out of the program. Charles Nelson Riley plays the part of 'Jose Chung' who knew the creator of a mind-bending, money-greedy, unthinking, idiotic, criminal cult back when the creator/leader of the cult was a fiction writer - and a very poor one. Jose Chung is performing research for another book about the lunatic cults which spring up around years which end with zeros (among Western Society, any way) and is stalked by two Scientologists bent upon killing him for the articles he had published in a skin magazine. Frank Black, the show's hero, gets involved since the formation of and zealous extremes of religious and money cults fall into the venue of the work the Millennium group involves themselves with. The episode had analogs for a number of Scientology absurdities, carefully renamed and altered so that the cult here in the read world could do nothing but bite their lips and get further upset at what everyone knows was a truthful depiction of Scientology. They had 'The Book' - only instead of a volcano, it had the garish quality of the real Dianetics with lightening bolts. Instead of an E-Meter, it had a galvametric measurement device which was used as a 'lie detector' [the Onanogram] coupled to a tape recorder which would continue to restate questions over and over until it decided an accurate answer was given. The number of thinly-veiled analogs were too numerous to cover here as that would take describing the entire episode. Of special humorous note was when Frank Black's supervisor calls Frank aside and asks him why the Millennium Group got involved. Frank mentions the name of the cult (the one the episode used, not the word 'Scientology') and Frank's supervisor takes a step away and say, 'Oh no, we can't do that.' Frank asks, 'Why? The Millennium Group never walks away from everything, even Evil Incarnate.' Frank's supervisor says, 'Yeah but Evil Incarnate can't sue.'" - Fredric Rice. -
Moore, Michael (Author):
"In Moore's excellent book, 'Downsize This!', he makes a reference while talking about limo chauffeurs. He apologetically discusses his feelings of creepiness when dealing with limo drivers, and proceeds to explain why he feels this way, listing a string of odd, uncomfortable, or seedy experiences with chauffeurs, including one who tried to get him into the Church of Scientology. (IMHO, if Moore began browsing even a few online documents regarding $cientology, he and his pal, Crackers the Corporate Crimefighting Chicken, would be picketing along with the Evil Lord Xenu at the next Clearwater event)." - Mark Dallara. -
MST3K (Mystery Science Theatre 3000 TV show by Best Brains Inc.):
"Sunday Nights episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 had a hilarious scn Reference... During one scene of Sunday nights show, the 'hero' of the movie walks out of a bar and is jumped by a couple of thugs who proceed to beat him up. The commentary, as he's attacked is, 'LET US INTRODUCE YOU TO SCIENTOLOGY!'" - Mike The Flexing Rectum Rinder -
Niven, Larry (Author):
"In their novel Inferno, a post-modern reworking of Dante, Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle find places for a number of science-fiction writers. Among the Sowers of Discord, those who started their own religions, hero Allen Carpentier finds a creature he describes as 'the last word in centaurs. At one end was most of what I took for a trilobite. The head of the trilobite was a gristly primitive fish. Its head was the torso of a bony fish...and so on up the line, [...] finally a true man. None of the beasts had full hindquarters except the trilobite; none had a head except the man. The whole thing crawled along on flopping fish-torsos and forelegs and hands, a tremendous unmatched centipede. The human face seemed quite mad.' A demon with a sword, before slicing this odd being up into its evolutionary components, explains: 'He founded a religion that masks as a form of lay psychiatry. Members try to recall previous lives in their presumed animal ancestry. They also recall their own pastives... and that adds an interesting blackmail angle, because those who hear confession are often more dedicated than honorable.' (Those who'veead Dante's original are hereby invited to express their own opinions on where PhatManToo actually belongs. In my own In Nomine campaign,e's in the city of Hades, on the staff of Asmodeus, Prince of the Game and head of Hell's secret police.)" - Austin George Loomis. -
O'Brien, Conan (Comedy talk show host):
-
C - I'd like to introduce a new character to the show. I've never met him but he's sure to be a favorite of kids everywhere. Please welcome folks, our cartoon friend, Johnson the Chicken!
-
J - Hi Conan. Yeah, I hope you're having a cluckarific day!
-
C - Hey there Johnson.
-
J - Every day can be a cluckarific day if you follow the path set down by my hero, L. Ron Hubbard.
-
C - What?
-
J - L. Ron Hubbard, the visionary genius who wrote Dianetics.
-
C - Yeah, I know, the Scientology guy.
-
J - The CHURCH of Scientology Conan!
-
C - Look Johnson, let's change the subject all right? You're a cartoon happy guy. Tell the kids just how are you?
-
J - Well, kids, I was depressed, ineffective at work and only using 20% of my brain capacity. But then, I took a personality test in a storefront church and read DIANETICS!
-
C - Look, don't you have a story for the kids? C'mon!
-
J - Can it be about - SCIENTOLOGY?
-
C - No! It can't be about Scientology! C'mon! Let's make this fun! C'mon!
-
J - (sigh) Oh, all right... once upon a time there was this little boy named... John Travolta...
-
C - (interrupting) Ok, all right, forget it!
-
J - cluck cluck...
-
C - Look, that's fine. We're gonna take a little commercial break...
-
J - cluck cluck...
October 2 1996 Conan O'Brian sketch.
-
-
Petty, Dini (TV talk show host):
"Canadian content over the years has included actress Karen Black and talk-show personality Dini Petty, who quit the organization in the mid-eighties, concluding that it had become 'pretty much money-oriented,' she said in an interview." - Web Not Helping Scientology: Cyberspace Exposure of Galactic ruler counters group's bid to shed cult image, by Timothy Appleby and John Saunders, The Globe And Mail, Jan 20, 1998. -
Pitt, Brad (Actor):
"And he recently said privately that he works too hard for his money to let the Church of Scientology have a large slice of - after agents, managers, lawyers, etc. He probably realizes that it is the celeb money that is primarily funding much of the current attack strategy and does not want to be subpoenaed to testify next year." - Graham Berry. -
Pournelle, Jerry (Author):
see Larry Niven. -
Presley, Elvis (Singer):
"One day, in L.A., we got in the limousine and went down to the Scientology center on Sunset, and Elvis went in and talked to them. We waited in the car, but apparently they started doing all these charts and crap for him. Elvis came out and said 'Fuck those people! There's no way I'll ever get involved with that son-of-a-bitchin' group. All they want is my money.' Well, Peggy still kept on about it, so Elvis didn't date her any more. And he stayed away from Scientology like it was a cobra. He'd shit a brick to see how far Lisa Marie's gotten into it." - Elvis Aaron Presley: Revelations From The Memphis Mafia by Alanna Nash, with Billy Smith, Marty Lacker, and Lamar Fike (copyright 1995, Harper Collins). -
Robinson, Spider (Author):
"In his novel The Callahan Touch (specifically chapter 6, 'The Cluricaune'), Spider Robinson has his narrator, folksinger-turned-barman Jake Stonebender, narrate, 'I tried to clear my throat, but I didn't seem to have my E-meter. Get thee behind me, Thetan!' (Get thee three feet back of my head, perhaps?)" - Austin George Loomis. -
Sagan, Carl (Author, Cosmos TV show host, scientist):
See comments about Scientology in various books. -
Seinfeld, Jerry (Actor):
"One issue of Seinfeld had Jerry openly criticizing Scientology. I'll paraphrase the criticism: After being offered a ride home by a stranger, Jerry, Elaine, Kramer, and George, accept. The camera remains focused on the pavement in the parking garage where they were picked up. [squealing tires, the same car races back to the same spot. Jerry, Elaine, Kramer, and George get out. The driver who offered the ride is nattering about their comments on Scientology and speeds off.] [paraphrase]: Jerry: Man, what is it with those Scientologists? All I said was (...) about L. Ron Hubbard. The demeanor was clearly such as to criticize the antics of Scientologists." - Alec (alec@flash.net). -
Simpson, Rose (Singer - Incredible String Band):
"Rose left LRH's cohorts behind years ago and, in her present capacity as mayoress of Aberystwyth, revealed in a recent interview how Scientology had narrowed the band's view of the world and how damaging that had been to their music." - Joe Boyd, quoted in A Mind-Bending Experience, The Guardian Weekend, January 4 1997, pp 18-22. -
Simpsons (TV show):
"The episode 'The Joy of Sect' contains many references aimed directly at the cult. Previous postings have attributed this to a spoof of Heaven's Gate or the Moonies, but at least half the references were to Scientology! Scientology references: 1. 'The Leader' - an obvious parody of L. Ron Hubbard, the leader of Scientology. 1a. It looked just like him (red hair, similar facial features)....1c. When the leader waves out of his limo, he seems to be wearing a uniform similar to the one worn by LRH while running the infamous Sea Org....2. The 'Trillion year labor contract' mentioned in the show is a reference to the 'billion year' contract Scientologists are forced to sign with the cult. 3. When Marge rescues her family from the cult, they set a legion of Lawyers after her. Scientology is infamous for its use of suing the crap out of anyone who disagrees with their beliefs....4. 'Tax exempt status' mentioned by Mr. Burns. The cult fought a long battle with the IRS to get tax exempt status for their organization." - l_ron_simpson@hotmail.com. Also on the show, dead give-aways, were a diet of rice and gruel (cf Scn's rice and beans) and an orientation film. -
Spinrad, Norman (Author):
"'Come on, chant with us and experience the pure joy of---', '---seem to be fixated at a very low energy level, but the Church of Scientology---', '---Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna---', '---possible to reach a high preClear level in only eight weeks of---', '---Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare---', '---come on, stop this suppressive behaviour and---', '---Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare---', '---you really are in desperate need of the help of Scientology---', 'HARE KRISHNA, HARE KRISHNA---', '---reach beyond your natal engrams to---', 'KRISHNA KRISHNA, HARE HARE'" - Excerpt from Holy War on 34th St., in the anthology The Star Spangled Future, by Norman Spinrad, in which Hare Krishna's and Scientologists try to recruit each other. See also Spinrad's book The Mind Game. -
Stern, Howard (Radio personality):
"The last joke I remember him making was: 'My dad's Jewish and my mom's a Scientologist, so I sell clay tables at half price.'...Howard Stern has done several clay table jokes. Another reference to Scn that was on the show recently: One of Stern's writers is a member of some organization that had an event roasting Travolta (Travolta was present), and the writer was mad that he wasn't invited to it. The writer said he had the perfect Travolta-roast schtick. He said that if he had been invited, he'd have gone up to Travolta and said, 'I am L. Ron Hubbard! Worship me!'" - tashback@aol.com "L. Ron Hubbard. 'L' stands for laughing at everybody! It's unbelievable! No, our senator [Al D'Amato] knows that Scientology is not a real religion, but... All right, listen to me, Senator. But, in no way I can believe that my senator believes L. Ron Hubbard is god. You should have thrown Travolta right out of there, kicked him down the steps.... Of course not. L. Ron Hubbard was a failed science fiction writer who as a goof said to a friend, 'I'm going to make a religion.'... You know it's weird, I told you this story: this was like going back twenty years when I was in college. I had just met Allison and everything, we were first going out, and her sister was down in Kenmore Square in Boston and some Scientology guy brought her in to see a movie and then they were kind of hassling her about getting out afterwards." - Excerpts from a transcript of Stern's radio show from September 19, 1997. -
Stone, Sharon (Actor):
"Between two sets during my shoulder workout I recently found one of these funny 'yellow press'-magazines ('Bunte') near the neck-press machine in my local gym. It contained an article about Buddhism. There were film- and music celebrities featured who converted to Buddhism, and one of them was Sharon Stone. It was told that she had left Scientology and converted to Buddhism, after she had been introduced to the Dalai Lama by Richard Gere." - Martin Ottmann. [OK; she's not really a critic, but maybe Richard Gere is for getting her out of the cult! - MH] -
Tool (Musicians):
"Fuck L. Ron Hubbard, and fuck all his clones." - "Aenema" (the song and current single, at least in the USA, from Aenima, the album. The got some play on US MTV.) Their latest album debuted at #2 on Billboard. Lyrics: http://benland.muc.edu/~ben/lyrics/aenema.html -
Varley, John (Author):
"In Demon, John Varley has his living worldship Gaea surrounding herself with shambling undead 'Priests' and their zombie followers. In her studio-city of New Pandemonium, two Priests guard each of the twelve gates. 'At four [o'clock] was Columbia Gate, where Marybaker had her reading room and Elron his E-meters and engrams.'" - Austin George Loomis. -
Vidal, Gore (Author):
"When I return to the United States, I phone the writer Gore Vidal, who was one of the signers of the open letter to Helmut Kohl in the International Herald Tribune. 'It's got me into endless trouble in Germany,' he sighs. 'I had been led to believe by Bert Fields, my lawyer - he asked would I put my name to it - that it was a civil liberties gesture, not approbation of Scientology as a religion or a scam. I regard it as the second, personally, but then I'm not an authority.' Vidal said he agreed to sign when he was told that children of Scientologists were barred from kindergartens. And, Vidal wants it known, he once met with Hubbard in the 1950s, when Scientology was in its infancy. 'He exuded evil, malice, and stupidity,' says the historical novelist, 'but perfectly amiable to talk to.'" - George magazine, "Clash of the Titans: Scientology vs. Germany" by Russ Baker; April 1997. -
Ward, Bernie (Radio talk show host):
"Has called Scientology: 'a scam, a con, bunkum and hokum, and a money-making business.' About their infiltration of California public schools, he commented: 'Scientology in public schools? Ladies and gentlemen, I can't think of anything that should scare you more.'" - Hud Nordin. -
Woods, James (Actor):
"During a recent MSNBC interview, actor James Woods ('Ghosts of Mississippi') was discussing the apparent anti-free speech aims of the protests against Larry Flynt's movie. Visiting the slippery slope argument, he pondered what future speech might also be unwelcome by these protesters, roughly: '...about abortion, or if you were Catholic or Jewish.' I guess this argument was just too easy for him, for, of course, nearly everyone is for free speech for participants of those good and respected religions. So, he dug deep for a prime example of a vile, unpopular organization whose members nonetheless still deserved free speech, and came up with something along the lines of: 'Or if you were a Scientologist --AND FAR BE IT FOR ME TO WANT TO DEFEND SCIENTOLOGY!...'" - Hud Nordin. -
Zappa, Frank (Musician):
"...in the Joe's Garage story [Zappa] speaks of L. Ron Hoover and the First Church of Appliantology. He defines a 'latent appliance fetishist' as 'one who is unable to admit to him or herself that sexual gratification can be achieved only by the use of machines' and describes how Joe (after having given all of his money to L. Ron Hoover) in his search for his own appliance learns how to speak German and gets dressed up as a housewife to go to a club called the Closet located on the other side of town. (perhaps before being audited himself, Mr. Hoover would don similar attire) Joe goes into the closet and finds dancing around there something that looks like a cross between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over it. He is ecstatic. After he picks up this Appliance which then takes him to its home...you'll have to purchase the album to find out the rest." - Ford Greene.
Compiled by Martin Hunt
A